Blurting things out

Are there any topics that you find yourself arguing about and then regret it later? (mine are down in the second half of the post)

I find that with social media especially, I am always sticking my foot in my mouth.

Before there were faster methods of communication, reticence tended to save me from saying anything stupid, except around people in whose company I felt totally relaxed. Yeah, I got into ridiculous arguments with siblings, but nothing out of the ordinary. A friend and I had this game called the "random game" where we would just say the first thing that came into our heads. Innocent life before Internet...

Then came chatting via instant messenger, where it was just silly banter.

For emails and blogging, I would always take the time to choose my words carefully. In some ways I still prefer those forms of communication, and that's why I hang on to my blog here. Since I type on my laptop, the effort of powering it up and finding a quiet moment to sit down and write acts as a buffer for some of the crazy thoughts that are coming out.

But really, before social media, I didn't weigh in on heavy topics in a public way. And now I'll hit send without giving it a day to mull it over. Discussions move fast, and I wouldn't want to deprive anyone of reading my opinion on it...ha!

Seriously, though...there are times when I cringe seeing that notification that someone has replied to one of my previous arguments. Why did I write that? What was I thinking? What must people think of me now? And then I sit down and write another rebuttal...ugh! I'm sure I'm not the only one who does this...it seems like a new sort of addiction these days.

I don't necessarily regret the things I write. I own those words. But, I have to constantly remind myself that satisfaction in life doesn't come from knowing you're right and are able to enlighten other people. ;) Time and time again I'm reminded that the delivery of a message is important, and sometimes that means just not saying it. And also, I don't have to worry that someone will be lacking wisdom if I don't give them my superior point of view...we have the Holy Spirit to lead and instruct, and we have to trust that other people will get the message at the right time, too.

This evening I'm writing this blog post instead of delving into other corners of the Internet. By the way, I'm not on Twitter...it sounds stressful!

Here are a few of the topics I have commented on in the past without thinking...

December doldrums

Excited to be writing my 28th post of 2019, making this only my second-least productive blogging year. :) That's still more than 2 per month-not bad, right?

So, how has December been treating you? Are you on as much of a roller coaster as we have been?

December started out with a few inches of snow, fluffy and beautiful for the first Advent. It was so nice!

Speaking of Advent, I managed to get out the candles and a minimum of other decorations just in time. I couldn't find the Jesse Tree ornaments, so I had my son coloring a print-out. He did great! Speaking of print-outs, I used to search for Advent (and general Sunday school materials) back 10 years ago, before Pinterest was really used, and before people monetized their blogs. Maybe there was less on the Internet then...so not as much to choose from, but at least it was free! It actually took me a while to find a sheet of really simple Jesse Tree symbols to print out in black and white. I understand that monetizing is pretty widely accepted nowadays, but I also felt like...do you have to charge for EVERYTHING? I was so desperate I even registered for a Catholic newsletter just to get a "free printable" which turned out to not be what I was looking for.

Okay, that was a big tangent. We've been gradually acknowledging Advent, while on our 3rd family cold in as many months. It's not pneumonia, or even strep throat. We're all okay! But on top of very little daylight, it's just so draining!

I was feeling like I was doing okay psychologically, but with this latest round, I went completely stir-crazy. You know it has to be bad if I actually want to leave the house. We did a few rounds of holiday cookies, Christmas movies in pjs, etc. And then...I just couldn't take it anymore! Normally I like having a slow day at home...in fact, I was relishing the prospect of a slower week so that I could catch up on housework and the like. And I'm normally more productive when Andrei is at work. But the past few days, I can't stand him being gone! He doesn't have time to call between classes at all, and I just feel like I need him at home.

I probably had other topics to cover, but it's bedtime. In closing, a few gift ideas!

I have a bunch of gift ideas for the kids, but not grown-ups. Typical.

Disclaimer: I'm the boring gift-giver, but my husband's side of the family will take care of toys...no child will be deprived.

The Wayward Blogger

I made it up to 20 posts for this year! I'm a little sad that it isn't more. When I look at my statistics, I see that 2016, when Sophia was born, was my lowest number of posts. And then last year. If I don't have an emergency before the end of the year, I will hopefully add a few more little snapshots of our life here in St. Petersburg.

I would love to blog at least weekly. I've mentioned before that I like to update often, because I like to see how certain themes play out. I can share my plans and then see how they come to fruition. I can share about my problems and then write about how various prayer requests have been answered.

But, it doesn't always happen. And, blogging is a bit dull nowadays, which is another topic. In the world of Instagram "personalities" and v-loggers (spelling?), a lowly non-monetized blog will not get many readers, but I still enjoy recording my thoughts.

By the way, I have 2 Instagram accounts now. One is for daily life and the other one is for homeschool posts. I'll see if I can put a link to the second one on my blog here somewhere.



Meanwhile, I was looking at the main topics I've blogged about over the last 12 years. Culture and Daily Life are my most frequent labels, and I would love to keep up that trend, as those are the topics I always sought to share about, for people near and far. Should I be proud that Bible Study is up there too, or perhaps dismayed that I haven't used that label for a while?

After that I see Holidays, Family, Inspiration, Photos, and David (my son). However, it would be interesting to do a then vs now comparison, observing how Orphans were at the top 10 years ago, and Motherhood is getting to the top of my current life.

I have another detailed hospital post coming up, as I continue to reflect on my emergency appendectomy from last year.

Thanks for reading! And please introduce yourself if you haven't yet. :)

The school year so far

As usual I have many huge topics in my drafts folder, and I'm not sure when I will be able to sit down and finish those off. But no one wants to read long posts anyway, right? So maybe it's better to write about everyday life.

Home education:

David is 6 years old, kindergarten age for Russia but in U.S. he might be in first grade by now. At any rate, he's not going anywhere at the moment. It's partly the school system and partly his complexities. Let's just say he thrives most in a one-on-one environment (as opposed to the rumored 30-person class sizes at local schools). Although I wish he had more friends his age, I can also think of many wonderful adults in my life whom he would find very entertaining. It's just a matter of being open to the right opportunities. So, we aren't really worried about socializing him. It just might look different.

We thought about signing up for more classes at the cultural center down the street. But David did not seem eager about it. And since he's only 6, he's still within his rights to say no. ;) But we did decide to prioritize speech therapy at this point. There are many times when I've thought other parents were overzealous in terms of helping their children develop, but in this case I guess it's not just naturally going to get better. The exercises with a professional are clearly helping. A Canadian friend was helping David with his English last year, and he's added some sounds that were missing before. Meanwhile, he goes to a Russian lady now for speech therapy, and always gives a positive report when he comes back. I'm trying to picture myself as a child, going to see a lady for tutoring...I think I would have HATED it. I would have much rather stayed at home and read a book. But she obviously knows what she's doing, and he must enjoy the attention. They are working on pronunciation, reading, and pencil skills-all in a 30-minute session!

So...if we end up homeschooling for a few years (beyond preparation work we're doing now), I might just decide to employ some tutors OR find a group to join. I'd always pictured myself just preparing the subjects myself and presenting them. But I'm coming to accept that 1) I'm NOT an expert in all areas and 2) Other adults sometimes get a better response from my child.

On a side note, I've been reading a lot about Charlotte Mason. I like that there are lots of resources online, makes it quite doable from abroad. However, I'm just kind of exploring at the moment.

That's about all I have time for!

P.S. I decided it would be fun to fiddle with my blog theme to reflect the changing seasons. Everyone was saying a lighter background is better, anyway. Well...back about 10 years ago, I used to do all the changes to my blog design from scratch. Search around and find out how to change the html, etc. Just now I decided to switch the header photo, and it took about an hour getting it to the right size! I'm used to taking photos with Instagram squares rather than something long and narrow. And sadly, the quality is lost. That must mean my phone doesn't take very good photos...certainly nothing that could be enlarged to go in a frame. Very sad! I'll have to investigate further. And do something about my poor header. Another day.

March the Lion

I have to admit, I haven't been feeling like blogging lately, but it's not that there's anything wrong. I've been content with less computer time lately (with the exception of occasional bouts of scroll addiction on my phone), which is nice. I think if I decide to start blogging regularly I will try to monitor my computer time closely and make a limited list of sites to visit, or even turn the internet off in order to write.

I wish there were an easier way to post photos and create a little visual interest without getting on my computer. I don't really understand how to do it from my phone. Bloggers, what is the most streamlined way to post photos?

Typing is far easier from a laptop than a phone, of course.

Getting back to the title of this post, here it is March 23 and still snowy here like in many parts of the U.S., I hear. Do you think there will be snow for Easter? There most likely will be here, but that's typical. As I've probably mentioned before, Russian "Palm" Sunday actually makes use of pussy-willows!

I've got a lot of bureaucracy/paperwork type stuff hanging over me, and I feel like I have to put off fun plans until that's done. I've been doing some spring cleaning during the day, but whenever a babysitter's available I end up using that time to do some grown-up errand rather than doing some much-needed shopping or getting lunch with a friend. Hopefully soon!

One thing I was browsing on Pinterest today was (were?) ways to bring nature into the home. Rocks, leaves, plants to touch? Dried flowers? I like the idea of getting out into nature, but I'm not inclined to sit around playing with dead things that used to live outside. Where would I get a dead stump? And do drawings of the samples count too, or is there some sort of healing property in the items themselves? Is it true that wicker baskets are more grounding than plastic ones? And why do we need to be grounded, anyway?

Off to make a wasp for David's class tomorrow.

New normal

Anyone else on an academic schedule? I always look forward to the routine that September brings. Andrei's new job this semester has a pretty heavy workload, but at least we know what to expect each day. I have to plan for things like cooking dinner each day since I don't have anyone to go to the store for me and no childcare while I'm doing kitchen stuff. Sometimes it's easier to get done if I'm not counting on someone's help. Of course my MIL is there to help out sometimes though.

One thing about this season (in life and otherwise) is that I don't really get a big chunk of time in the evening. It's basically eat dinner, put kids to bed, put myself to bed (including minimal kitchen clean-up and before-bed routine). Unfortunately, going to bed earlier isn't really resulting in much more sleep. I remember David started sleeping really well starting from about age 3, but I'm not sure if I'm ready for 2 more years of this....(such a sweet age though, all things considered).

Awake at midnight...

The good news is I have a new undamaged laptop and fairly reliable Internet (no thanks to Windows 10 though), and I set it up in the hallway. So I can steal a moment here and there to check up on things online and even jot down a few thoughts or two.

"Command Central," a non-Pinterest version...

This is the time of year when I have to do a lot of Immigration stuff. In fact, I might be involved with it for the next 6 months. :/ There are so many fun fall projects and friend activities and things I would rather be spending time on, but it's hard to enjoy life with all of the paperwork hanging over me!

Making friends like it's your job

Being a mother has made me more isolated, but it's not what you'd think. Just as difficult situations can make or break a friendship, it's similar with parenting, especially in another culture. In my case I think I became somewhat intimidated by Russian mothers, and stopped reaching out. I mention Russian mothers because I think Americans are more individualistic, and can be more tolerant. But I am careful there, too. Just like with politics, I don't bring up certain parenting topics with American friends unless I suspect we'll be pretty much on the same page.

Anyway, when David was a few months old, I was talking to a friend from church on the phone. She'd had her second baby several months earlier. I confessed to her that the hormones were still getting to me. She said "really?" and I didn't know what else to say. I'd just assumed that there were certain maternal buzzwords you just had to utter ("diaper rash"...."teething"...) and another mother would automatically know what you were talking about. But our disjointed conversation made me feel like I was alone.

Pretty soon I didn't want to talk to anyone else about it, either. I didn't want to reveal how many hours a day we spent nursing, how David slept at night, how little we went outside for our fresh air, when we were starting solid foods, or how rarely we visited the pediatrician. And we dreaded the pediatrician, too. I suppose some people like to be reassured that their child is normal, but I resented having to even answer the questions. We have a pediatrician that attends our church, and I feel very awkward interacting with her, as though she is making an assessment just by looking at us.

What went wrong?

I was thinking about all the years I've been blogging, and noting how I stopped writing as much. That's true of a lot of blogs I used to follow as well. Even though we all say we don't have the time, I know one issue is privacy. And somewhat related to that, I find myself not wanting to be as candid. When I look back at previous entries, I want to feel casual enough to just write about my day, or share something I'm struggling with. But it doesn't come as naturally. And I feel nervous nowadays sharing what's on my heart.

I observe some pretty amusing things each day, but I'm afraid of just having a "mommy" blog. Yuck. And yet...it also bugs me when women bloggers write about and photograph beautiful things, but never share a word about their daily messes or parenting struggles. There has to be a little bit of real life in there. So, I'll have to let the words come, even if they are about the same old day-to-day issues...like the person currently gnawing on my laptop.

And then 10 years went by in a flash

So I was waiting around for an important anniversary, and now it's come and gone...oh well. If you look at the archives in my sidebar, my very first post was on February 5, 2007. Ten years of blogging! And it's not only the blogging that's interesting, so much as the living that was going on during that time period.

I'll be honest: I find anniversaries on other people's blogs pretty boring. So feel free to scroll on by, but in case you're just joining up and want to catch up on my missionary life pre-kids, etc, here is a selection of posts from each year.

(Side-note: have you ever printed and/or published a blog? Or just backed up the posts somehow? Wondering about a good format...)

2007
-How to choose from just one of the 226 posts? I wrote about faith, culture, orphans, teaching English, Bible study, friendship, and probably food, too. A good representation of that phase is probably the post entitled The State of Things.  It's interesting for me to read about what has changed in terms of ministry opportunities here.


2008
-Lots more thoughts about orphans and missions and life in Russia, but a special shout-out needs to go to my trip to Congo for my brother's wedding, definitely a unique experience. In this post I talk about going to the Congolese Embassy to get a visa, and that was just the beginning! Check out the tag "Africa" for notes about my trip.

Temporary

Help! Blogger has done away with all my links that were in the sidebar. I had just updated them and it looks so lonely now. If you're reading this and have a blog, please share the link below since I don't know when I'll be able to restore them.

I saw on a few other people's blogs that theirs were back up. But not so with mine. The comments widget is gone, too. I could go find a screenshot of my sidebar and manually reenter them, but...

"Hello, tech support?"

Enough

If I've ever wanted to quit social media, it is now.

I have about 750 friends on FB, and most of the time I REALLY like all the different posts. There are definitely certain categories of posts that can be emotional triggers, depending on what I'm going through at the moment. But for all the chuckles and uplifting posts and fun photos, I don't mind one or two that are hard to read.

Lately, though...the negativity is winning. It has just seemed so...passive-aggressive lately, or something. I wonder if that's true or if I'm just in a phase where I'm sensitive to things like that.

A lot of times, the standard procedure is to post a quote, image, or link to an article that reflects the person's viewpoint. And it makes sense when what you want to say has already been wrapped up nice and tidy by someone else. But for someone reason this is where that passive-aggressive vibe comes into play for me.

A few months ago, it was Planned Parenthood. There were videos surfacing, with Christians speaking out against killing babies, while PP supporters accused critics of wanting women to suffer without cancer screening, Ob/Gyn care, etc (not to mention birth control and abortion). I had friends on either side who were equally passionate. And yes, many changed their profile pictures to reflect their views, which meant that I thought about the issue whenever their names came up in my newsfeed.

At the same time, many were mourning the plight of refugees, and a lot of posts came up about that.

Oh, and the CUPS. Starbucks cups generated this year's annual Christmas cheer controversy. EVERYONE had to comment on it. I literally thought the FB world had gone mad.

Usually after the first round, the "Christian" response pops up in the form of blog posts that tell us what we should do, sometimes in the form of a letter "to the abused," "to the mother who had an abortion," etc.

To censor or not to censor?

Sometimes I feel like this social networking debate is coming to a head. In all honesty, I don't pay much attention to the news and various privacy laws. But I do sometimes read articles or comments made by people I know.

I know a lot of people are worried about how much FB "owns" and controls, and I admit that it's a little scary if you think about it...essentially one agent practically watching you live your life. I wonder if there is any sort of equivalent in previous generations that we could compare it to.

Sneaking a peek while
on bath duty...

BUT....I still can't quite bring myself to care much. I guess I haven't really figured out the implications. Is there anything scandalous that could be used to blackmail me? No. Inappropriate photos? No. Do I care if people see photos of David? No. Is there controversial political commentary? Not really.

I'm sure you could find out a lot about me and my world views via my FB page. Once my last name got out there, there wasn't much anonymity left, at least for blogging purposes. But I don't know if that's a big deal or not.

I don't have FB on my phone. When another website asks me to log in via FB, I decline. Why would I want FB to watch over my shoulder as I make a hotel reservation or perform some other unrelated task? I would rather not make business transactions via FB, and I would hate for my computer to get hacked. I wouldn't want the personal contents of private messages to be shared-because it's personal. Yeah, I've made plenty of ditzy/Mommy brain/foot-in-mouth comments, but the benefits (from the interaction) are pretty significant, too. Maybe I will quit social networking one of these days, just to rid my life of something excessive. But other than that, I guess I don't really care if I'm being "watched." I do think we should stand up for our rights when necessary, and always read the fine print.

What about you?

Holding Pattern

I keep waiting for The Time to blog. My evening routine just isn't working out anymore. You know that anecdote where the wife says she's going to bed and then proceeds with a huge list of tasks before actually getting under the covers? (though in our family, Andrei has his own list...we're night owls...and David is already pretty good at stalling...)

Though I try to work on certain tasks like laundry throughout the day, there is no escaping evening tasks like dinner dishes, etc. Plus emails that need full attention, not just silly links or quick sentiments dashed off to special people. So 11 pm isn't really the best time to be writing and excitedly going through a whole day's creative ideas...though I WANT to be.

When do you blog, if not at bedtime?

Future...something...

Oh, and...I've been trying to make fitness a priority lately. But I'll write more about that another time.

The good news is that I don't feel upset about not blogging regularly. I think that's a good sign because it shows that I'm finding fulfillment in daily life...not that I only blog when I'm sad, just that I don't need it right now to feel happy. The day when I cry about an unwritten blog post is a sad day. And it does happen, but not right now.

Maybe I need to get a tablet after all so I can type out drafts in the midst of our daily routine. Or maybe I just need to be patient.

So this is me, checking in. And I do hope to see those links in my sidebar change more regularly... you know who you are, and I haven't given up on my blog friends even if I'm more of a lurker right now. :)

Updates

Everyday Russian fare, J/K!
Only on occasion...

So I used up my blogging time this evening trying to type out a complicated recipe for my food blog. I love collecting and reviewing recipes, but I'm not very good when it comes to exact measurements and things like that!

I've restored almost all the content to this blog from my old blog design. Hard to believe it's been less than 2 weeks as I'm already used to the new look!


However, I'm still getting used to having 2 panels instead of 3. I like having everything right there, and I hate deciding what should be at the top! I feel like I'm having separation anxiety with my blog lists way down there at the bottom. I looked at some other blogs and it seems like they're the same way, but it feels like it takes forever to scroll down to those links!

One thing I haven't restored is the touristy/bureaucratic links I used to have. I wonder if I need them? If people have questions they can always email me.

A new thing is that I added a "button" (image/logo type thing) related to Diastasis recti (just realized that I don't have a label for those posts, but they come up if you put it in the search panel). It clicks through to my fitness site that I use, and serves as a colorful reminder for me to work on healing my body each day!

As usual I'm posting at 1 am, time to hit the hay!

Update on the update: I just realized that I'm still missing my FRIENDS link list, including Ruth and Ruth, so I will be sure to get that up again soon!

Duped!

Earlier this year I became persuaded to order one of those e-book "bundles." I don't know what came over me. Though there were certain factors that influenced me, it went against my initial instincts and general skeptic attitude toward such offers.

I'm not going to name the "bundle" because I don't want to defame anyone. Let's just say I've learned my lesson about falling for the advertising campaigns, which makes me sad, because...

...a lot of women in the Christian online community raved about this deal. About how it was the best thing ever and such a great value and too good to miss and full of tons of good reading and useful information. It's hard to explain why that bothers me, but I'll explore that more down below.

Then there are the "savings." The offers often promise "$100 worth of books for $30," for example. Let's say you pay 30 % or as little as 20 % of the list price. The problem is that it's like one of those sushi assortments where only a few of the items included are actually palatable; the rest is low quality or not something you would choose for yourself and spend money on. Or a DVD 10-pack where only 1 or 2 of the films is worth watching. After paying, I realized that at least half of the books in the "bundle" just aren't something that would be useful to me. To be fair, they're pretty American-culture oriented, and it's not their fault that I'm living overseas. But I still feel a little bit duped, and I'll explain some other reasons why.

Notice anything?

It's okay if you didn't. :)

I've just taken the plunge and switched over to a current generation Blogger template. The design probably doesn't look very different yet as I'm focused on transferring all the content over.

Why did I do it? I was using an old, highly customized template. I liked my template. I'd gone in and tweaked the code before the template had all of those options in the menu. But the code was such a jumble that I couldn't mess with it anymore. And the latest Blogger functions wouldn't work, which was frustrating. I could no longer find workarounds, but I couldn't use the ready-made versions either.

The funny thing is that I had created a 3-column blog before that was an option in Blogger. Now that they do offer it, I've gone back to 2 columns. :)

How I made the switch: I set up a dummy blog so I could work on the design before losing the old one. I also started to recreate everything in the sidebars, but got impatient and just copied/pasted some of it into Word to wait until I feel like entering the link lists item by item (it doesn't save correctly otherwise, which is annoying). Then I just cut and pasted the new template into my old blog. No back-ups or anything.

I did lose a few elements...

-my "Key Posts" list. Does anyone remember what should be on there? I'm trying to reconstruct it as best I can, but I know I'm missing something.
-my label cloud. I wish I had copied that code! The Blogger one isn't what I wanted and it's hard to find a hack with the code I need.
-how the blog looked in detail. I could have taken a screenshot or something. It's okay, though. My new blog is going to look a little different, I just liked the old one, too.

Anything else I might have forgotten to transfer?

Bilingual tidbits and names for people

In an effort to become a part of the bigger bilingual world as a whole, I signed up to be on a mailing list for a blogging "carnival" where there is an assigned topic and everyone sends their submissions in to be on the master list.

Well, I sat down to tackle the May topic, only to find out that the deadline was May 18th. D'OH! Oh well, the topic was to do with technology, which is a little bit of a stretch for us at this point (aside from David screaming CARS at the top of his lungs daily until we put on an animated car video for him to watch).

Maybe next time the topic will be more relevant.

As I think I mentioned before, there are some links to bilingual blogs in my sidebar, and they in turn have links to more blogs. There is a lot of good content in there; book reviews, etc.


Here's one topic we've been discussing at home lately:

What do you teach your child to call strangers on the street? Walking by, in a store, or even casual acquaintances?

Whenever a Russian child points at a person walking by, his accompanying adult gives that person a title: "Dyadya/Tyotya (Uncle/Auntie) is most often used to differentiate men and women. If the person is obviously elderly, then maybe a Babushka/Dedushka (Grandmother/Grandfather) will do. And of course little babies are called little babies...well, you get the idea. Makes sense, right? Then with friends and acquaintances the child learns the person's name: Tyotya Olya, for example.

People keep asking me the English/American counterpart, and...I've got nothing! Honestly, I feel awkward shouting out Man/Woman/Girl/Boy whenever David points at someone. I'm not even sure I'm comfortable having him point at people. But at the same time it's such a natural process for the child to point and the parent to teach vocabulary. I don't know, I must just not have enough parenting experience. Either that or I've been abroad for too long. ;)

Bye bye, blog posts

Sometimes I wish I typed on a typewriter, so I could pick up those failed compositions and physically tear them up before tossing into the trashcan recycle bin.

Writing is something I need to do to feel calm. But it takes time. I remember lots of all-nighters, beginning in high school. I would write and write and then edit until it was perfect. Soooo satisfying! And I love doing it on my blog, too. Even informal writing can be tweaked and tweaked until it's exactly what you were going for.

But it's midnight...sigh. I hate when I can't finish the posts. I do try to get all the main thoughts down as quickly as I can, so I can finish it later. But I can't help but feel that my heart is more likely to be engaged in that initial attempt. When I finish it later, it's already a different post...my first thoughts are lost. And sometimes I feel a real sort of grief, because I've lost my first reactions to something I witnessed that day; a funny story; a memory; an epiphany. It's gone and it hurts. Andrei told me that if it's something God really wanted me to hold onto, that He would remind me.

As far as organization, I like some of Callie's strategies that she describes here, and those work for me too, sometimes. But other times I am going through those archives of ideas I've saved for later, and they just don't resonate the way I thought they would. I think partly I feel more vulnerable these days about sharing my personal thoughts.

Meanwhile, I have to pack for the weekend! I already made an initial clothing pile, but it's suddenly winter again...time to add a few more layers back to the wardrobe! Not sure the laundry is even going to be dry in time...oops!

Have a nice weekend, everybody!

Others

Quiet, blessed quiet. The in-laws were here today and I now have a fridge full of food and a clean kitchen. At this point both David and Andrei are sleeping and I am typing, typing, typing.

After posting last time, I then read an inspiring, thoughtful post (with photos!) on doing art with children...written by my sister, Emily. :)

The interesting thing is that I don't begrudge my sister the amazing projects she does with her son. I wonder why? I guess it's because I know and love her. Otherwise I might be a little jealous. ;) It's hard to be jealous of someone's accomplishments when you are close to them and admire them.

I think the reason that the "Mommy Wars" are especially fierce over the Internet is because of that level of anonymity that is a two-edged sword. I like having a little anonymity online for various reasons...for example, discussing my toddler's eating habits without feeling like I'm going to come under scrutiny the next time I see that person. And the Internet is good for taking polls and getting a wider demographic.

But the problem with not knowing the people in real life is that you risk growing the kind of resentment I mentioned last time, because of the gaps in your knowledge. Even if all the glittering photos on a blog are not a lie, I still have no reason to be jealous of that person, for perfectionism isn't fun. My husband suggested that to me as I was commenting on another mom's accomplishments. He asked if I knew how much pressure she put on herself. Do I really want to live under that burden, especially if it is not what my husband desires for our home?

Unfortunately, ignorance (as in a lack of information) can exist between friends, too. There was one fellow mom at church I was feeling particularly negative towards, and then she wrote and told me she was having a hard time. I felt repentant and wondered why I hadn't even really asked her how she was doing prior to that. I don't know why, but sometimes there is this huge communication gap between mothers who were previously good friends, maybe because our social skills have become inept. Maybe because our priorities have changed and we're too busy being "Mother Bear."

As I talked about in the "Church" series, it really does take consistency and vulnerability for friends to get to a place where they can respond appropriately to each other's needs. This is especially true of people you don't get along with well. I believe that a lot of times the cure for making peace with someone you don't like very much is to spend more time with them and really observe why they act the way they do.

Unfortunately in a big city it's not possible to see each other often, so there's no easy answer, but I think these reflections have helped me realize where some of the negativity is coming from. I don't ever want to spread negativity. I want to spread salt and light-hopefully to friends and loves ones, but also to anyone else that I might cross paths with.

Not to Be

So my computer broke! Yep, the fancy-schmancy one I just bought this summer.

No, I didn't get upset! It happened at the end of a difficult day/week, in the midst of watching Sesame Street on DVD, reading Christmas board books, playing with the electronic keyboard, coloring on the floor boards, and making a dent (so to speak) in the pile of dishes. Did I really care that I wouldn't be a slave to my computer that evening? Not really.

I do still have my old one! It's sluggish and needs to be reformatted. But it works and can access the Internet! I'd been having trouble installing my printer, saving documents, and using the touchpad on the new one. First World problems? Perhaps.

Anyway, I just wanted to write that I don't know if I'll be getting around to those posts. You know, the ones about how I haven't finished my Advent calendar yet and it's halfway over. Part of me wants to "rise" to the challenge of having a broken computer and try to publish posts every day anyway. Import my recent photos onto this computer, and such. But another way to take the higher road would be to take a little computer break and focus on some other things.

I don't know how this week will go. Sometimes when things go wrong I take the opportunity to see how my priorities and time management are doing. And there is definitely room for revising.

I hope everyone is having a great Advent season!