New week, New Year

This evening's post is brought to you by a pacifier-soothed baby (gave it to her and she put herself to sleep)! I'm not sure how I feel about that. Are we going to be running around at night looking for it when she can't sleep without it? But could it be any worse than getting up with David several times a night for the first three years? Is it harder to wean from rocking or using a pacifier? At any rate, I'm enjoying the peace and quiet for now. And will have to do a sleep post at some point.

Andrei started a full week of classes, with additional hours. So of course today he also came down with the family cold. Hopefully it will be mild!

The Jewish New Year is being celebrated right now. My church just started a new cycle of The Bible in a Year. I'm not sure how that ended up renewing in October, but I thought it was interesting that it coincided with Rosh Hashanah. I wanted to bake Challah and have our Bible study, but as usual we are sick and whatnot. Someday!

And the last new cycle beginning is related to my online fitness community having an anniversary sale. My membership had run out and I was trying to decide when to renew. I'm being careful about exercise, but right now they're my best resource anyway in terms of being gentle on the post-partum body. I just wish I could have someone like that in person as my trainer! But anyway, I saw the sale and decided that now is a great time to renew that journey. If you are at all looking for some home fitness instruction (especially focusing on core strength and much more), check out the 1 day sale at Fit2B studio.

Oh yeah, and it's my cousin's first wedding anniversary. David and I were there a year ago, dancing the night away. How life has changed in just one year!

Health crisis

(melodrama alert) It's been a rough few weeks! The day before we left for Russia, I had a very good doctor's report. I was extremely encouraged since it had taken so much longer to heal up after David was born.

Within a week after we arrived, I started having some troubling symptoms. I then self-diagnosed and began to read all about it, but decided I'd better take a break from that and focus on other things for awhile. I didn't want to see a doctor because I wanted to kind of put it out of my mind.

We were doing pretty well. Sophia was sleeping well, I felt like I was managing somewhat with two kids, and we were even able to do some fun things like baking projects.

Then the symptoms worsened, and anxiety and depression quickly spiraled out of control. I imagined myself as a life-long invalid. I'd never be able to lift groceries, or my kids for that matter.

I've already mentioned my prayer journal. I also started listening to an audio Bible throughout the day, since it's hard to find time for reading. I told myself that we'd survived much worse, like everything we experienced when David was a baby. I told myself it was just hormones. I told myself that it wasn't a cancer diagnosis. But the logic and "positive thinking" weren't working.

Crying fits gave way to hyperventilating, nausea, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, and extreme weakness. I was shaky all the time and wondered if I could be anemic. I'd never had an anxiety attack this bad. I think part of it was that I couldn't tell what was just butterflies in my stomach (probably about 90% of it)  and what was my organs falling out. Eventually I realized it was just anxiety, but couldn't talk myself out of it.

I gave in and let Andrei make a doctor's appointment for me.

Back to apartment life

As we get back to city life, it prompts me to compare different living accommodations. Would you rather live in a bigger or smaller space? I think as humans we often long for an upgrade, but at the same time a smaller home can seem pretty attractive. I liked living in a 1 rm apartment (that's not counting the kitchen and bathroom) the first year we were married, and living with roommates was always fun as long as I could have some privacy and space to do things like cook. It can be easier to decorate, too. All my little framed pictures look silly on a bigger wall.

Some of those "tiny" houses are pretty cute, the ones that are popular right now and even have their own show on HGTV. But I wouldn't try that with kids.

When your grandparents have their own backyard...

So we're back to our medium-sized apartment after staying with my parents. I like being all on one floor! Makes it easier with kids, laundry, etc.

The noise level is another story, though. Our walls are pretty thin! It's typical of our building type, but there were a lot of features that had us sold on this apartment.

Nighty-night notes and time travel

Before I get in bed for my sleep shift, there are two last letters I have to write.

1) The first is to write in my prayer journal. Unloading some needless worries is a pretty good way to end the day! It can get a little lonely taking turns with the kids instead of with each other, especially at night. So I have to spend a little time with Someone who helps lift that loneliness.

2) The other is kind of a fun one: I leave notes under David's pillow. Once he's asleep, I join him later for a few hours while Andrei is with the baby. I have to admit, David's bed is pretty comfy! But I also like to snuggle with him while I still can and just enjoy him without a baby sister interrupting (although she does eventually interrupt when Andrei brings her in for a feeding).

He always asks who's going to sleep with him, but most of the time he would never know I was ever in his bedroom. So I got the idea to leave a note for him, kind of like the Tooth Fairy! Last night I actually did one with his Invisible Ink pen. In general they say the same thing each night, but it's the thought that counts! Sometimes it feels like we're all in different time zones, overlapping at times to all be awake together. And at other times, watching each other sleep.

Pillow note