Working on my health/What if....???

A year ago I was struggling with some postpartum health issues, and here's a little update. Okay, it got a bit longer than intended...


It's probably no secret that I'm not really into "fitness." I like certain recreational sports, or movement as a way of achieving a goal, but really can't get very hardcore or competitive about it. I have too many other hobbies that I'm trying to make time for, and I don't get a rush from pushing my body to its physical limit.

Of course, I never needed fitness to feel good about my body and never felt like I needed to lose weight or tone up...

2 babies later, I'm picking up the pieces. It turns out fitness is about being healthy so you can be strong for everyday movement, not just beating a personal time. And this summer, I did some PT.

Diagrams to follow...

I haven't been able to locate a women's health PT in Russia. There is massage therapy in some form, but given that it's hard to find a good pelvic health practitioner in the U.S., it's even harder in Russia. And I didn't find that any women's health specialists were willing to refer to PT or even suggest it as a way to get better. The medicine in Russia is more conventional and that doesn't work well for women's health in general, I've found. I'm not picking on Russia on purpose...most of the forums I've visited are frequented by UK women suffering damage after forceps births, etc. Some of them wish they had just been given a C-section to escape the problems they ended up with. Really, those are the only options? Seems to be a global issue. Although, I know that in France, for example, all women are referred to PT after giving birth. It might not be cutting edge PT, but it's better than nothing. Basically, this field is developing, if slowly...

As for my PT results:

Making friends like it's your job

Being a mother has made me more isolated, but it's not what you'd think. Just as difficult situations can make or break a friendship, it's similar with parenting, especially in another culture. In my case I think I became somewhat intimidated by Russian mothers, and stopped reaching out. I mention Russian mothers because I think Americans are more individualistic, and can be more tolerant. But I am careful there, too. Just like with politics, I don't bring up certain parenting topics with American friends unless I suspect we'll be pretty much on the same page.

Anyway, when David was a few months old, I was talking to a friend from church on the phone. She'd had her second baby several months earlier. I confessed to her that the hormones were still getting to me. She said "really?" and I didn't know what else to say. I'd just assumed that there were certain maternal buzzwords you just had to utter ("diaper rash"...."teething"...) and another mother would automatically know what you were talking about. But our disjointed conversation made me feel like I was alone.

Pretty soon I didn't want to talk to anyone else about it, either. I didn't want to reveal how many hours a day we spent nursing, how David slept at night, how little we went outside for our fresh air, when we were starting solid foods, or how rarely we visited the pediatrician. And we dreaded the pediatrician, too. I suppose some people like to be reassured that their child is normal, but I resented having to even answer the questions. We have a pediatrician that attends our church, and I feel very awkward interacting with her, as though she is making an assessment just by looking at us.

Rocking

The baby stopped napping recently, or I should say she started fighting sleep. Too much to see and do, I guess! Andrei has always been the bedtime person and I've never really had the knack, aka patience/stamina. I'll have to look back through my notes from David but up until now we pretty much would give a pacifier to Sophia and she would go to sleep. And then for nighttime Andrei would rock her a bit. But now for naps she waits for someone to actually put her to sleep.

A couple of times Andrei wasn't home and she just kept crying. Finally I got out the baby carrier, which I had intended to use more, but then found out it can be hard on a weak core. But I think the most damage would be from doing a lot of chores while wearing the baby. Just walking around a bit wearing the baby (I've heard up until an hour) is okay, until your core muscles get weak and you start to compensate. So I decided to get it out and have it handy for emergencies. One of those came about the other day when Andrei was out, so I put her in the carrier and paced a little bit. Then finally I remembered that Sophia likes music...as opposed to David, who doesn't really respond as well. There was even a period when I would put Mozart on and prop her up on a pillow with her pacifier, and she'd drop off.

Anyway, the song that came to me goes like this:

"Behold what manner of love the Father has given unto us...that we may be called the sons of God!"

(if you know it, you're humming it now)

That song was just what was needed to calm both of us.

The next one that came to my mind was: "How deep the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measure..."

As I was singing it, I realized it isn't one of my favorites, rather melodramatic! But at that moment it fit the theme of the hour. I was thinking about how I needed the Father's love for ME, and also wanted to model it and receive it for my kids.

Later that same day, David was watching yet another cartoon on Netflix. It was actually a new one that had cropped up, involving a naughty baby chick named Chiro. David watches a lot of action movies and cartoons, yet he found THIS mild one scary! Sometimes he would press pause or hide. I observed what was making him nervous, and it turned out to be the moments when the chick's parents were about to discover his wrongdoing! Of course the screenwriters did try to build suspense, but I felt so guilty that David was scared about discipline! I hope I'm not TOO scary when I'm mad.

In the evening, I meditated on this issue of parenting and thought about how I have a lot to learn.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." -James 1:5

We Made It!

We survived the first semester with 2 kids! Andrei's done administering exams, so we've got a break now until next semester. There are definite perks to the academic schedule. If only certain conditions were a little bit more ideal!

I'm not sure what I pictured exactly, but the last few months could have been worse. We had our non-sleeper first and our good sleeper second (I type this as she is screaming hysterically and not going to sleep, but...usually she's pretty good).

One of the harder things about having more than one child is keeping them safe from each other... keeping them from waking each other up, etc. Sophia is pretty easy-going and can play with her toys by herself when she's in a good mood. So if she were an only child I could get something done, but instead I have to make sure David isn't smothering her. I might have mentioned before that I thought David might be kind of doing it to provoke us. So now that we don't repeat "be gentle" a thousand times a day, he doesn't run right over to squeeze her. He does it spontaneously but it's not like the first thing on his agenda. I have caught him rolling her over a few times, though!

Bureaucracy about town

I had to go to my bank here to get a statement. My friend lives near that metro, and I had letters for her, so it seemed like I could combine the errands. The only problem of course being that I couldn't leave Sophia for too long.

It was my first time traveling that far within the city since May or so. Six months! I was nervous about how I'd hold up physically. I guess I didn't go anywhere without David for a long time, but we did go as a family to church and elsewhere. In fact, as I left today, a friend from church was on his way over to fix David's old stroller for Sophia!

I felt okay physically and it was good to be out in the world...a little bit of culture shock and a little bit of post-partum shock, or whatever you call it when you're doing the same old things, but as a different person.

I met up with my friend and we headed over to a cafe to sit for a few minutes. As we walked in, the guy making crepes (blini) was a kid (now grown) that I'd known in the orphanage. I started talking to him until I realized he was working on an order. They had changed the cafe around and I felt a bit discombobulated and had trouble ordering "Earl Grey" with the right Russian pronunciation. I remember those old days trying to order McDonald's and drawing out all those words, Beeeg Mahhhhk, Kyehhhchup so that the servers would understand.

We only stayed for a little while as I was nervous about getting to the bank. My friend came with me since she had the day off. While waiting in line, I looked through my paperwork and felt so confused about the dates. My latest papers said "2015," but when was that? Last year? And I hadn't been back to this bank since last June? What had happened in the meantime? Had I skipped a year of government inspection? I had a translation of my latest bank statement, so I must have used it for going to the UK. Was that last year?

The clerk called me over and had a form for me to fill out. Incidentally, for the IRS, which meant I had to fill out all my info. in English. Doesn't sound complicated, but it's really hard for me now to write out Russian words in the Latin alphabet. It's like trying to pat your head and rub your stomach at the same time. At one point I did switch alphabets, but didn't get chastised.

After muddling through the documentation, I was told to come back the next day...ah, well. My friend and I said goodbye and I headed back to the metro.

Back home, our friend was still fixing the stroller. Then he and Andrei left together as Andrei headed out for a radio gig.

I need to mail off my documents to the immigration bureau and then my reward will be to get going with Advent.

Keeping on

Haven't really felt like writing, but I promised myself I would be transparent and keep sharing my thoughts.

I've probably mentioned it before, but God ministers to me through music. I wish I knew Scripture as well as I know song lyrics, but there's room for both! And I try to challenge myself to match up the songs with corresponding Bible passages.

Recently when I've been trying to quiet my soul, I keep recalling the words "...'Cause life is hard. And it might not get easier."* That's from a song I learned at summer camp back in middle school. Not too positive, right? But the line before that is, "..and we all need Jesus." So, in that case, the words ring true. In John ch.16:33 Jesus tells his disciples, "In this world you will have trouble." I don't see that as a scary thing. I just see it as assurance that going through hardship is normal and doesn't mean that we are being neglected by God or specifically targeted. Of course I am writing this while still trying to convince myself that my troubles aren't any worse than anyone else's.

And then of course there is the obvious: "I cry out. For your hand of mercy to heal me."** Not my favorite song musically, but a good song of appeal, reminiscent of a Psalm.

There are also a few that we sing in Russian that are comforting to me. For some reason I like "With all I am" (Hillsong) better in Russian, but I'll include some of the English words here:

Jesus I believe in you

Jesus I belong to you

You're the reason that I live

The reason that I sing

With all I am

I'll walk with you

Wherever you go

Through tears and joy

I'll trust in you

And I will live

In all of your ways and

Your promises forever

And that one I guess is about Jesus as a precious friend and the center of life. For me I think it's about how He sustains me. I want to cling to Him and all of the promises that He represents.

P.S. Found this site, kind of neat: http://wordtoworship.com/

*"We Believe in God" (Amy Grant)
** "Good to Me" (Vineyard)

A year of this

Still need to finish typing up Sonya (Sophia)'s birth story. It is bittersweet in a way because I didn't know until recently how injured I was. But she is a delightful baby and I think the birth experience was gentle for her, if that's a thing.

The birth story isn't scary, I promise. :)

But as for daily life, I am feeling very thankful to be allowed to be at home. I don't really have a way to even get out by myself with the kids, but I look forward to doing that as I get stronger. While I have my MIL helping (hopefully for years to come!) and David doesn't need to be in school, I am really looking at it as a time to heal. It is a very important time in terms of being more functional in the future.

This morning I convinced David to snuggle with me in bed a little longer, as Sonya can sleep until 10 or 11. A text from Andrei told me it was snowing outside. I hadn't even looked! Then a friend came over and took David out to play, and Sonya went down for a nap, so I had a quiet house for a bit. I made an orange peel and cinnamon infusion on the stovetop and it was so relaxing. We had lunch, the friend went home, and David went down for a nap without a huge struggle.

Andrei came home and we chatted for a bit before David woke up. Then thanks to David having had less screen time earlier in the day, I felt no guilt putting on Netflix while cleaning the kitchen before small group. Then Nina came over to help before friends came for Bible study. David was so excited to play with her!

It was good to see church family since it had been 5 months. I was still very symptomatic today but got to see people and have a connection with the outside world. Survived another day!

Ferocious Four and 2 Months

The 4 yr old is a challenge right now! I wonder if he is just now reacting to having a sibling. I keep having unrealistic expectations. In my head, if I give him undivided attention for a few hours, he will let me take a break. Or if I let him kiss his sister once, he'll be satisfied and leave her alone and not continue to harass her. What DOES sometimes happen is that if I bite my tongue, he will stop the offending behavior since there is no reaction. But obviously I can't let him harm himself or others. I couldn't ignore the toy-throwing or opening the oven door repeatedly.

There are moments when he seems repentant and it seems like we've figured something out. Like when we argued and argued about naptime and then Andrei came home and intervened, but then David still asked for me and we lay down with our arms around each other and went to sleep. He still wants to please me even if it seems like he wants to hurt me.

David's "I'm sorry" phase seems to be over...when he used to come to us of his own accord and ask for forgiveness. Even when we had already forgotten. But he IS in an "I love you" phase, and that warms my heart. He can be a little resistant toward spiritual discipline, but prays spontaneously sometimes; yesterday's prayer was that I would have 100 babies, that would all come safely.

Confession

I have a bit of an addiction to information. I don't think this applies to all areas of life, though. I'm not one to constantly track a package or flight. There are times when I can recognize that the outcome is in God's hands and I've done all I can.

But...

The other times. I love knowing random bits of information. Before Internet, I liked playing Trivial Pursuit. Somehow I knew facts, even sports-related. Is that any different from wondering "now what was that actor's name?" and immediately looking up the Wikipedia entry?

Where do you draw the line? I think for me, the medical stuff is probably the worst. Are you in that category of person, always self-diagnosing yourself and convinced you're going to die? I have turned into one of those.

New week, New Year

This evening's post is brought to you by a pacifier-soothed baby (gave it to her and she put herself to sleep)! I'm not sure how I feel about that. Are we going to be running around at night looking for it when she can't sleep without it? But could it be any worse than getting up with David several times a night for the first three years? Is it harder to wean from rocking or using a pacifier? At any rate, I'm enjoying the peace and quiet for now. And will have to do a sleep post at some point.

Andrei started a full week of classes, with additional hours. So of course today he also came down with the family cold. Hopefully it will be mild!

The Jewish New Year is being celebrated right now. My church just started a new cycle of The Bible in a Year. I'm not sure how that ended up renewing in October, but I thought it was interesting that it coincided with Rosh Hashanah. I wanted to bake Challah and have our Bible study, but as usual we are sick and whatnot. Someday!

And the last new cycle beginning is related to my online fitness community having an anniversary sale. My membership had run out and I was trying to decide when to renew. I'm being careful about exercise, but right now they're my best resource anyway in terms of being gentle on the post-partum body. I just wish I could have someone like that in person as my trainer! But anyway, I saw the sale and decided that now is a great time to renew that journey. If you are at all looking for some home fitness instruction (especially focusing on core strength and much more), check out the 1 day sale at Fit2B studio.

Oh yeah, and it's my cousin's first wedding anniversary. David and I were there a year ago, dancing the night away. How life has changed in just one year!

Health crisis

(melodrama alert) It's been a rough few weeks! The day before we left for Russia, I had a very good doctor's report. I was extremely encouraged since it had taken so much longer to heal up after David was born.

Within a week after we arrived, I started having some troubling symptoms. I then self-diagnosed and began to read all about it, but decided I'd better take a break from that and focus on other things for awhile. I didn't want to see a doctor because I wanted to kind of put it out of my mind.

We were doing pretty well. Sophia was sleeping well, I felt like I was managing somewhat with two kids, and we were even able to do some fun things like baking projects.

Then the symptoms worsened, and anxiety and depression quickly spiraled out of control. I imagined myself as a life-long invalid. I'd never be able to lift groceries, or my kids for that matter.

I've already mentioned my prayer journal. I also started listening to an audio Bible throughout the day, since it's hard to find time for reading. I told myself that we'd survived much worse, like everything we experienced when David was a baby. I told myself it was just hormones. I told myself that it wasn't a cancer diagnosis. But the logic and "positive thinking" weren't working.

Crying fits gave way to hyperventilating, nausea, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, and extreme weakness. I was shaky all the time and wondered if I could be anemic. I'd never had an anxiety attack this bad. I think part of it was that I couldn't tell what was just butterflies in my stomach (probably about 90% of it)  and what was my organs falling out. Eventually I realized it was just anxiety, but couldn't talk myself out of it.

I gave in and let Andrei make a doctor's appointment for me.

The new typical Tuesday (AKA taking turns napping)

Andrei had one of his heavier teaching days today and also had to get up earlier. As he was about to leave, David woke up, and I had just spent the past 90 minutes or so settling Sophia, in anticipation of more sleep. Andrei set up David with a movie and set off for work. David loves TV time as much as any kid his age, but doesn't necessarily like it as a solo activity. For now he found an imaginary playmate and made some commentary periodically. But I can't say I got more sleep. A "survive until naptime" kind of day!

The next goal was to eat breakfast and look presentable before Babushka Nina (Andrei's mom) arrived. 2 hours goes by faster than you'd think! As I made myself some breakfast, I kept stopping to give David various menu items to keep him placated. So I only ate part 1 of my breakfast and then took David with me around to different rooms making beds and putting together an outfit. Of course every once in a while I would feed, burp or change Sophia, or put her back to sleep. She can still sleep a lot, though seems to be sensitive to noise.

David kept suggesting games which we didn't have time for, particularly something called "making a robot" which sounded pretty involved. We did finally read some books while I was nursing Sophia. A current favorite is a book about the Human Body, and skeletons were a big theme this summer.

Despite all that running around I only got half (of two) beds made, and was nursing Sophia when Nina arrived, so couldn't open the door for her. I had planned to quickly (haha) get everyone out the door for some fresh air before it got close to lunch/nap(cranky) time. However, David did NOT want to go outside. He wanted to see what Nina had in her purse for him, and there was a glow-in-the-dark dinosaur to play with. Then I changed the plan and decided it was too close to naptime to attempt a trip to the playground. "I want to go OUTSIDE" said David.

Sophia had just eaten, so took a nap while we had a little lunch (plus the other half of my breakfast) and tea with banana muffins. Then she was waking up and it was time to put David down for a nap. The way for me to get sleep to would be to lie down with David while Nina took care of the baby, since Sophia isn't always a quiet sleeper. However, I had to wait for Sophia to wake up first, so I had Nina start the process of putting David down for a nap.

After Sophia was all fed, I checked on David and he wasn't nearly asleep. He was very upset when I switched off with Nina even though I promised she would be there when he woke up. I just couldn't wait any longer to take a nap. Despite the neighbors hammering above us, he managed to fall asleep after about an hour, while I lay there wondering when the baby would be hungry again! I woke up at every creak and thump, but must have slept since I had some very interesting dreams.

When David and I woke up, we heard Andrei's voice! I had expected him a few hours later but it turns out his evening class was actually in the morning now and he'd told me already (no memory of that). So we had a nice surprise with him home earlier.

We were all settled in the kitchen having tea and snacks and I looked wistfully at the late afternoon sun and said we should probably just stay inside since everyone was content. "I want to go OUTSIDE!" said David. Andrei went to lie down and and Nina and I worked quickly to get David into some clothes before he changed his mind (coat/sweater/shirt/gloves layered just the right way). "I want to stay INSIDE!" said David. And sneezed 5 times in a row on both of us. But I quickly ushered them out the door and sat down at my computer!

Next time maybe I will leave everyone else at home and go outside for my own walk.

Happy New Year

Blog post before midnight...ready, set, go!

I don't normally pay attention to New Year's resolutions, but something about September has me itching to make changes in my life.

Here are a few major goals I'd like to work on this school year:


1) Make a new Bible reading routine.

2) Continue healing my DR. (work on alignment)

3) Go outside with David at least 2x per day.


There are a few other goals and plans that I may or may not share on here.

Read more for some details about my recent endeavors...


Make a new Bible-reading routine.

God's Word is such that you don't really need any special equipment or even the perfect setting to dive in...but I still would like to find a format that works for me right now. I turn on an audio recording while doing chores; I open up the Bible while David is playing nearby...but it's only little snatches. There were a few days during jet-lag when David was still SOUND asleep late morning and I even got up before him...but those days are over. Anyway, I've come across a lot of blog posts recently about how to organize (or not) "Devotional" time, so it's been on my mind.



Continue healing my DR (work on alignment)

It annoys me that I didn't word that as a specific goal, but I'm trying to get my thoughts down quickly here. I have a few recently acquired clues as to ways I could change the way I use my muscles in various tasks. There are a few specific things I'm working on to correct my posture. Even as I'm sitting here typing, I move into a slouch about every 30 seconds or so and have to correct myself. Making even small corrections can immensely help my body recover from carrying a child (and likely having poor alignment for much of my life prior to that). I'm making this a priority.



Get outside with David (2x a day)

We've had a pretty good track record (for us) so far this month. We are up to going outside ALMOST every day and are working up to twice a day. Sometimes the second walk is performed by Andrei, which is also good. Maybe David's grandmother will also do it sometimes. But I can benefit from it, too. I am trying to no longer regard yucky weather or stuffy noses as adequate excuses. Apartment air can cause far more damage!

...However, we have a few obstacles. The first is just plain lack of motivation. I hate the ritual of getting ready and going outside and keeping track of David and trying to get him to behave and not take other people's toys and then coming inside and getting all cleaned up. I hate playgrounds, I hate grassy patches strewn with trash/presents from dogs, I hate teenagers on mopeds who interrupt naptime and almost run us over, and I have no interest in socializing with other caregivers who stare at me when I speak with David in English. Just being honest here...I'm working on this!

So that's the first obstacle...LOL. The second problem is trying to get out the door. I don't understand how mothers do it. David doesn't let me brush my teeth, change my clothes, or gather our bag. He follows me around asking for a hug or to read a book. So terrible, right? Well, it is if we truly both need fresh air and exercise. I have told him we're going out, but he just doesn't understand or want to cooperate with the getting ready part! Almost every time, I'm about to scream and drop everything and forget it all. Sometimes I do lose it. I don't care if we leave later than planned...it just feels like we'll never, ever be ready. And I also feel partly like the walk is a task I have to perform, so I can receive my reward of coming home and eating lunch and doing domestic things. So it's maddening when it drags on and my chance to perform the more pleasant tasks is slipping away. Meanwhile...my plan is to tweak the routine a bit so we get dressed earlier, before David is getting clingy. Plus get my clothes out the night before. I'm not sure if I will be able to find this magic combination, but we'll see.

Diastasis Recti: Summer Edition

The journey of healing continues...


The OB/Gyn I saw this summer wasn't very helpful in that she saw Diastasis recti as a "cosmetic problem" that could be treated only with surgery. Unfortunately, I think that's a fairly typical response.


Here are some other approaches I've been using this summer to work on this aspect of my health:



Exercise

Haven't done so well on this count; fairly consistent daily walks but not as vigorous as I'd like. Part of this is due to hot weather and not being able to go very fast. I also feel like with the stroller I obsess over whether I'm in the right "alignment" or not for core healing. So the exercise has probably been more about getting fresh air and Vitamin D than weight loss or toning.


"Tummy Team" rehab program

I started this 8-wk program shortly after we arrived in the U.S., and the very week I started was a challenging one with various setbacks ranging from David nursing a lot again to waking several times at night, etc. So in turn I needed to be taking naps as opposed to doing workouts, etc. That was quite frustrating, but eventually I was able to follow the schedule somewhat and work my way through the rehab points.

I haven't felt much of a result from the program, and that's a little disappointing. I'm taking it all in and incorporating some of the concepts, but it hasn't been a life-changer. So I hope to revisit it in the future, maybe even in the fall when I can get into a routine and work the movements into daily life in our apartment (ha ha, routines aren't our strong point, but we can always try).


Seeing a specialist

This was probably the breakthrough this summer out of all the approaches. My mom asked a local Pilates instructor if she had DR experience, and she said yes...and was telling the truth! I really enjoyed meeting her and having 2 sessions of working on my core with professional guidance.

I will say that all the work I've been doing for the past year+ has provided a good foundation. She was impressed by how I could do the breathing correctly and engage my core while doing some movements.

Some of the helpful information I received included learning how to adjust my alignment and also discovering that my split is actually pretty high up. Those are pieces of the puzzle that are hard to figure out long-distance. So now I have some more tools to work with as I go back to Russia.




I've been spending some time just going back to the basics and doing some breathing exercises with my hands on my stomach to feel how everything is working. And doing it over and over again until I feel the muscles going IN, not protruding out.

Each healing approach regarding DR has its own words to promote visualization, and I'm gradually adding all of these descriptions to my toolbox so that I can integrate healthy movements into my daily life.

Diastasis Recti: Failing Miserably

So I've been working on healing my diastasis recti for about a year now, and I haven't made too much progress. There's been a little physical/strengthening progress, and also a lot of gleaning information and interacting with other people in the same boat.

The last time I wrote I mentioned yo-yo-ing, which is still going on, and a lot of times I just feel huge (for a non-pregnant person) in general, with respects to how my clothes fit, etc. At least 3 people have asked me if I'm pregnant in the past few months, and that didn't do a lot for my self-esteem (let alone for our friendship, LOL). That is definitely one aspect of DR I'd like to leave behind. Ideally I would take the opportunity to raise awareness, but it's not always convenient, especially in an awkward moment.

David is mostly done nursing, and we'll see what happens to my body next. One person said that my body has gotten used to "eating for two" and therefore I'm eating too much or something, but I don't think that's true, just that my body has gotten used to hanging on to it? Another person said she immediately dropped the last 20 lbs once she weaned her child, and others said there was no correlation for them.

Anyway, the point is not to lose weight, it's to see if breastfeeding (whether it's hormones or metabolism or what) or bulk in the wrong places is interfering with the healing process, and tackling those issues might be the key to retraining the muscles.

Also, my splint is pretty much dead, which adds to discouragement, because it makes me feel like I've gotten bigger, even though the velcro can certainly up and die from frequent use, not because it's having trouble containing my body! I guess I will go out and buy another one, in my correct size. It might seem like a big expense, but compared to a tummy tuck it isn't much.

So once again I've been slacking a bit on the exercises, and I have this dilemma of whether or not to go ahead without the support of a splint. I'm feeling like I still need one, but I don't want to go completely stagnant while waiting to get a new one.

So that's the situation right now. I definitely have a a few strategies I'm thinking of, but nothing to share yet!

Diastasis recti- "bumps" in the road

I feel that I've reached somewhat of a plateau in my healing from diastasis recti. There is definitely a difference from when I first started working on it, but I haven't seen significant improvement in a while. I can't say that I've kept up well with the exercises, though. I think it's just going to take a lot of hard work to keep seeing improvement.

Here are a few factors and strategies I've been pondering:


Diet/Weight Control

I hesitate to make a complete assessment of my stomach situation while still breastfeeding, as I've still got some "extra love" that my body may need in order to make up for losing all those calories. I know I could be eating healthier, but I am trying not to be too hard on myself during this season. I'm looking forward to summer when fresh produce will be more readily available and I'll be more tempted to eat fruits and veggies.


Physical Therapy

This is a hard one because it needs to be someone who has experience in treating diastasis recti, but it still might be worth it to be evaluated in person as opposed to over the Internet. I know that the way I carry myself plays a large role in pain management. Speaking of which...


Chronic Pain Issues

About a month or so ago I had a lower back episode, and I've had to limit myself since then. It has slowly gotten better but I'm staying away from things like vacuuming. When I go out with David I don't attempt the stairs with him in the stroller. It seems like that is what threw out my back this time, but trying really hard to clench my stomach muscles probably doesn't help either. Anyway, it feels like anytime something like that happens, I feel like I need to just stop and take it easy and only do very gentle movements. Having a normal-looking stomach isn't the number one priority. I have some stretching movements that I do in addition to the strengthening ones, and I try to really shake everything out and "reset" my posture a lot.


More Intense Exercise

It feels kind of funny to write this after the above section, but I've been considering either signing up for a more intense rehab program or just writing out my own exercise schedule for a certain time period and trying to stick to it more faithfully. It's something I want to plan for and take on, maybe in the next 6 months. I know I could just jump in and start tomorrow and maybe have results by summer, but I would rather think about it a little more.



As I've mentioned, I'm trying to be really forgiving towards my body and take my time while I'm still breastfeeding and getting used to other aspects of motherhood. Managing pain and learning how to use muscles correctly are priorities too, while self-confidence doesn't necessarily need to be excluded. Results come and go because of the seasons we have: sickness and health; differing schedules from week-to-week, changing weather patterns; more and less discipline; high and low energy. Life is full of interruptions, so healing happens that way too.

Diastasis Recti update: Belly splinting

Post-Partum "Pooch" Progress

When we were in the U.S. over the summer, I wanted to check with my doctor about the belly splints recommended by diastatis recti rehab programs, to see if I was eligible. It isn't something a U.S. doctor had ever recommended to me, although my Russian doctor had and I didn't listen.

At my appointment (at a new practice), the doctor said, "it won't close any further without surgery." That was it. No splinting, no rehab, just major a little abdominal surgery.

So I didn't get a splint.

Back in Russia, I continued to work on Fit2b's tummy-safe exercises, focused on my core. But I didn't really feel a difference. Couldn't even really feel my muscles working, belly or not.

I was frustrated and didn't want to leave the house tired of looking pregnant and none of my clothes fitting. Andrei brought up the splint thing again, and on my way home from Immigration one day, I stopped off at the maternity shop. They had a whopping two options, post-operational/C-section aimed, but I bought them both. I put them on under my clothes and basked in the slimmer profile.

The thing about splints is that there are different types used for different purposes. Just like with the exercises, the equipment also has to be specifically appropriate for diastasis recti. But I was told that "something is better than nothing," so I wore the splints I had bought, just being sure not to compress my stomach too tightly.

Then I sort of got into a rut where I wasn't doing the exercises at all regularly, but tried to wear the splint as often as possible and do my core breaths. When I would take the splint off, out would pop the 5-month pregnant-looking bulge. Back to reality.

The other day I was doing my core breaths in front of a mirror when I realized I could suck my stomach in all the way! Way different compared to in the beginning when my "engaged" position still showed a pretty big bump out in front. I also am almost back to having a belly button at this point.

So I think it's safe to say that splinting is a huge help! My stomach has definitely gone down, though it still looks, well, like I had a baby.


Note: This is not a sponsored post. I just haven't found a lot of other sources on the Internet, so I often reference the same one. :) And I really do recommend it.

My Journey with Diastasis Recti

Introduction: After spending a lot of time thoughtfully typing out this post, I peeked back at an older post, only to find that I'd already written almost the exact same description, ha ha! In lieu of deleting most of the following story, I think I'll leave it as is. I want this particular experience to have its own tribute. So there you have it. Sorry to my more observant readers for the repetition! ;)

Post-partum Bellies

I was "all baby" when I was pregnant. And I figured it would just melt right off. Well, I think it would have if it weren't for a problem which I hadn't foreseen.

It can be hard to gain explicit information on the post-partum body. To be fair, there is so much variation that it's difficult to pin down a common path of healing. However, there are plenty of conditions that are more common than we're led to think. And why are we not told, or at least checked for them? We need more information than to look for a fever, excessive bleeding, or to just "give it time."

The thing is, that "common" isn't the same thing as "normal." What about looking for remedies, rather than just accepting certain aches and pains as your fate? It seems that a lot of post-partum issues are presented as inevitable or just common battle wounds that go with the territory; "accept your new body and move on." I am thankful that I live in an age where I can ask questions and get information on the Internet without needing to be embarrassed.


Diagnosis

Several months after David was born, I started Googling things like "baby bump not pregnant" and "stomach sticks out post-partum." Of course a lot of the initial results talked about "Mommy Tummy," and having a "pooch" that you try to eliminate by doing intensive workouts and LOTS of crunches. In other words, Welcome to the Club.

Not that I was eager to take up fitness in the first place, but even with the added incentive of wanting to look my best, something just told me my body was broken. And when that's the case, you don't want to work it harder. I didn't want to abuse my poor body until I knew what was going on.

At the moment, it's hard to find those original search results thanks to Royal Baby publicity. ;) But I eventually found a condition that perfectly matched what was going on: a separation of the abdominal muscles, as opposed to just extra flab. It's called diastasis recti.

I did go to a doctor to have this diagnosis confirmed. Guess how the doctor did it? She had me lie on my back and lift my head up a little. BINGO! Funny alien ridge in tummy.

That was 13 months post-partum.


Prognosis

"It will never close without an operation." Sounds harsh, right? But if we back up a few months, I'd had plenty of time to investigate on my own while I was waiting for my appointment. In fact, what the doctor said may as well have been scripted-I'd heard that medical professionals will mostly recommend the surgery and nothing else.

In her assessment, there was nothing that could be done. The flipside to that is the intense ab workouts you see advertised, guaranteeing a flat stomach. I really wasn't into that, and once I'd read up on diastasis recti, I realized that those could make the problem worse.

But I wanted to get better, and I was encouraged when I stumbled upon a handful of resources that offered healing via gentle exercise, as well as testimonials of women who had seen improvement even YEARS after having babies.

Fit2B Studios is where I first ran across the idea of "tummy-safe" exercises. You pay a membership fee to access the workouts, but there is lots of information on there too. I'm able to memorize the basics of the workouts, to use throughout the day whenever I get a chance. And even when I don't necessarily use the videos a lot, I don't regret supporting this cause.

Other than specific exercise routines, I found a community of other diastasis recti sufferers, both on Fit2B and on other women's blogs. It's one of those things where the problem is common enough that a LOT of people have it (though may not know it), but not common enough that your closest friends and family would be aware. This has happened to me with a lot of women's issues, actually. What's a bicornuate uterus? What's an umbilical cord cyst? What's granulation tissue? What is diastasis recti? Again, I'm thankful to be able to check this out in a larger community via the Internet.

After my official diagnosis, I also paid a visit to a physical therapist. I told her that I was concerned with closing my diastasis and working on my core strength. She did an assessment and confirmed that my hips are really weak (chronic). While she didn't talk much about my abdomen, she did make sure that any of the moves she showed me were "tummy-safe." In fact, she was impressed with how I had already learned how to safely get up from a lying-down position. That's thanks to the diastasis recti material I'd read online. So she didn't solve my problem, but she helped me work on other underlying issues, and hopefully that will contribute to a healthier me (if I can remember to do the exercises!).

So, my treatment plan went/is going like this:

-Internet research
-Diagnosis by a medical professional
-Support from an online community
-Assessment by a physical therapist
-Exercises appropriate for the situation

And of course, those of my real-life friends and family who know about this have offered prayers and supported me in looking for help.

This post is getting too long, but I just wanted to say that I've become interested in raising awareness of diastasis recti. So if you are anyone you know seems to be suffering from this condition, I'd be happy to recommend some resources. :) And of course I'm interested in any ideas you'd have to share, as well!

Rejoicing and coping

I'm always amazed when I'm at a doctor's appointment or filling out paperwork related to David and someone congratulates me. For example, being at the dentist and the ladies saying "Awww, you have  a 13-month old?" Or when we went to the ENT last year to have David's tongue tie clipped and the surgeon said "Congratulations, you guys!" We were there to fix a minor medical problem and what she saw was a near-perfect newborn baby. That was her perspective.

In the middle of the most mundane (or even distressing) moments, people remind me that I have a CHILD. When we have to spend days or months renewing visas, we don't always remember that...oh yeah, there's a reason for all this...and he's pretty adorable! When I'm boarding a plane with the little rascal noisemaker cutie, I might have a pretty tiring journey ahead of me, but look at all those smiling faces admiring his chubby cheeks and toothy grin.

That is one perspective: in the midst of all the messy details, there is a child who brings joy.

But unfortunately, there are hardships that need attention, and that are lost in the light of giving attention to that child.

People may look at David and see a sweet baby. I love babies, too. But when I look at other mothers now, there are a lot of other questions running through my head.

If it's a newborn, I may wonder how her labor was. 

If the baby has teeth, I wonder if he/she has bitten Mommy yet. 

Did the mother get all of them dressed and looking like that by herself, or did she have help? Does she have stretchmarks under those cute clothes?

I guess my point is that at 13 months post-partum, I still feel post-partum. And I project that onto other mothers, too.  Even though David is going to be a toddler soon, I feel like I am still getting used to having him around. If the first several months were survival mode, then now is the time when I'm able to stop focusing on survival so much and able to add some more normal tasks back into my routine...with him in tow. I am able to enjoy it, too.

 

It's always good to focus on the blessings in life, especially when people can offer each other a positive perspective. But I think it's also important to remember that people who have experienced major changes in the past year or couple of years (love, loss, childbirth, adopting or being adopted, miscarriage, illness, moving, job changes, etc.) might still be learning how to cope. There is more going on than what's on the surface!

Women's Health

Probably not one for the guys...sorry, guys.

I'm feeling the need to share vent write about some postpartum experiences, particularly the parts that have more to do with me and my feelings than the baby (though there will be overlap.

The first issue I would like to address is that of the physical healing from childbirth. I was fairly disappointed with the aftercare that I got, in both the U.S. and Russia.

When you have just been through a very graphic medical experience (natural or not), it's not the best time for delicacy and people withholding certain details that would be useful. Following childbirth, you want to know how to feel as normal as possible again. This is probably true about major operations, too. My other main experience was wisdom teeth extraction (don't laugh), and that took WEEKS of recovery, due to complications that also could have been avoided.

Childbirth IS natural, after all, but that doesn't mean we are born knowing what is going to happen. When it was all over, I really wanted to know things like how long, what color, how big, how thick, how painful. When I was still on the maternity ward, the nurses were great and even walked me through a few things like bathroom visits. But after that I really could have used a personal nurse for, say...a few months.

I was sent home with a 30-page printout with a list of recommendations like calling the doctor when I had a fever. It was all very surface-level, general, unhelpful information.

I sometimes feel like until you actually try to troubleshoot, they will give you the minimal information. As I said, I wish I'd had more detailed information, like how to bathe myself properly for healing purposes, or how to protect my stitches from ripping.

The most helpful resource has probably been online forums where it's possible to ask some of those sensitive questions, while remaining somewhat anonymous.

I do realize that numbers aren't always helpful, though. A lot of sources state, "it took you 9 months to grow the baby, give yourself 9 months to recover." Below I will address the issue of still looking pregnant a YEAR after having a baby.

Meanwhile, I managed to get into the OB/GYN at 4 weeks and again at 6 weeks postpartum, before heading back to Russia. The doctor, busy as always, said that I "wasn't completely healed yet" but that I WAS healing, and that I would "just know" when I was done healing.

It was an interesting experience to read over the copy of my records that I requested to bring back to Russia with me. There I was able to find out what degree of tearing I'd had, what tests they had run, etc. As well as a complication that the doctor had described to ME as "not completely healed," but was actually written down on paper as something worse...continue reading/-

...Back in Russia, having been waylaid in Estonia for a month, I finally went to visit the OB/GYN who had done my pregnancy checkups. Her assessment was that the only way out was surgery under general anesthesia, and that it would be best to wait until the baby was weaned. (!) She prescribed a bunch of creams, which I was not able to use as they were not safe for breastfeeding.

I decided to revisit the issue at a later date.

Meanwhile....

It was fun to be "all baby," but it had its consequences, too. When I had visited the Russian clinic during pregnancy, they looked at my spine and said I would need to wear a belly support during and after pregnancy, to prevent back pain. I never had increased back pain during pregnancy, though. Another garment during the summer months didn't sound very comfortable, so I didn't bother.

When David was just a few weeks/months old, I did get a few comments as to when my "due date" was. I was fairly good-natured about it and gave myself time. However, having a thin frame, I lost the weight everywhere else and I was left with this belly bulge. But it wasn't FAT, it was something else.

Something was not right.

People suggested crunches, but you know when your instinct causes you to hesitate? My body just still felt "broken." Was rigorous exercise really the care it needed?

10 months postpartum. I did some scouring of the Internet and found that I may have an abdominal wall separation that is causing this protrusion. Not surprising given the weight I carried around, but surprising considering the 10 or so people who examined me during and after pregnancy and never said a thing.

I haven't gotten an official diagnosis, but I'm exploring some tummy-safe fitness options to move on with healing.

Not wanting to find a trainer here and try to explain my situation, I ended up ordering a book for my Kindle, I think it's the one by Helene Byrne. However, as a non-fitness person, it was pretty hard to decipher how to do the exercises just going by the drawings and descriptions.

Another thing I had heard about in blog circles was an online fitness portal called "Fit 2 B Studio." I was skeptical, but gave it a try as a last option. I was pleasantly surprised by the first few workouts. It is very easy to figure out the exercises (at least the beginners level), and the instructor talks in this calm way that makes the time go by really fast. It's different from counting repetitions. You just listen to her narration while trying the new moves, and the next thing you know, you've done the workout! I also joined the members forum and everyone there is really helpful.

I'm not doing any measuring, though. Just trying to work some gentle tummy exercises into my daily routine and we'll see what the doctor says when I have a chance to check in.

So, hopefully no surgery on either count.