Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Birthdays as an adult

Not going to write about a party or growing older...just some rambling about everyday life mingled with birthday stuff.

So my birthday was a few days ago and I set expectations low...no offense to anyone who helped make it special, which I appreciated. ;)

I had the usual birthday insomnia. Does anyone else have that? Again not even really related to deep thoughts about growing older....just general wakefulness and trying to plan out the next day.

Finally was trying to fall asleep around 2:30 a.m., when Sophia joined me for the night. After several wake-ups, I started getting birthday texts around 8 am (on a Sunday morning). However, they were not texts from actual people. They were from stores wanting to "congratulate" me...and inviting me to buy something, of course.

Around 9 Sophia was up for the day, so I headed into another room to play, but Andrei sent me back to bed. After tossing and turning, I was just drifting back to sleep when a friend called. I lied and pretended I hadn't been sleeping. We talked for 5-10 minutes and I really tried to be conversational. But I couldn't help thinking my cup was empty...my people energy, that is.

Andrei made me breakfast, and Sophia was napping by that time since she'd been up for a few hours. Then he went to finish sermon prep and David and I started to make a cake...but Sophia woke up. Like I said, I had low expectations...I looked at the bowl with the butter sitting in it all alone since I hadn't mixed anything together yet. It wasn't too late to run and get dessert from the store. But Andrei took Sophia and encouraged me to go ahead with it.

While the cake was in the oven, I ran around getting church clothes out and setting the table, etc. Then Andrei went to work again and I tried to get dressed. It took ages! Sophia kept escaping and getting into mischief. Then I got a few phone calls, which I hadn't been expecting! And in between phone calls, the toilet broke and I was trying to fiddle with it without bothering Andrei. So as usual some very modest plans for the day ended up being a real feat to accomplish!

A few of the phone calls were from friends who have left our church. There was a bit of a mass exodus this spring. I candidly told Andrei that I didn't want to be friends with those people anymore. Too complicated to explain, but...if you've been there, maybe you understand.

Then here they were calling me on my birthday...which was ironic, since if they hadn't left our church we would have seen each other later in the day. We caught up a bit, and I was torn between loving them and not being able to fully engage my heart.

Next was the birthday meal! Andrei's parents arrived and we sat down at the table together and had lunch and dessert before getting ready for evening church.

It started to rain as we were leaving for church, and we didn't even take umbrellas, which probably wasn't wise in terms of spending the evening with wet feet.

At the end of the service, the birthday people received prayer and goodie bags. Then we stayed for tea and coffee hour. I wanted to catch up with people and reconnect, but again I had that "empty cup" feeling! I want to be a good friend and be approachable and be the good listener in conversation. Which I can still be a good listener, but I forget which questions to ask. And I'm embarrassed to say I've forgotten who has which job, etc.

Birthdays as a married woman with kids are different. When I was single and active at church, I used to get a lot of attention! I'm not saying this to brag, but that was the lifestyle for that season...lots of pouring into other people's lives and receiving in return. Now of course people wish me a happy birthday, but I'm not really a part of an intimate group of friends anymore that don't let a special day go unnoticed. I remember as a single girl feeling awkward about birthday plans and wanting to have a family so there would be a built-in group for holidays! :) However, sometimes family isn't enough and I miss my friends, even though I don't have a lot of social energy. I hope when the kids get older, they'll be enthusiastic about holidays!

I think the bottom line is just that since birthdays are memorable, we often use them to measure things and make comparisons between different phases of life.

Just for fun, here's a birthday post from one year when I was single...10 years ago, eep! http://lizinstpete.blogspot.ru/2007/06/vladimir-1-birthday.html


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