A story of escape

"...our house didn't have a bathtub. Nobody's house did. In 1960. In paradise on earth." 

To celebrate World Book Day on April 23, Amazon was making available some free Kindle books from international authors. I downloaded a selection of them and read the first one earlier this week. It's called A River in Darkness: One Man's Escape from North Korea, by Masaji Ishikawa. This book is an autobiography.

There has been more attention to North Korea in the news recently. Honestly, I did not know many details about the Korean War even though I live in a post-Soviet country and my home country was involved as well. I guess I have been focused more on Russian history.

Even though I'd heard rumors of starvation in North Korea, this book, written by a survivor, erases any doubts. As I was reading it, I kept thinking about periods of starvation in Russian history, such as Collectivization under Stalin (with estimates of anywhere from 7-20 million casualties), or the Siege of Leningrad (over 1 million dead in one city, from starvation and other related causes). It is hard enough to believe that such mass starvation happened within the last century, in countries that were not undeveloped/Third World at that time.

But the shocking thing about reading this story was that it happened in my lifetime and is still happening now. Ishikawa was born in 1947 and his kids are (were) my age. His kids grew up at the same time as me and never had enough to eat in their lives. Ishikawa's experience was complicated by the fact that he was a so-called "returnee" who was actually born in Japan and brought over to Korea by his Korean father. He was one of those who had perhaps the worst treatment possible, going from a simple (if challenging at times) life in rural Japan to famine/prison-like conditions in Korea with no way to make a case for better living conditions. In addition to having the lowest social status possible, I would think that the shock of the transition would make it even more challenging. As a discussion point, I wonder who would have more of a will to live: someone who has never known anything but poverty, or someone who has already tasted a glimpse of the "outside." On another level, we observe how Ishikawa's own father's character changes, as he escapes from racial discrimination as a Korean in Japan, only to plunge his Japanese wife into isolation and culture-shock as they relocate.

Aspects of living abroad

So I wrote about grocery shopping recently and now I have something to share about the postal system in Russia.

I just completed an experiment in which I ordered some books online to see how long they would take to get here. I'm not sure about big cities in the U.S., but here it's like being back in college: you get a package slip in your mailbox and have to go to the pick-up window. Kind of exciting but a let-down at the same time because you have an extra errand to do before getting your package.

Post offices are pretty easy to find and ours is practically visible from our kitchen window (if you kind of crane your neck a bit). I've written before about how the hours can be confusing, but it turns out that the pick-up window doesn't have a lunch break.

A few weeks ago, the first part of my order came in. It had been shipped separately from Great Britain. The pick-up window is open until 8pm and it was around 6, so I grabbed my passport, threw on a coat, and headed over. I went around the corner thinking I had been sent there before to pick something up. Waited in line only to be told I needed to go to the other window on the other side of the building. Once at the front of the line, it turned out I was supposed to actually copy my passport info onto the back of the package slip, along with the date.

That was to receive one book, which had taken a month or so.

Earlier this week, I got the second package slip, marked Urgent. I hustled over, but when I opened the door, the room was filled with people and I didn't have that kind of time to wait in line. :( Everyone always complains about the lines at the post office, but I don't usually mind...must have come at a particularly busy time, though. I went back home feeling rather disappointed.

Goodbye to a beloved author

In searching for words to eulogize Elisabeth Elliot, all I want to do is quote her many, many words of wisdom! And of course, the scripture passages that she based her life on. I mention her here and here.

But what to pick? Maybe I will, instead, recall a few episodes from my life in which she played a role.

1) 10 years of "Passion and Purity": I was introduced to this book in college. By then my beliefs and values were pretty much formed, but were beginning to be challenged, so it was comforting to find affirmation among the pages of Passion and Purity. I had some attempts to "convert" friends to this way of thinking, including in Russia later on (see below). After I met Andrei, I had 6 years to wait, but of course I didn't know that at the beginning or even the middle! Even though the situation was a little different, I reached for my copy again and again. And after hearing Andrei's side and reading about Jim Elliot, I still find similarities that I can relate to about that particular period.

2) In Congo: This is more about Elisabeth Elliot's daughter Valerie. Back in my "Africa" entries on this blog, I mention my brother's wedding, which was officiated by Valerie's husband, Walt Shepherd. The whole trip was rather surreal (especially living in Russia at the time), and to gaze upon Val and picture her as the little blond barefooted child in The Savage My Kinsman was also incredible. They were actually just finishing their time in Congo, so with the wedding and everything else, you could feel the winds of change as various people present were in different life transitions. Thoughts and prayers go to Valerie and her family during this time.

3) In Russia: When I moved to Russia, it turned out my good friends had been quite moved by Elisabeth Elliot's writing, and were translating Passion and Purity into the Russian language. I was given a copy when it came out. :) And then passed out copies to friends. Meanwhile, the couple stayed in touch with Elisabeth and her husband, Lars. Once I sent along a letter to Elisabeth with my own "passionate" questions. The answer was, shall we say, in her typical fashion. ;) But I was actually surprised to see that it had in fact been penned by Lars. I wasn't quite sure what to think of that, but then later on, I met them in person! Those same friends in St. Petersburg facilitated Lars and Elisabeth coming for a visit. Some other single girls and I (and a married co-worker) were at the ministry office when they came by for tea. I think we were a little starstruck. Elisabeth must have been in the beginning states of dementia, and I remember looking into her eyes once and thinking...these are the eyes that saw all those things she wrote about. A living testimony. Then she was falling asleep, and Lars was chatting with us. He was quite friendly!

4) Everyday inspiration: The two blog posts I mentioned above are one example, but whenever I pick up one of Elisabeth Elliot's books and just thumb through it for a few minutes, rereading quickly, I am immediately given so much to mull over! I only have 3-4 books of hers, but there is much meaning behind those simple, straightforward words. Certain enough to challenge my thinking for the whole day.


If you have a memory or favorite impression to share, please leave a comment and/or link! :)

Living simply; living far away (Nepal)

My mom recently sent me a book, "My Seventh Monsoon" by Naomi Reed, an Australian missionary to Nepal.

I took the book along with me to a church retreat last weekend and read a few chapters while waiting for David to fall asleep.

By the next morning, the earthquake had struck. But I didn't actually make the connection until much later. I walked into the conference room to see my friend who had been to Nepal several times, fiddling nervously with her phone. She mumbled something about an earthquake and her friends there. I didn't have internet or anything all weekend...so as I said, it didn't really register, but I could still see how it affected her. It definitely reminds me of Haiti and how many of my friends were affected by the 2010 disaster. Not a place that I've visited, but whatever burdens the hearts of my brothers and sisters is going to get to me, too.

My (Nepal-loving) friend then went on to lead morning worship for us in her sweet, faith-filled way. Later on Sunday, I finally got home to read the news and learn the scope of the tragedy.

Another of the girls who had gone.

Book recommendation/Caveat

The "dog" ate my Kindle?

It's March, and I have just enough time to squeeze in a book review for Reading Month. Unfortunately, my Kindle bit the dust some months back, so I haven't been indulging in literature much as of late.

However, I have a series that I wanted to share. I've started to write about it a few times and always stopped just short. The first book in the series is called "Chop, Chop" (by L.N. Cronk) and you can download it free for Kindle here. 

And what's worse,' she went on, 'is that on Sunday we're going to get back onto a plane and go back to our houses and our TVs and our hot tubs and we're going to forget about all this.'

'No we won't, Laci. We won't forget.'

She wiped her eyes and glared at me.

'Yes, we will. You say we won't, but after we get home we'll feel differently. It won't ever feel like this again.' -Chop, Chop (L.N. Cronk)

So....how to describe this series? For one thing, the dialogues are all like the excerpt above; pretty down-to-earth banter from a group of friends. This first book features their years as members of a high school youth group, and the conversations are very believable. I felt almost like I was back in high school, writing in my diary or reading a note from a friend.

As the friends come of age, the subsequent books continue their stories throughout their adult life. Though the author realistically portrays the most mundane moments of daily life, she also tackles a multitude of "heavy" topics, including divorce, alcoholism, adoption, teen pregnancy, child abuse, terminal illness, car accidents, and murder (I keep remembering more and adding them in). There are also episodes where characters are on the mission field, which that same excerpt is alluding to. 

Since this is a series favoring Christian values, I really appreciated the handling of such tough events in the light of God's saving grace. Though there were moments of redemption, they weren't portrayed in a fluffy or cheesy way. When I read about the topics I'd dealt with personally, I felt myself nodding in agreement. Some of the conversations felt like they were taken out of my own life. And the other ones were dealt with so poignantly that I felt compassion for anyone experiencing them.

So why would I NOT recommend these books? Well, there are pros and cons to covering so many heavy topics. A little soap-opera-ish, maybe? Though I don't think the author necessarily exaggerated on the specific issues, I wonder what the odds are of them all occurring within one close circle of friends or even within the same town. Of course that takes a little away from the realistic factor.

But my main caveat is just in how many emotional triggers come up in reading this series. A few is okay, but constant heartache is a little rough. Again, these are stories of redemption, but that doesn't lessen the grief. I especially found it hard reading about the progression of Alzheimer's, as told through the patient's eyes! It stays with you.

So I really don't know how to conclude, as I feel like these are all really important topics for discussion, and I'd be interested to hear if any of you have read this series, or would like to give the first book a shot! Just keep in mind, you will likely need to have some tissues handy! 

The Food Chronicles

I decided to look at what our family was eating to see if I could make some changes.


Breakfast: Omelets

Lunch: Homemade soup (chicken or pork w/ veggies using homemade broth), + sandwich (1 piece of rye bread with a slice of cheese or leftover roasted pork/chicken)

Dinner: Various kinds of meat+rice/pasta/potatoes +salad or other veggie

We have tea after every meal with a small treat of some kind (ONE piece of chocolate or ONE cookie). And snack on fruit or homemade croutons, etc.


Verdict: I know that I don't eat enough of some things, like fruits and veggies. But it's hard to believe that with 90% of our food made from scratch we could be way off the mark. People keep talking about the evils of grains and sugar and it's hard for me to believe that having a few slices of bread or a few cookies per day would be ruining my digestion.

A lot of women in the fitness discussion groups I frequent seem to talk about "real food" and "Paleo" all the time. So I decided to check out a new e-book written by a woman I'd run into before in the blogosphere. She blogs at http://trinaholden.com/blog/.

Your Real Food Journey: A Gentle Guide to Steady Progress (by Trina Holden)

-My Thoughts-

Even though I am not sold on the "real food" movement, I really enjoyed this book. Yes, I rolled my eyes about all the "staying close to the source" and buying local everything and finding a raw milk source and whatnot. I wish someone would put out a book like this for urban life! And the dessert section is frustrating...I don't know where to buy sugar substitute or eggs that can be consumed raw.

But aside from the shopping side of the equation, Trina definitely has a knack for making things sound doable, and she assigns some simple tasks for those who like their checklists.

Here are a few sections of the book I found applicable:

1) Bone Broth

Making my own chicken broth seemed like a no-brainer. If I make soup, I use homemade broth, but I don't actually make it that often because I don't have stock vegetables on hand like onions, celery, and carrots.

"Your Real Food Journey" suggests: use bone broth in almost everything as a substitute for water; use it to boil your rice, pasta, etc. Again, that wasn't a new idea to me, but I'd never purposed to do it regularly. The life-changer was that she mentioned simmering just the bones. No soup veggies needed, just cover the chicken bones with water and some vinegar and simmer away for several hours. Then you have some broth you can use the next day for cooking your dinner. We eat chicken so often that I could definitely see myself doing this a lot.


2) Cultured Foods/Homemade Yogurt

Fermentation is a part of the Russian food culture, and I could see myself getting into it. "Your Real Food Journey" claims that fermented foods have special enzymes that can aid your digestion if you include them in every meal. Kefir and sauerkraut are the main ones around here, but the book has recipes like "Gingered Carrots" that sound edible as well.

As far as homemade yogurt, she suggests using some whey, which I'm pretty sure I could find in the supermarket here. The dairy section in Russian grocery stores is huge, and that includes cultured products. Hopefully I will make a yogurt attempt one of these days. If not, I can always just buy some kefir. Homemade is "better," but sometimes baby steps are necessary. Extra dishes have to be factored in!


So those are a few projects I'd like to try. As far as cutting out foods/food groups, well....the jury is still out.

Prairie Life

If you're looking for some wholesome historical fiction about homesteaders, I can recommend the "Butter in the Well" series. I downloaded both volumes for free on my Kindle, though they cost a few dollars now.

The two books in the series are written in the form of diary entries, which the author based on various historical documents and other publications. They are fictionalized accounts of the lives of real Swedish immigrants. The first is written from the point of view of a young wife, and the second- that of her teenaged daughter.

The diary entries are all pretty simple and some are even mundane. We hear about which foods they are canning on a given day and which new inventions have come to town. Sometimes there is a list of people who are sick. Sentiments are included, but not always. The simple style makes it seem more realistic, as if a real person is just writing his/her thoughts as they come and trying to record things for posterity. Even though it isn't very riveting, it is convincing.

At the same time, there are often several entries in a row that talk about historical events or inventions, and you get the feeling that the author is trying to pack as many facts into the text as possible and then just connecting it all with a few imagined details. It can get a bit tiresome.

All in all, the series is very calming and educational. An enjoyable change of pace, and it was interesting knowing that these people really existed, even if the specific thoughts in the fictional "diary" never actually crossed their mind. It looks like the author (Linda Hubalek) has a few other similar series that I might check out as well.

And the characters of "Butter in the Well" ARE Christians, but there is nothing "preachy" going on in the narrative.

We've Arrived

So I guess reading to your child is one of those things that make you a model parent! You'd think so. I've seen all those photos on social media and Pinterest with the DIY nursery reading "nook" and the adorable shots of the parents (more often the mommy bragging about the daddy) with the newborn, "reading" a book together...so cute. I definitely thought we'd be that kind of family, but it turns out there is more to babycare than read-aloud time! I think I have one photo of myself reading to David in his first year, and I can't post it because it's a pajama shot...whoops.

But since around the time David turned two, he's suddenly been very enthusiastic about books! He likes to read whole stacks at a time and has memorized various fragments and where things are on certain pages. We didn't do anything differently...just kept making them accessible and he eventually got interested. In fact, I worried that I wasn't "modeling" book use enough since I read on my Kindle, but that doesn't seem to be a problem.

It's exciting to see how it goes hand-in-hand with language learning. And not just vocabulary, even certain grammar constructions. I like grammar.

I will admit I'm often looking for more time for myself, and I try to pare down the reading pile or cut the time short, or skip over certain pages, or hustle him off to bed so I can have some peace and quiet. Even in the positive moments we always have our own wants and desires and agendas. Even as we read, I have certain things I want him to see, or books that I want to be his favorites. I bought him a book called "Back to Bed, Ed" to encourage "good" sleep habits. He was interested in what the mouse family was having for breakfast...not their sleepy eyes from the kids' nighttime wakings!

Here are some of the things that go through my head when I hear those words: Mommy, READ....


"I'm SuperMom!"(right?)

"We're raising a genius."

"I hope he doesn't pick THAT book again."

 "I'm going to hide that one."

"I wish he would read to himself."

"I wish we could have silent reading and each read to ourselves."

"I wish he would stay on task instead of pointing to random things on the page."

"I wish he would pay attention to the moral of the story."

 "My throat hurts from trying to enunciate all these baby words."


Sad, right? But I love it, too.

Survival Mode

We've had to scale back activities for the past few weeks due to the convergence of a few factors, including my head cold, Andrei's heavy teaching/conference schedule, and dreary weather. I guess I sort of alluded to it in the last few posts. Anyway, I did an assessment today and realized that I had let go of a lot of my goals and just a lot of self-discipline went out the window. I think it was okay to have a few "pajama" days, and that was a conscious decision-to not put too much on myself that would lead to exhaustion, during a time when Andrei needed to focus on other things. Taking naps during the day with David. But it is hard to get that momentum back, and I know that I will need to work hard at it as those gray winter days set in.

I've been mostly better for a few days and then I got these blisters on the corners of my mouth! Sorry if it sounds gross, but it's just another sign that my immune system was weakened, I guess. So I've been increasing the vitamins and probiotics again. I was preparing to head to worship practice this week, but when I thought about the mouth sores and needing to open my mouth to sing, or press my flute against the wound...well, that's pretty much a deal-breaker. It will have to wait.

I got into a fiction series this week (first installment free on Kindle and it's a nice length) about mother-daughter homesteaders in present times who live sort of in isolation. It's a Christian series with some good values, but it still manages to romanticize the homesteading life a bit. Who wouldn't want to make their own ice cream and hand-stencil wallpaper? Heh. It addresses the issues of time management, and that got me thinking...how is it that we do so little "manual" labor these days, yet we still never have enough time? Well, obviously a job and its commute will do that to you, but I feel like I never get anything done even being at home. Soap-making, are you kidding me? Where does the time go? And part of what gets me is that everything in modern life is so fragmented. I wish it could all fit together somehow. Why do I resent going outside for a walk? I wish it accomplished something...I wish we had a task to do out there, other than trying to get some exercise in order to sleep well. Why do we have to get exercise on purpose, instead of just naturally doing physical tasks throughout the day? But my big question for the homesteaders would be what they do with their children. Is it just more natural to have children wandering around as you do outside chores? Okay, they're all perfect angels and help out, but you have to teach them, and that takes time, and is more messy in the meantime. Is there such thing as abandoning farm chores because of a teething toddler, or staying in when you have a cold? The thing that sounds nice about homesteading is the "home" part. And I suppose many would agree. I like my modern technology, but I do get tired of the city, and its vices (as bottles shatter outside the window).

Another idea mentioned in the (first) book is that "every day should have its Sabbath"...I don't know if they borrowed it from somewhere or not. Basically, the lack of electricity forces you to slow down in the evening. And I'm sitting here tapping out a blog post at midnight because there is NO other time when I can work in peace. And the household chores still aren't done. But I'm not complaining. I'm just thinking about priorities.

Duped!

Earlier this year I became persuaded to order one of those e-book "bundles." I don't know what came over me. Though there were certain factors that influenced me, it went against my initial instincts and general skeptic attitude toward such offers.

I'm not going to name the "bundle" because I don't want to defame anyone. Let's just say I've learned my lesson about falling for the advertising campaigns, which makes me sad, because...

...a lot of women in the Christian online community raved about this deal. About how it was the best thing ever and such a great value and too good to miss and full of tons of good reading and useful information. It's hard to explain why that bothers me, but I'll explore that more down below.

Then there are the "savings." The offers often promise "$100 worth of books for $30," for example. Let's say you pay 30 % or as little as 20 % of the list price. The problem is that it's like one of those sushi assortments where only a few of the items included are actually palatable; the rest is low quality or not something you would choose for yourself and spend money on. Or a DVD 10-pack where only 1 or 2 of the films is worth watching. After paying, I realized that at least half of the books in the "bundle" just aren't something that would be useful to me. To be fair, they're pretty American-culture oriented, and it's not their fault that I'm living overseas. But I still feel a little bit duped, and I'll explain some other reasons why.

When You Don't Want to Go to Church (Part 4)

Turns out I wasn't done with this series after all. I'd forgotten that I wanted to add some notes about a book I read on this topic.

Some years ago I'd heard of a book by Josh Harris called "Stop Dating the Church." I hadn't read it, but it sounded like my first post in this series, where I talk about Christian "free-lancers" and why I think that's a ridiculous idea, as opposed to being a part of one specific fellowship.

So I set out to find the book, which it turns out is now titled "Why Church Matters: Discovering Your Place in the Family of God."

A note about Josh Harris: I like him as an author because he can be controversial. Whether you agree with him or not, he isn't afraid to take a position and defend it. In an age of wishy-washy values, I admire that. Well, that and I tend to agree with his views! Yes, I was an "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" fan.

In "Why Church Matters," Harris presents a lot of initial explanations that are pretty basic: the church as the Body of Christ, etc., etc. Okay, sounds reasonable. NEXT. After that he proceeds to define "church-dater." As we've already established, I am more of a "long-term relationship" church-goer, so this view of his wasn't anything new to me, either. He states, "My goal in this book is to help you get connected and committed to a solid local church." (p. 21) Okay, that's pretty clear.

My interest was piqued about 1/3 of the way through the book when frequent mentions of the Bride of Christ started to draw me in. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I have been neglectful. When I question my own church commitment, I'm usually thinking about keeping promises, being active/disciplined, and not letting people down. But what if I instead thought of each commitment in terms of an expression of love for the Church? Not loyalty to an organization, but thinking more of the big picture.

So why is a local church the best environment for loving the Church as a whole? One reason Harris gives (quoting Piper): "Sanctification is a community project." (p. 40)

To further illustrate the idea of community, Harris describes a book which tells the story of two young Christians who "hit the highway in search of God." They were taking a break from their local church community and going on a pilgrimage.

But I like what Harris says next: "Going away is easy. Do you want to know what's harder? Do you want to know what takes more courage and what will make you grow faster than anything else? Join a local church and lay down your selfish desires by considering others more important than yourself." (p.50)

This hits home with me as I've been realizing that running away from conflict isn't always the higher road. I may be "good at" staying faithful to a local church or being a long-term friend, but what is actually going on in my heart? I can lose control of my tongue and engage in some pretty good arguments, but when it comes to something that's really irked me, I tend to want to pull away. I'll just quit teaching Sunday school. I'll just stay home from the next party. I'll just refrain from speaking up at Bible study next time. I'll just keep that person at arm's length. Sometimes hard conversations need to happen in order to move forward. It seems like to refrain from confrontation entirely would be to remain in infancy.

And how likely are those conversations to happen when you keep everyone at arm's length by not settling down in a local body? That's the thing to think about here.

I think I'll stop there even though I didn't get to all the points in the book.

Cooking adventures

Recently I was planning on making a salad and asked Andrei to grate a little onion. I thought the flavor would be a little more subtle that way...who wants a mouthful of onion?

Ingredients mixed with care, I took a bite and got a blast of...bitter! The whole salad was bitter and the only thing I could trace it back to was the onion. Weird! And why?

When I have cooking mishaps, I often wonder where I went wrong. I've been trying to work on my "kitchen chemistry" skills lately to avoid the big no-nos. When I scoured the Internet a year or so ago looking for a good handbook, I came across Cook's Illustrated's "The Science of Good Cooking." It's organized around 50 "concepts" that cover a lot of the chemical reactions that occur in cooking. When I looked up onion in the index, sure enough, there was a page talking about oxidation, with accompanying experiments. Something about cell structure and bruising and so on. The bottom line is, when the recipe says to chop/ dice/ crush/ grate/ etc., you don't substitute one action for the other. You could end up with a flavor too defined (or too subtle). And you might end up having to throw out the whole thing, sigh.

More on The Science of Good Cooking

Whenever I'm curious about something cooking-related, it's definitely helpful to have this book in order to look it up. Each concept is accompanied by several recipes and then an explanation of why each recipe is destined to be successful.

I like reading the explanations, but I've been a little disappointed by the recipe assortment. I think it might be a regional thing as Andrei and I mostly eat chicken and pork and don't need all the recipes for steak, grilled items, turkey, vegetables that we can't buy here, etc. The reviews on Amazon at least say the recipes are really good, but I just don't see myself trying a majority of them, so I'll have to find other ways to use the concepts.

I can see myself getting into the baked goods, though. I need to hunt around for the ingredients, but there are definitely several recipes I'd like to try, like cheesecake. So far I've tried brownies, chocolate chip cookies, and banana bread. The recipes are pretty nit-picky and involve a lot of different steps such as browning the butter or softening the bananas in the microwave and then straining them. It's not so much hard to follow the recipe as it is to do the dishes afterward! I think I will make the brownies and chocolate chip cookies again, but the banana bread wasn't all that special for the effort involved...quick breads should be "quick" in my opinion. ;) And I already have a reliable recipe.


Some other sources for recipes I've used lately are below.

Natasha's Kitchen has lots and lots of Russian/Ukrainian/other types of recipes and it is just a really well-organized, high-quality blog in general. I went through putting a bunch of them in a Pinterest folder to try later. Tonight for dinner I made Chicken Mushroom Casserole, really good! Natasha also has lots and lots of desserts, but I've never actually tried making any of them! Many of them are elegant but a little bit complicated. Hopefully for a holiday or something I can try one.

Another good English-language blog with Russian recipes is Olga's Flavor Factory. She's got a nice-sized archive on there too and there are also posts with cooking tips like how to deseed a tomato, and the occasional sweet post about her faith and family.

In general it seems that the number of U.S. based blogs with Russian cuisine is growing. I think that's a really good thing as Russian cuisine definitely has some tasty dishes that deserve recognition. And it's nice to have an English-language version of the recipes with nice photography. The only problem is sometimes they are TOO Americanized and use ingredients and short-cuts I don't have access to here! Obviously there is going to be a lot of overlap within the content of these blogs, but I don't think that's a problem.

When you're famous

My observant husband recently pointed out that I hadn't done a book review for a long time on my blog. So I decided it was time to remedy that. However, I think this and other book reviews are really more like book "reports" as I won't be able to go into quite as much detail.

I've probably mentioned before that one of my favorite book genres is biography because you get the storytelling but learn something useful at the same time.

So a month or two ago I was thinking about classic children's books and Laura Ingalls Wilder came to my mind. Her books are so well-known; wouldn't it be interesting to learn even MORE about her famous childhood and the continuing story?

What I found was that 1) Some of the biographies are print-only, no digital version and 2) Many of the biographies got so-so reviews.

I am trying not to say too much because I don't want to spoil it for anyone who wants to read about Laura Ingalls Wilder. But here's the bottom line: "Laura Ingalls Wilder" as we know her is somewhat of a legend. Learning too much background information can take away the magic. This is what the reviewers warned about, and I was grateful to be able to make a conscious decision before my childhood image of the "Little House" books was replaced by reality.

Now, on to the content of the biography:

The book is called "Laura Ingalls Wilder: A Writer's Life (South Dakota Biography Series)" by Pamela Smith Hill. I thought it was going to be about the LIFE of a writer and it was more like the WRITING life of a writer. It takes you through the history of all of Laura Ingalls Wilder's published works. It details the writing and editing process as well as her communication with publishers and how readers responded. It describes the role of Wilder's daughter, Rose. And it puts the whole writing process in the context of what was going on in their lives at the time.

Meanwhile, the process of Laura Ingalls Wilder taking her own life and turning it into a book that people would enjoy reading did require some editing. Chronology is adjusted; real-life people are blended to become book characters; certain bleak events are omitted. Again I am not going to go into too much detail, but I think I will have a different feeling now reading the books.

Without having read other Wilder biographies, I would venture to guess that this particular one fills an important niche by focusing on the writing career. I wouldn't have minded reading more of a narrative of life events. But maybe I should just let the "Little House" books continue to play that role, fictionalizations and all.

Three Biographies

Just wanted to mention three people whose lives have inspired me lately.

1. C.S. Lewis-Last month we observed the 50th anniversary of his death (which coincided with the death of John F. Kennedy). Andrei and some of his colleagues at the St. Petersburg Christian University held a conference devoted to various Lewis-related topics. It was fun to hear from people that had studied his work and life so intently. And to be in an academic setting for a day. :)



2. Dietrich Bonhoeffer- I finally finished reading the biography by Eric Metaxas! It was a great read. And long, obviously. How long have I been talking about it? Since sometime last year? I recommend reading it, even if you've already read other biographies.


3. Fred Rogers-Looks kind of funny in this list, doesn't he? When I read Lewis I often have trouble convincing myself that he wrote in my native language! But Mister Rogers had a gift for explaining things simply. Can today's kids even relate to his slow pace? I put on a few clips (for David, but also for myself) and recalled my PBS childhood. And then I started to read about his life a little bit. One of the more interesting tidbits I found was this clip of him before the Senate! What a kind and talented person he was.

Friends and Families

I have been looking forward to writing this post, because it regards an inspiring story belonging to friends, and is also very relevant to my own story.

Introduction

When I was a child, our family attended (and sometimes hosted) reunions of a few housechurches that my parents had been involved in, mostly before I was born. When you are a child, you are often missing a lot of information. And I didn't really know why we were gathering, how these people had met, and what their individual stories were.

Several of the families had adopted at least one child. Here, again, I didn't fully understand certain issues: adoption, abortion, orphanages, foster care, fertility/infertility, etc.

I remember noticing different colors of skin, different eye structures, as well as some physical limitations. Do we need to mention these things out loud? Grown-ups don't always talk about them in plain language. Of one boy, I finally asked what was "wrong" with him. It turned out he had Asperger's.

Meanwhile, one particular family consisted of Hector and Sue Badeau and their children, and they lived in another state, but we saw them once a year or so. They had a lot of kids! They all looked pretty different, so they were probably adopted, but where did they all come from? How did they all live together? I think when you see a family that big and don't know them personally, it just seems like a crowd. Like that family on TV, the Duggars. How do they keep them all straight?

Well, Sue and Hector answer that question in their book that came out recently. The full title is: "Are We There Yet? The Ultimate Road Trip: Adopting and Raising 22 Kids!" Sue had shared some of it with me back when I was trying to help match some Russian kids up with local families here. But the book gives even more backstory, including from the housechurch days that involved my parents and some other friends from growing up.

I was fascinated to read the stories of each individual child, including all the family dynamics.

Here are a few thoughts that stood out to me. I hope the authors will forgive me for not using page number for now as I'm using Cloud Reader!

1) Adoption always starts with a tragedy. This is what I was thinking about when I read the part where another adoptive mom tells Sue, "Never forget, Sue, your joy as a mom to Jose is built on the ashes of another mother's grief." I remember going to a Russian summer camp with a missions team, and the director telling us, "The orphanage groups have several new kids. If they're new to the orphanage, that means they have some fresh trauma." It's something that is a part of someone's past that we can forget because we're so eager to help them start new lives.

2) God's calling. While praying about adoption decisions, Sue and Hector felt led to focus on children who were "most in need of a home and least likely to get one." I find in my own life that the paradox of God's will is that it feels extraordinary and natural at the same time. I think it's incredible that I ended up in Russia, but at the same time it feels just right. When I think of the 20+ children that Sue and Hector have raised, it is difficult to even fathom, and yet when I read their story, I realize that they are just "ordinary" people who wanted to obey God. Am I His vessel too, ready to be used?

3) Siblings! One of the more specific areas of advocacy that touched me was Sue and Hector's insistence on keeping siblings together. I forget exactly how many sibling groups they adopted, but it often took special efforts. I will never forget the story of Adam, a terminally ill child, and his brother Aaron, who was initially kept in a different family. Apparently, Adam was deemed "too disabled" to even know he had a brother.

"Adam almost never smiles. He’s not generally a pleasant child. He doesn’t snuggle or even like to be hugged. He frequently flinches when someone approaches him to wash him up, change him, feed him, or even give him a hug. His body is often stiff, and his movements are sharp and flailing. He makes some sounds, but unlike Wayne and Dylan, who delight us with their peals of laughter and funny noises, Adam’s verbal utterances tend to be cries or moans more often than contented sounds..."

And then, the reunion of the brothers...

"As soon as the bus attendant lowers the lift and Adam’s wheelchair hits the pavement, Aaron runs up to him and gives him a big hug. “Tubby!” Aaron says gleefully. And then the most wonderful thing happens—Adam’s face lights up into the biggest smile we’ve ever seen."

This sibling issue is something I would love to see fought for in Russia, too. Siblings are often split up among orphanages here. I know part of it has to do with them needing to attend certain schools, but it's sad that they can't have unlimited access to their only family members. I even have mixed feelings about this when the siblings are in the same orphanage, yet on different floors, for example. 

I still haven't quite figured out how this whole advocacy thing works in Russia. I feel like American society is more rewarding towards people who are gung-ho enough about their cause to break down every door until they see results. Resilience is a necessary trait in Russia, too. But there is a different set of etiquette, a different social hierarchy, and a different way to challenge unsatisfactory decisions. Most of it is still over my head. 

So for now I have to trust the Holy Spirit, our Advocate on high.

To flee or not

I am still working on (reading) the Bonhoeffer biography. Lots of thoughts to slowly digest.

Right now I am at the part of his life where he is torn over whether or not he needs to be in Germany. Of course, as readers, we know how his life ends up.

Bonhoeffer did a lot of traveling, and could have escaped from Germany as the conflict was heating up. But when he did travel,-to America, for instance-he felt restless being away from Germany.

Journal entry from 13th June, 1939—The country house in Lakeville, Connecticut, is in the hills; fresh and luxuriant vegetation. In the evening thousands of fire-flies in the garden, like flying fire. I had never seen them before. Quite a fantastic sight. Very friendly and “informal” reception. All that’s missing is Germany, the brethren. The first lonely hours are hard. I do not understand why I am here, whether it was a sensible thing to do, whether the results will be worthwhile. In the evening, last of all, the readings and thoughts about work at home.

Another entry from the same time period: It is almost unbearable. . . . Today God’s Word says, “I am coming soon” (Rev. 3.11). There is no time to lose, and here I am wasting days, perhaps weeks. In any case, it seems like that at the moment. Then I say to myself again, “It is cowardice and weakness to run away here now.” Will I ever be able to do any really significant work here? Disquieting political news from Japan. If it becomes unsettled now I am definitely going back to Germany. I cannot stay outside [Germany] by myself. That is quite clear. My whole life is still over there.

Later, we learn that Bonhoeffer did in fact cut short his trip in favor of returning to Germany. Was it mere homesickness or a greater sense of obligation? Perhaps some of both.

Even in a time of peace, I think we often feel a sense of urgency and restlessness when we have to be away from what we believe is our place of ministry. It reminds me of times when I've been delayed from entering Russia. 

And it also resembles our situation a little bit, with people asking if we want to seek a better life elsewhere. In Russia, we're a religious minority. And the country has seen better times. For some these reasons are motivation to leave, and for others it just creates more opportunities to trust in the Lord.

*Quotes were included in the Eric Metaxas biography. I need to go back and get the page numbers...

Advocacy à la D.Bonhoeffer

"Only he who cries out for the Jews may sing Gregorian chants." -Dietrich Bonhoeffer

For a while now I've been slowly reading through the Eric Metaxas biography* of Dietrich Bonhoeffer. I recently saw someone mention having devoured it very quickly, which I suppose I might have done if it were a work of fiction. But there is much food for thought here.

I began to wonder if his kind of advocacy has a present-day equivalent. That is, I wonder if his approach would be applicable today.

As far as he was concerned, to dare to sing to God when his chosen people were being beaten and murdered meant that one must also speak out against their suffering. If one was unwilling to do this, God was not interested in one's worship. (Metaxas, pp.280-281)

I guess I have two questions here. The first is whom we would name as the "chosen people" today. Would we still point to the Jews, or could the Persecuted Church or even the orphans fall into this category?

My second question regards our involvement. Does God really not want us to worship if we're not involved in advocacy? Is advocacy an all-or-nothing principle, or is it something I can practice on occasion?

In other words, if one of God's precious ones is suffering, do I have the right to keep on living my daily life? Bonhoeffer was right in the middle of all that was going on, but maybe he could have avoided that. Should I intentionally throw myself into these kinds of controversies, or at the least, avoid running away from them? Or is this activism reserved for someone with a specific calling?

And who should be my audience? The Church? Society? The U.S. Government? The Russian Government?

Those are my thoughts about one little quote, so you can see how it's taking me a while to get through 500+ pages. :)

*Metaxas, Eric (2010-04-20).  Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy. Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.

Introverts and favorites

It’s been awhile since I've thought about being an introvert. Maybe I’ve overcome some of the issues, or maybe I just haven’t had to face them lately! There were two books I wanted to review a few years ago, and never got around to it.


The first one was called “The Introvert Advantage: Making the Most of Your Inner Strengths," by Marti Olsen Laney. I like it because it explains the difference between introverts and extroverts in a more factual way. And it helps me understand why I possess certain oddities.

What's your favorite _____________?

Recently, we had a reflection time at Bible study and were asked to name some favorite parts of 2012, as it came to a close. While it seemed like a good idea, I had a pretty hard time answering. In fact, I have a hard time naming my favorite anything! Of course I don’t forget factual information like my date of birth, but when it comes to how I feel about something, I have a hard time retrieving the information. I have to make up things like my favorite book or favorite color.

So it was a relief to read that our memories actually DO work differently. Without including the long-winded information about brain signals, here is the gist of it:

"...we introverts think nothing relevant is in our head because we haven’t triggered the association to our long-term memory. Our mind seems blank. This is why introverts can even forget what we like to do or what we are good at." (p.81)*

Losing our train of thought...

It may sound like a lame excuse, but here's a reason that we can't find the right words sometimes:

Often introverts have trouble finding the word they want when they are speaking out loud. Our brains use many different areas for speaking, reading, and writing; therefore, information needs to flow freely between the separate areas. Word retrieval may be a problem for introverts because the information moves slowly. One cause of this is that we use long-term memory, so it takes longer and requires the right association (something that reminds us of the word) to reach back into our long-term memory to locate the exact word we want. If we are anxious, it may be even more difficult to find and articulate a word. Written words use different pathways in the brain, which seems to flow fluently for many introverts. (pp.69-70)

Socially "awkward"

Meanwhile, here are some behavior "oddities" that I'm definitely guilty of:

An introvert may:

-Reduce eye contact when speaking to focus on collecting words and thoughts; increase eye contact when listening to take in information • Surprise others with their wealth of information • Shy away from too much attention or focus • Appear glazed, dazed, or zoned out when stressed, tired, or in groups...

The dominance of the l-o-n-g acetylcholine pathway means that introverts :

• May start talking in the middle of a thought, which can confuse others • Have a good memory but take a long time to retrieve memories • Can forget things they know very well—might stumble around when explaining their job or temporarily forget a word they want to use • May think they told you something when they just have thought it • Are clearer about ideas, thoughts, and feelings after sleeping on them • May not be aware of their thoughts unless they write or talk about them ( pp. 84-85)

When it's hard to retrieve those thoughts, I have trouble doing things like praying out loud, explaining to someone what I do, telling someone about my day...

But introverts CAN be public speakers. It isn't a fear of people, it's a fear of the words not making their way onto one's tongue. It IS possible to memorize speeches and come across quite eloquently. It IS possible to memorize the appropriate answers to common questions, for both formal and informal settings, and use personalized memory triggers to access those answers.

When I studied foreign languages, I would sometimes give false answers to questions about myself. For example, I would usually say I had "one brother and one sister" (it's actually more than that) because it used the easiest noun endings. For college interviews, I had to do a little acting. What were my goals in life? How did I feel about the upcoming transition to college life? I said the first things that came to my mind. In situations like these it isn't the most true-to-life information, but it works for passing the test.

But what if you want to have a REAL conversation? Introverts may need time to reflect. Or, if you check your email a few hours after a conversation with an introvert, you may find some very thoughtful answers, which have finally made themselves known. :)

* All quotations are from: Laney Psy.D., Marti Olsen (2002-02-01). The Introvert Advantage: Making the Most of Your Inner Strengths (p. 69). Workman Publishing - A. Kindle Edition.

Quick break from bureaucracy: bilingual parenting

Back before we were expecting David...let's see, that was actually when we were engaged-I downloaded a book to read called "Bilingual By Choice: Raising Kids in Two (or More!) Languages," by Virginie Raguenaud.

Reading it on my Kindle made it harder to flip through and mark my favorite sections and take notes. I regret never having written that book review, because I really enjoyed the book.

The author writes from her own experience. She grew up speaking 3 languages and is raising her twins in French and English. I loved reading about her childhood memories, as she did her homework in one language and then would check her answers with her parents in another language.

I think the book's title (Bilingual by CHOICE) is key. Any family could promote bilingualism in their children, but it takes planning and intention. Although kids are resilient and learn fast, they can lose a language just as easily if they aren't given a chance or a reason to use it.

At the end of the book is a lengthy list of language-promoting activities to do with kids: things like going to the zoo or even observing a construction site and learning all the associated vocabulary.

The book contains a lot of good ideas, though there is no guarantee that what worked for the author would work for others as well.

I would love to hear how Virginie Raguenaud's children are doing now with their two (or more?) languages. I want to go back and read the book again, as well as the other one I liked, "Raising a Bilingual Child.." (read my review).

Another (more serious) book on marriage

When I mentioned "heavy" books on marriage that I was reading, this was one of them. But I think the heaviness that I felt reading John Piper's "This Momentary Marriage" is more about the weight of His glory than about something sad. It's all quite positive, because it is God's plan, and all that He created is good. But it is also a great responsibility.

(You can download "This Momentary Marriage" for free from John Piper's website.*)

Something old, something new

Many of the marriage-related topics addressed in this book (forgiveness, gender roles, etc.) can be found in the sermons posted on desiringgod.org. I had listened to several of them recently, so I recognized the material.

Yes, he offers commentary on the "same old" passages, such as Ephesians 5. But he expands on them in such a way that I received many new nuggets of insight that I hope to apply in my own life.

Grounds for marriage

Early on in the book, Piper quotes Colossians 3:12 ("Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved...") and then expands on a description of believers as 1) chosen, 2) holy, and 3) beloved. His conclusion is this: read more/-

"This is the beginning of how husbands and wives forbear and forgive. They are blown away by being chosen, set apart, and loved by God. Husbands, devote yourselves to seeing and savoring this. Wives, do the same. Get your life from this. Get your joy from this. Get your hope from this-that you are chosen, set apart, and loved by God. Plead with the Lord that this would be the heartbeat of your life and your marriage."

I made a note of this as something to pray about continuously.

Being in love vs. keeping a covenant

We've all heard it: "love" and "being in love" are not the same thing. People warn you that the "in love" goes away, so you'd better work on the "love" part. I like Piper's no-nonsense approach:

"If a spouse falls in love with another person, one profoundly legitimate response from the grieved spouse and from the church is, 'So what! Your being 'in love' with someone else is not decisive. Keeping your covenant is decisive.'"

Something recoils in me at the thought of ever having to deal with this problem. But I am so glad that there are people fighting for these truths, and that I know which side I'm on.

Marriage roles

Piper's comments on Ephesians 5 are that:
-the husband is like Christ, but he is NOT Christ
-"the analogy only works if the woman submits to Christ absolutely, not to the husband absolutely. Then she will be in a position to submit to the husband without committing treason or idolatry."

But I also felt it was appropriate that he challenges the ambiguity of modern marriage roles with this comment:

-"... the problem is that egalitarians seem to stop with mutual submission, as if that were all one needed to say about roles in marriage, or as if that is all that the text has to say. And when they stop there, most people today are left with great ambiguity and great confusion about the proper roles of husband and wife...You don't need to deny mutual submission to affirm the importance of the unique role of the husband as head and the unique calling of the wife to submit to that headship. The simplest way to see this is to remember that Jesus himself bound himself with a towel and got down on the floor and washed his disciples' feet (the bridegroom serving the bride), but not for one minute did any of the apostles in that room doubt who the leader was in that moment." (emphasis mine)

Piper then goes on to illustrate headship for two chapters.

"If there is a sound downstairs during the night and it might be a burglar, you don't say to her, 'This is an egalitarian marriage, so it's your turn to go check it out. I went last time.'...Big or little, strong or weak, night or day, you go up against the enemy first."

The next section deals with wives' submission. Piper expands on Proverbs 31:25: "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come."

"She looks away from the troubles and miseries and obstacles of life that seem to make the future bleak, and she focuses her attention on the sovereign power and love of God who rules in heaven and does on earth whatever he pleases (Ps. 115:3). She knows her Bible, and she knows her theology of the sovereignty of God, and she knows his promise that he will be with her and will help her and strengthen her no matter what."

Not married

Singlehood can be a blessing....haven't we all heard that before? (1 Corinthians 7)  I started flipping through the section a little faster, but I found that he offers some beautiful insight, like this comment:

"Someone might ask, wouldn't it be better to have both-the blessings of marriage and the blessings of heaven?...the blessings of being with Christ in heaven are so far superior to the blessings of being married and raising children that asking this question will be like asking, wouldn't it be better to have the ocean and also the thimbleful?" (emphasis mine)

 On hospitality

"If you are afraid of hospitality-that you don't have much personal strength or personal wealth-good. Then you won't intimidate anybody. You will depend all the more on God's grace. You will look all the more to the work of Christ and not your own work. And what a blessing people will get in your simple home or your little apartment."

Isn't this so true? I have been the recipient of this hospitality so many times, especially in Russia, where living conditions are modest. How wonderful to enjoy a simple meal in good company, or even just a cup of tea! When you are served the last portion of homemade soup, how warming it is to the soul! My roommate likes to say that food prepared with love is always tasty. I think that's mostly true. She always eats my cooking at least, even if she does douse it with ketchup once in a while. :)


Having children

This chapter begins with a treatise on sexual relations in marriage. Lots of good thoughts, but I'm simultaneously reading Piper's "Sex and the Supremacy of Christ," so perhaps I will cover that topic in another review.

His main thoughts on Christian child-rearing relate to marriage partners as a model of God's love for the future generation. "As husband and wife, they are a drama of the covenant-keeping love between Christ and the church. That is where God wants children to be. His design is that children grow up watching Christ love the church and watching the church delight in following Christ."

As he digs deeper, Piper focuses mainly on appealing to fathers as heads of households, with discussion on Eph. 6:4: "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger."

When things don't work out

Unfortunately, a marriage book isn't "complete" without mentioning divorce. But I agree with Piper's stance on this issue as well. He suggests a combination of compassion for those suffering with a deep hatred for divorce itself and the sin that causes it. His simple argument against divorce relates directly to Christ's covenant with His bride.

"And if the blood-brought church, under the new covenant, ever ceases to be the bride of Christ, then a wife may legitimately divorce her husband. But as long as Christ keeps his covenant with the church, and as long as the church, by the omnipotent grace of God, remains the chosen people of Christ, then the very meaning of marriage will include: What God has joined, only God can separate."

Piper applies this to remarriage as well. Divorcing and remarrying is an act of adultery (Mark 10:10-12), because Christ would never abandon His bride in this way. However, this does not mean that those who have remarried should abandon their current spouses, as they are already in a covenant with them.


Thinking "out loud"

I finally realized what it is that's particular about Piper's teaching/writing style, and that is that he muses his way through an issue. He records all of his reactions as they enter his mind. He asks questions and leads the reader in exploring them; then his observations flow along, with lots of clauses linked by "and."

In the section on child-rearing that I mentioned, Piper muses about Paul's reasons for making a particular exhortation. 

"Of all the things Paul could have encouraged fathers not to do, he chooses this one. Amazing. Why this one? Why not, don't discourage them? Or pamper them? Or tempt them to covet or lie or steal? Why not, don't abuse them? Or neglect them? Or set a bad example for them? Or manipulate them? Of all the things he could have warned fathers against, why this: 'Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger?'...He doesn't tell us why. So let me guess from what I know of Scripture and life. I'll suggest two reasons. First..."

That's a pretty roundabout way of posing a question! It's effective in a way because it leads the reader in asking questions. But it's a little too informal, in my opinion. Lots of personal pronouns.

Conclusions

I think this book is a great, comprehensive look at God's design for marriage. John Piper's arguments are solid and I see no red flags as to false teaching. "Momentary Marriage" is not a collection of practical helps; it is a biblical explanation for building a solid marriage that will glorify God. Single people and the church as a whole will also appreciate reflecting on how Christ gave himself up for His bride and how this is reflected in human relationships.

Read more book reviews at YLCF's March of Books this month! 


*A word about the format: The PDF file is beautifully formatted, with a nice typeface and quotes offset in italics, etc. When I converted it to my Kindle, that was all lost. The footnotes show up in the middle of the text, as well as the page headings. There is no italicizing or indentation to indicate where there are quotations. There are quotes by Dietrich Bonhoeffer that blend in with the text and are practically lost. Just a little warning.