And so it begins (Lent and Lethargy)

A week or two ago I felt like I was coming down with something. It was a weird combination of symptoms: fatigue, sore throat, but also a bit of a GI bug.

It wasn't really progressing, but it was the middle of the week and I figured I had picked up something at church on Sunday. I just couldn't get my energy back, though! And suddenly I recognized the feeling. In the spring every year I usually have a period where I'm totally dragging all the time. Not the same as winter malaise, a special springtime variation where the sun is out, everything is good, and yet I just want to sleep all the time. I've been attempting late afternoon couch time, but that also happens to be Sophia's neediest time, go figure...maybe it makes her nervous when I lie down.

I have a few old posts on "avitaminosis"...I just checked them and they were written in May, BUT with the mild winter, maybe things are just happening a bit out of order this year?

To get some energy back, I determined to get more sleep. Sometimes I think it's ridiculous that I don't get enough sleep, since I don't get up early for work, but...it's always something.

Of course as soon as I decided I was going to sleep more, there were obstacles...kids needing a cuddle, or the bedroom being too hot because it was warmer outside and the heat was still going full-blast. Etc. And then finally one night Andrei took over with Sophia, and when David got up early he quietly went about his business...a miracle! And I got some sleep. And then a few more nights after that I got probably 7 hours.

Bureaucracy Update: Tuberculosis Tangent

Last month I had my meltdown over the kids' medicals. Maybe it's good that I didn't know another month would go by without getting them done!

We were sick until early January, then everything in the country was closed until January 9th. As soon as offices opened back up, we were at the clinic with the kids.

We went to the kids' section of a fancy private clinic down the street (not the same one that failed to diagnose my appendicitis in a timely fashion). We consulted with a pediatrician first ($$$) per the rules, then got the kids their Mantoux skin test which rules out tuberculosis. That's what is required by immigration authorities, and it has to be entered into a vaccine booklet, which we didn't have yet.

Speaking of tuberculosis, one of Andrei's students got sick with TB this year, and he (Andrei) had to go to the infectious diseases hospital and get all the tests done to prove he wasn't infected! The student likely had had a latent form anyway, though.

Since we got the skin probe, we were thinking about going ahead and getting the kids a TB vaccine (BCG). It's given at birth or shortly thereafter in Russia and some other countries. Our kids were born in the U.S. and we hadn't gotten around to getting them one. The BCG is not given to adults because 1) it hasn't been shown to be effective beyond a certain age and 2) it doesn't prevent the form of TB that affects the lungs. (some new research is currently coming out, though!)

There are some pros and cons to getting the BCG vaccine...

Trying to wake up

Happy Solstice! Although I have been focused on celebrating Advent and the Birth of Christ, I breathe a sigh of relief when we are on the other side and the days are starting to get longer again. We did a little Hanukkah dinner, too, meditating on the wonder of the Light that stayed.

(I came in to write about being tired....and discovered my computer was drained of energy, how ironic! Trying not to be mad at The Person who goes around plugging and unplugging things.)

(The Internet is being slow, too...but at least I can write!)

A few years ago, I read a book about Winter Blues or Seasonal Affective Disorder. Then last winter (earlier this year, apparently) I wrote a post here about my findings.  https://lizinstpete.blogspot.com/2019/02/sleep-and-sad-can-you-ignore-weather.html

Side note: Winter Blues (Norman E. Rosenthal) is worth reading for the case studies alone. Many of us will recognize ourselves in those mentioned...

"The physical difficulties start first: eating more, sleeping more, and the slowing down of brain functioning. Initially, I'm not sad. I can still sit down and laugh with friends and enjoy my favorite TV shows. As it becomes obvious that I'm less able to function at work or with friends, mental depression starts taking over. I have trouble writing Christmas cards, which adds to my depression, since I am unable to communicate with people I really care about..." (Case study of Peggy, page 29 Kindle Version)

"In his work as a sales representative, he found his productivity declined markedly in the winter months. He would sleep late, cancel appointments, and spend much of the day at home, depressed. When he was able to get to work, he came home exhausted and would collapse on the couch for the rest of the evening." (Neal, case study and president of the SunBox Company, page 26 Kindle Version)

"More bothersome to Herb than his social isolation was his decreased creativity during his depressed periods. He would procrastinate at work because "everything seemed like a mountain" to him, and his productivity decreased markedly. It was only by grim perseverance that he was able to write up his research from the previous spring and summer. His sleep was disrupted, and his characteristic enthusiasm for life evaporated." (Case study of Herb, page 12 Kindle Version)

..and there are more, but you get the idea. Physical lack of energy leading to lack of productivity leading to depression leading to even less motivation and productivity. In these cases, directly corresponding to the decreased daylight hours.

Back to my observations: Turns out my findings this year are similar to last year's even though I didn't remember my observations from last winter until I went back and read about it.

Roommates, Part 2

(Continued from previous post)

Then there were 4. Until the end of my stay, the 5th bed would be empty.

Around this time, they were easing up on my meds and I was out of the woods but uncomfortable. The two younger ladies were getting discharged and it was down to me and Olga again.

(Although I had found the younger surgery patient dramatic, I later ran into her in the hallway when I went in for a dressing change. She was readmitted a week or so after going home, though assigned to a different room. I felt badly for judging her. They never did find a specific cause of her stomach pain, though...maybe she was there just as a precaution in case there was a complication with her incisions.)

I was now getting out of bed and going to the bathroom by myself. I made myself walk a little, because I was supposed to, but it was hard.

Then we got a new roommate.


Connections Lady

Our new roommate was rather heavyset. This was relevant to her situation, but in order to avoid offense, I will call her "Connections Lady" due to her apparent acquaintance with the hospital staff. She checked in at night, but the next morning everyone was hustling and bustling to make her comfortable. She needed a cyst removed, or something to that effect. She wasn't very interested in getting to know us, so we didn't really bond until later.

When an opportunity came up to have the surgery, our roommate got undressed as was the custom, and climbed onto the waiting gurney. Within a few minutes though, she was BACK! It turned out that all the operating theaters were full, or something to that effect. The nurses were a bit red-faced. The second attempt came later, and this time the surgery went through. We didn't see that roommate again during my hospital stay, as she required extra care following surgery.

(I later ran into her also when I came back to get dressing changes. She was on the regular ward now, back in our same room, making recovery progress.)

So now TWO out of 5 beds would remain empty.



Lyudmila

As the daytime nurse (the competent one) came through adjusting IVs one day, she remarked how depressing our room had gotten..."it used to be so COZY." Yes, perhaps there was a time when we were all friendly and no one demanded special care. We made it easy on the nurses, didn't we?

With Lyudmila's arrival, we were all in for a challenge.

Olga and I were alone again, and as I headed down the hallway to get food, a gurney passed me in the hallway, an aged gray head peeking out. Was "our babushka" back? My heart sank as I imagined our elderly roommate coming back from surgery in frail condition.

But no, it was a different babushka. I walked in the room to find our new roommate perched on the side of the bed, in a stupor. I think I introduced myself, but she was VERY out of it.

She sat on the side of the bed nodding off to sleep and then waking up with a start, over and over again. Her clothes looked like she hadn't taken them off in months. She mumbled something about leaving her bag in the ambulance, which meant she didn't have a phone or any other personal items.

I tried to clarify a few things, but Olga gave me a look as if to say Lyudmila might have a touch of dementia.

The nodding off continued.

Night fell.

The night nurse came in to do final rounds, and left.

Lyudmila was still perched on the edge of her bed.

We were going to be alone for the night. Olga, who was in too much pain to walk, me after my surgery, and a stranger who possibly had dementia.

I had switched my pillow to the other side of the bed, to lie on my other side. Now my head was closer to the door. Closer to Lyudmila.

I was terrified that she would start walking around and doing something in the middle of the night. What if I woke up and she was standing over me?

Lyudmila's bedside lamp was still on, it was about 2 a.m., and Olga and I were wide awake.

Finally it happened-Lyudmila got up and staggered toward us, eyes as though unseeing, sputtering something. "GO TO BED!" Olga yelled. "What is it? What time is it?" We finally convinced Lyudmila that she should go back to her bed.

And she did. And I might have slept a little.


To be continued...

Roommates, Part 1

A year ago, I was sick with appendicitis, which was hard to diagnose and difficult to recover from! You can look through my "appendicitis" posts and read more about it.

There are a few more things I was going to share about my hospital stay, and one of those topics is my Russian hospital roommates. I had trouble finding the time to write this post because I had so many different roommates during my 2-week stay, so it will take some time to describe them all! I ended up having to split it into two posts.


Getting Admitted

As soon as I was admitted to the ward, I got that "summer camp" feeling. Let me explain: in my teen and young adult years I spent each summer in a Russian summer camp with American mission teams. And Russian hospital wards give me that same kind of feeling: the worn but crisply ironed bedding on the creaky mattress, the rules and daily schedule, the cafeteria food, and the communal environment!

I already explained a little bit about my 3 roommates when I first arrived on that Friday evening. One had been released "for the weekend," one was near to being released, and the other, Olga, had been sent there with a herniated disc because her ward did not have room.

Now, the room had 5 beds and one was empty. A 5th roommate arrived in the middle of that first night, sometime after I stopped wondering if surgery was imminent and had managed to fall asleep.

That was Friday. On Sunday was my operation.

And on Monday, my first day after surgery, 3 of the ladies were discharged, leaving me and Olga, who was in the bed next to me. When a nurse came in to do a count, we begged her to send us some ambulatory roommates. That way we would at least be able to eat. The cafeteria lady had come to check on us a few times, but it wasn't her job to remember who needed food delivered. We had to fend for ourselves.



The Young Ladies

In the middle of the night, we got our wish: 3 new young women. Younger than I was, anyway! The two on the other side of the room bonded and spent a lot of the next few days chatting. They were friendly, but didn't realize the shape I was in and didn't offer to do a lot, so I usually had Andrei get the food when he was there. When he wasn't, Olga would help me to the bathroom and wash my dishes out for me.

More hospital memoirs

Life definitely got easier when I got the Most Unpleasant Procedure over with. The next day I got my drainage tube out, and THAT was a good day. No longer did I have it poking me all the time.

Now that I didn't have to think about all the extra appendages, I started to obsess about the wound more. As I didn't have stitching, did that mean there was just a big hole in my side? I didn't like to think about it.

That first weekend, my regular doctor had a day off and had suggested I get a dressing change with the doctor on duty. The Saturday surgeon poked his head in the room, saw that I was getting my IV meds, and told me to come find him for the dressing change. Ummm...okay? Come to find out, the doctors' lounge was wayyyy down a long corridor and I hadn't walked that far yet. On the way there I passed the kitchen, which meant I could technically fetch my own meals...more on that later. But it was so painful shuffling along and then I felt awkward entering the lounge in my pathetic state when there were professional people dressed in normal clothes, such as pants.

Speaking of clothes, Lesson #1 in socialist medicine: don't expect extras. And apparently hospital gowns are an extra. Remember how I had to strip naked before my operation? Well, I didn't have anything to wear afterwards either. I must have had underwear on, but I couldn't do anything like fasten a bra with the IV port in...so, sorry for the non-glamorous visual, but I was basically wearing underwear, a tank top, and a bathrobe from home that I couldn't close all the way when I had the drainage bag. Eventually Andrei did bring me some long underwear with an elastic waist. But, yeah..fashion was a challenge.

It was kind of an odd experience seeing other patients shuffling around in their clothes from home. You'd think it would feel homey, but it didn't. It felt awkwardly intimate. I didn't want to see everyone else's fuzzy bathrobe and slippers and dishes that they washed out themselves. It felt like summer (prison?) camp in some kind of twisted universe. Also, I really didn't need to see everyone else's drainage bags. But I'm glad my roommates (and husband) took care of me even though it was messy at times and they saw things they probably didn't want to.

So, the surgeon caught up with me at the Bandaging Room, took off the old bandage, did a quick swab, and slapped a new bandage on. Which had become unstuck by the time I got back to my room. Sigh. Did it really matter? Yes, it did...I had an open wound, after all. The doctor was gone, of course. I asked the bandaging nurse for a new one, and she said they "didn't have any more." Now, on Friday, after my drainage tube came out, she had carefully cut a bandage down to size and attached it with finesse. And now they had run out? It was time for Lesson #2: Buy your own supplies. When a friend was visiting that afternoon, she went down to the pharmacy for me and bought bandages...the same kind that had been used the day before. My roommate hobbled over and put it on for me.

From then on, I had Andrei buy bandages every few days so I always had a supply. Lest you think I was being taken advantage of, I saw plenty of other patients waiting their turn, holding their own supply of bandages. Sometimes the pharmacy downstairs even ran out and Andrei had to go elsewhere.

It doesn't seem like bandages are a large expense, but when the supplies end, patients buy their own. That's how it goes. And for many procedures, such as childbirth, it's expected that you will bring your own consumable items.

Sleep and SAD-can YOU ignore the weather?

Last year I was all about fighting the winter slump. I read at least one book on SAD, which primarily focused on light therapy. I schemed about changing the light fixtures in our apartment, and bought various "happy" lamps.

The happy light I bought (Phillips?) turned out to be the wrong voltage and my father in law fixed it up for Russian use, but it's the kind of thing where you want to have it sitting on a table near you, and I have 2 very curious/destructive kids. So I haven't wanted to risk having it out on a table, and there it sits in the closet! :(

I also got 2 "sunrise" alarm clocks. They're off-brand because I wasn't sure if I would like it (and again, things get broken quickly around here). I've tried them a few times and even though they claim to brighten gradually, I'm pretty much awake with the first hint of light, and then it feels like I'm at the dentist's or something with a bright light in my face. So, it doesn't feel the same as sunshine. A few times I tried just shining the light in my face when I first woke up to send the message to my body that IT'S DAYTIME NOW despite the dark outside. I didn't find it to be effective, though.

So those were my experiments from last year.



Fall 2018 

This year my online fitness group did a walking challenge again during the month of November-get outside every day. I did this faithfully for the first two weeks or so. It's supposed to a) help you get more daylight to keep your body in rhythm and b) give you lots of fresh air/positive exercise vibes.

Well, November is definitely the month when it all starts-the grey, dreary weather and desire to hibernate. The walks didn't feel like they helped at ALL.

On my way to the clinic not knowing I had appendicitis.

Weekdays on the surgical ward

How I survived abdominal surgery for a ruptured appendix in St. Petersburg, Russia.

Part 1 is here.
Part 2 is here.

Continued from Part 3...

I survived the night! The nausea was constant. I expected that from the anesthesia, but the medications must have contributed, too. What medications, you may ask? Actually, they never told us. The doctor would tell the nurse and at certain times of day, the IV pole would be standing there with our last name written on up to 4 bottles of fluid.

I tried telling myself that I could make it through since I had survived two rounds of morning sickness. I remember vividly the morning sickness with Sophia: 7 weeks along, and I knew it would be a good 3-4 months of it. Each day was agonizing and dragged on. This case felt just as long. And my nose continued to be sensitive.

Plus, now I had this gaping wound in my side, with a drainage tube poking me! It was like...morning sickness plus C-section recovery all in one?

The day after my surgery was Monday, and I met the doctor whom I would end up seeing almost every day for a month. He made the rounds after breakfast each morning, accompanied by a young intern. That first day, I still didn't eat breakfast because the surgeon hadn't looked at me yet. And then he ended up keeping me on a liquid diet. Day 4 of no solid food.

Andrei brought me juice and even homemade broth. It gave me heartburn and I ended up gagging and vomiting. The nurse came in and yelled and said that anyone who'd had surgery shouldn't be consuming anything acidic like juice.

I needed something bland or my stomach was never going to settle. I begged the doctor to let me eat something and he gave permission for me to eat porridge. So Andrei brought me some very watered-down porridge, and it stayed down. He also smuggled me some crackers.

Unfortunately it wasn't desirable to keep snacks in the room due to cockroaches. And I wouldn't be able to get myself to the hall refrigerator and bend down to get things out. So Andrei just brought me little snacks during the day and then took the rest home.



Baby steps and Boot camp

The first week was spent mostly fighting the constant nausea, which distracted me from the bigger issue: The Wound.

In the theater

"But Mommy, an operation is better than dying," my 6 yr old likes to say. We have an open dialogue about death and the afterlife. However, there are a few topics I've avoided so far, such as childhood cancer. :( We've talked about how God knows the number of our days, and David prays for people not to die "before it's time." But I have a feeling that in his mind, the time to "go" is at least after you have grandchildren. And given all his phobias, I've been hesitant to bring up the topic of all the accidents that could happen (except in the case of his baby sister possibly choking).

A few minutes after I signed the consent form, a gurney came squeaking down the hallway and careened its way into our room, forcing the door open. I was told to take everything off and climb on.

While I was getting undressed, the orderly took the blanket from my bed and used it to line the gurney. I had to leave my glasses behind and everything. Maybe it was better to have my senses dulled a little. Besides, wearing contacts while being put under would irritate my eyes.

I got onto the gurney with the blanket folded over me, and they wheeled me out of the room as my roommates called goodbye. The orderlies yelled to each other about where I was going. We bumped down the hallway and around the corner and into an elevator, to go down a few floors to the operating room.

In the operating room, they brought the gurney up next to the operating table and I scooted myself over. They must have covered me with something for the preparation, but I don't remember. A few female medical personnel were asking me some questions. I didn't know if they were trying to determine my mental state or not...I remember something about my kids being bilingual. I had to sign a consent form and I couldn't see anything with my glasses off.

Since I had an IV port in already, that was where they could administer drugs. They did a little anesthesia test and asked if I was getting dizzy. "Not yet...oh yeah, there it goes." Then they put the mask away again. I think I was awake for a few minutes longer, but I don't remember much after that.

Where the month went

No posts on my blog for November. But there's a simple explanation for that!

Let's start with a month ago where I'm sitting in the ambulance. After 2 WEEKS of abdominal pain, an ultrasound has finally revealed a ruptured appendix. I wonder at what point it ruptured and whether it could have been detected sooner...such as 5 days earlier when I was at the doctor and they said "it's probably not your appendix, but I'd have to see the lab work..."

Once they saw the appendicitis on the ultrasound, the medics at the private clinic were quick in making a few phone calls and arranging transport to the hospital. At this point I was actually somewhat calm and relieved that the source of pain had finally been identified. I was hoping for an easy-peasy laparoscopic procedure and then I'd be done with my appendix for life! In fact, almost everyone I talked to seemed quite cheerful about it. While waiting for the ambulance, I saw the gynecologist whom I had seen earlier in the week in an attempt to rule out other problems. "I have appendicitis!" I announced, and she smiled and said "See? There you go!"

I had thought I was organized in grabbing my passport on the way to the doctor's office. However, when the paramedic asked to see my papers, I opened up the passport to find David's face smiling up at me. I'd grabbed the kids' passports instead of my own documents! They took me anyway, though.

Sitting in the back of the ambulance was a bit annoying because there were no windows. I could see out the front windows a bit and recognize landmarks at times. The paramedic had mentioned the address of the hospital, and I was pretty sure of the name: "St. Elizabeth's"! When the surgeon at the private clinic was making the phone call, I heard him saying that I was American...BUT that I spoke Russian. I like to think that helped in the long run. I wasn't limited by language and I think they selected a hospital with a good surgical unit-if nothing else, to make up for their failure to diagnose in a timely fashion.

Mid-month goal status-January

So how is everyone doing with their New Year's resolutions? I've seen a lot of interesting recipes being posted on Instagram. I conveniently scheduled my diet goals for after Valentine's Day, lol.

So, I mentioned before that I'm doing a "sleep challenge" for January. Meaning, that is my focus area and I'm giving myself permission not to stress about other areas of life for now.

I'm sooo tired.

First of all, small victories:

-During the first week of January, we conquered the New Year's Eve jet-lag, going from waking at noon to waking more like 10 o' clock. And we got David back to his pre-holiday bedtime. Progress!
-I managed to discipline myself to set my alarm to wake up earlier even when it seemed like it was going to be a bad night. (I wouldn't do this if I had a newborn or an illness but sometimes the timing is right.)
-I was able to avoid certain late-night vices, some of the time.
-I started taking my vitamins again regularly which was a secondary goal for this month.
-I started easing back into exercise which will hopefully lead to better sleep as well.


Continuing challenges:

-Sophia's continuing sleep regression makes it virtually impossible to go to bed earlier.
-Nobody is getting more sleep or feeling more rested.


Other notes:

A tale of two fathers

Andrei and I both grew up with great dads! There's a reason I'm focusing on them in this post, but of course the moms are pretty awesome, too.

Back when Andrei and I were "just friends" and left comments on each other's blogs...back when we were in a small group together and prayed for each other's prayer needs...it was almost 10 years ago, and at that time, each of our fathers got diagnosed with prostate cancer.

So there we were, with our fathers going through identical health crises!

But we got through that time. A few years later we got married, and then had kids, and have been going back and forth between the grandparents and making lots of memories.

However, the grandfathers aren't able to visit each other's countries due to their health restrictions. And lately, they've been in sync again with some more serious complications. Over the past few weeks we've been imagining scenarios where we lose Andrei's dad or mine. We could have lost Vladimir when he had a heart attack recently, and we could lose my dad if he doesn't improve soon.

Just yesterday Vladimir was transferred to a "sanatorium" (look up Russian sanatoriums if you're interested!), and tomorrow my dad will be transferred home to receive visiting nurse care.

So it's been a roller-coaster, to say the least! And our family was hit with an INTENSE cold virus a week ago so we haven't been able to offer much support.

Anyway, I don't have anything very profound to say and don't know how to edit this to make it less blunt. Just a little update and of course some things to pray about.

Working on my health/What if....???

A year ago I was struggling with some postpartum health issues, and here's a little update. Okay, it got a bit longer than intended...


It's probably no secret that I'm not really into "fitness." I like certain recreational sports, or movement as a way of achieving a goal, but really can't get very hardcore or competitive about it. I have too many other hobbies that I'm trying to make time for, and I don't get a rush from pushing my body to its physical limit.

Of course, I never needed fitness to feel good about my body and never felt like I needed to lose weight or tone up...

2 babies later, I'm picking up the pieces. It turns out fitness is about being healthy so you can be strong for everyday movement, not just beating a personal time. And this summer, I did some PT.

Diagrams to follow...

I haven't been able to locate a women's health PT in Russia. There is massage therapy in some form, but given that it's hard to find a good pelvic health practitioner in the U.S., it's even harder in Russia. And I didn't find that any women's health specialists were willing to refer to PT or even suggest it as a way to get better. The medicine in Russia is more conventional and that doesn't work well for women's health in general, I've found. I'm not picking on Russia on purpose...most of the forums I've visited are frequented by UK women suffering damage after forceps births, etc. Some of them wish they had just been given a C-section to escape the problems they ended up with. Really, those are the only options? Seems to be a global issue. Although, I know that in France, for example, all women are referred to PT after giving birth. It might not be cutting edge PT, but it's better than nothing. Basically, this field is developing, if slowly...

As for my PT results:

Processing

I don't know if there is any way to kind of "speed up" the processing that you go through after traumatic (major or minor) events. If we could control it, I suppose we would choose to fall apart only when convenient. I know as a parent especially, I try to "hold it together" until another adult comes and I can go cry. But again, it isn't that easy to control.

So this month there have been a lot of various stressful events-terrorist attacks, church conflict, holiday tension....and I felt totally calm. Well, on the day of the bombing, I wanted to cry, but didn't want the kids to get upset...yet by evening, the feelings were gone.

Then with church stuff, I honestly felt at peace. But when I was physically at the church meeting, it all started coming back...just like I had to go through certain emotions when entering the metro after the terrorist attack. I had to be in the sanctuary and see the empty seats to really feel the loss.

We've got colds in our house now...we had some church friends over for fellowship last Friday, and Sophia started projectile vomiting! Heh, sorry for the visual.

I was thinking back to last year when there was also church stuff going on, and people prayed for our family, and then David broke his collarbone! Which is not to say that it was a direct correlation. BUT for Andrei to be able to stay focused in his ministry, he really needs his family life to be peaceful. Everyone being sick and cranky probably doesn't help, but there is also a lot of cooperation going on, and it could be a lot worse. Like I said, there is a lot going on...but I'd better hit publish.

Confession

I have a bit of an addiction to information. I don't think this applies to all areas of life, though. I'm not one to constantly track a package or flight. There are times when I can recognize that the outcome is in God's hands and I've done all I can.

But...

The other times. I love knowing random bits of information. Before Internet, I liked playing Trivial Pursuit. Somehow I knew facts, even sports-related. Is that any different from wondering "now what was that actor's name?" and immediately looking up the Wikipedia entry?

Where do you draw the line? I think for me, the medical stuff is probably the worst. Are you in that category of person, always self-diagnosing yourself and convinced you're going to die? I have turned into one of those.

New week, New Year

This evening's post is brought to you by a pacifier-soothed baby (gave it to her and she put herself to sleep)! I'm not sure how I feel about that. Are we going to be running around at night looking for it when she can't sleep without it? But could it be any worse than getting up with David several times a night for the first three years? Is it harder to wean from rocking or using a pacifier? At any rate, I'm enjoying the peace and quiet for now. And will have to do a sleep post at some point.

Andrei started a full week of classes, with additional hours. So of course today he also came down with the family cold. Hopefully it will be mild!

The Jewish New Year is being celebrated right now. My church just started a new cycle of The Bible in a Year. I'm not sure how that ended up renewing in October, but I thought it was interesting that it coincided with Rosh Hashanah. I wanted to bake Challah and have our Bible study, but as usual we are sick and whatnot. Someday!

And the last new cycle beginning is related to my online fitness community having an anniversary sale. My membership had run out and I was trying to decide when to renew. I'm being careful about exercise, but right now they're my best resource anyway in terms of being gentle on the post-partum body. I just wish I could have someone like that in person as my trainer! But anyway, I saw the sale and decided that now is a great time to renew that journey. If you are at all looking for some home fitness instruction (especially focusing on core strength and much more), check out the 1 day sale at Fit2B studio.

Oh yeah, and it's my cousin's first wedding anniversary. David and I were there a year ago, dancing the night away. How life has changed in just one year!

Health crisis

(melodrama alert) It's been a rough few weeks! The day before we left for Russia, I had a very good doctor's report. I was extremely encouraged since it had taken so much longer to heal up after David was born.

Within a week after we arrived, I started having some troubling symptoms. I then self-diagnosed and began to read all about it, but decided I'd better take a break from that and focus on other things for awhile. I didn't want to see a doctor because I wanted to kind of put it out of my mind.

We were doing pretty well. Sophia was sleeping well, I felt like I was managing somewhat with two kids, and we were even able to do some fun things like baking projects.

Then the symptoms worsened, and anxiety and depression quickly spiraled out of control. I imagined myself as a life-long invalid. I'd never be able to lift groceries, or my kids for that matter.

I've already mentioned my prayer journal. I also started listening to an audio Bible throughout the day, since it's hard to find time for reading. I told myself that we'd survived much worse, like everything we experienced when David was a baby. I told myself it was just hormones. I told myself that it wasn't a cancer diagnosis. But the logic and "positive thinking" weren't working.

Crying fits gave way to hyperventilating, nausea, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, and extreme weakness. I was shaky all the time and wondered if I could be anemic. I'd never had an anxiety attack this bad. I think part of it was that I couldn't tell what was just butterflies in my stomach (probably about 90% of it)  and what was my organs falling out. Eventually I realized it was just anxiety, but couldn't talk myself out of it.

I gave in and let Andrei make a doctor's appointment for me.

The Epidemic

My MIL brought pizza tonight and David went to bed right on time, so here I am blogging (instead of doing my exercises), and it's not even midnight!

I wanted to give a description of a "public health scare" that we've been dealing with over here...not the Zika virus, though!


2009

I went back to read my blog posts about the last time Swine Flu (H1N1) was here in Russia. I had a pretty light-hearted attitude at that time, as you can read here. Of course, that wasn't due to not taking the flu seriously as much as feeling skeptical towards the media and the way that people act sometimes when they don't even have all the information.

However, that was before I had a husband (who gets the flu sometimes), elderly in-laws, a preschool-aged child, and another one on the way. We do a lot of quarantining.



2016

In mid-January, I begged Andrei to take David to church with him, as it was difficult for me to be alone with him (particularly in the evening) while suffering from morning sickness. However, Andrei said it would be better for David to stay at home too as there was "currently a flu epidemic." I will admit that these words didn't really click with me, as it seems there is always "something going around."

Then shortly after, Andrei's mother came down the flu right after visiting us. And a friend texted me about the epidemic, and another friend posted a photo on Instagram wearing a sanitary mask, and then Andrei called at the very moment I was reading the news. We had discovered right around the same time that not only the flu, but the Swine Flu was back in Russia. Though I didn't see many news headlines, St. Petersburg was indeed mentioned as having recorded several deaths already.

Sleep Challenge: Week 1

The other day I stumbled upon an article offering X number of ideas for achieving Y. You know, ones that often turn out to be click-bait. In this case it promised tips for improving sleep quality: http://www.mommypotamus.com/sleep-tips/

I was pleasantly surprised to find some good ideas in there, as opposed to just time management ideas for making yourself go to bed on time.


A few that I can say I've already tried:

-taking Magnesium
-cutting out caffeine
-making the room dark for sleep
-getting some light exercise

Although I get around the same amount of sleep most nights, the quality varies. Sometimes I have trouble falling or staying asleep and other times I wake up in the morning unable to remember how the night went.


What I'm trying right now:

-switching computer to warm light in the evening with the software they recommend: https://justgetflux.com/
-getting out in the daylight earlier in the day (which is only possible before 3 or 4 pm)

Results so far: These sleep "hacks" are all pretty difficult when it is so dark outside! This week has been a tiny bit less overcast, so I feel better when I'm outside, and I don't feel so "confused" about the time of day even though I still feel sleepy.

When I first installed f.lux, I loved the effect as the screen was bathed in warm light. I felt like it was lulling me to sleep. Since then, however, I feel that I have "adapted" and once again learned to push through and have a second wind. I'm thinking about fiddling with the time zone so that it goes to warm light even earlier, in order to send me to bed!


Other steps I want to try:

-Using a "wakeup light" to mimic natural sunlight in the morning.
-Turning off wi-fi at night.
-Going to bed before the second wind kicks in.

And something I haven't figured out yet:

-Keeping the bedroom cool for sleeping. (forced hot air and the radiators don't seem to have any sort of knob for adjustment)



I recommend checking out the blog post! Have you ever tried to kind of reset your body clock?

A little Russian healthcare before leaving...

No idea where the past month went, but I was planning for the past two weeks to be pretty productive, and instead I've been sick.

About 10 days ago, a virus hit our church (as usual). I started to feel weird about the same time, and before I knew it, I felt completely sapped of strength. Stayed home from church last Sunday and finally had to just put on some TV for David because I needed to lie down.

Then I waited for the usual cold symptoms to arrive. My eyes got reeeally red and watery, and I was sure the sniffles would be next. But instead I got this really specific type of pain in my throat, and once I checked in the mirror, I knew it wasn't just a cold...more like strep. :/

Andrei tried to make an appointment for me at the new fancy clinic just down the street. But unfortunately they were completely booked for the next day. Hopefully in an emergency they would have something.

However, the next place he called did have an opening. As I found the address, I realized that I'd been there before, the last time my throat hurt...when David was a baby (I can't find a post about it on here). I walked in and everything was as I remembered it.

After I had waited for several minutes, the doctor took me into sort of a closet-sized room as the others were occupied. As we got to talking, I decided that he was definitely the ENT I'd seen before, a sort of grandfatherly type. It seemed to be God's provision that Andrei had just "happened" to find that clinic (without knowing I'd been there already), and that the first one hadn't had any appointments.

After examining my polka-dotted throat, the doctor prescribed antibiotics and a few things to gargle with.

The antibiotics seem to be finally bringing some improvement, but not completely.


Meanwhile...

David and I are leaving for the U.S. in three days! I'm in complete denial. I've done nothing to prepare except dump a mix of clean and dirty clothes near two suitcases. All we need to do is make it on the plane...and then the second one, of course. And then we'll see what happens from there!