Perspective: Which country to call home

4 years ago, David was a baby and everyone was asking me if/when we were planning on leaving Russia. I wrote about it in this post.

Now they're asking again, in addition to wanting to know our specific plans for school!

Back when I was having trouble getting a visa to stay in Russia long-term, I remember this issue coming up: If I get a full-time job to stay in Russia, then I can't do the things I was doing before. I wondered if it was worth all that time and effort. Other missionaries were starting to relocate and move towards similar ministry, but in a neighboring country.

Why would we pack up and leave? Russia is our home. There are people to love all over the world, but it's not like you can close your eyes and point at the map to choose where to go next. There has to be more direction than that. I've moved before, so I know what it's like and I've dealt with all sorts of bureaucracy before. It wouldn't stop me. But in order to be willing to do that, you need to be passionate about making the change. You might be doing it for someone you love, or just a higher purpose in general. Sometimes it's a temporary decision that turns into a big move.

Right now we have relatives all over the U.S., as well as in St. Petersburg and Kinshasa. That's just family members, not counting friends. Moving to yet another location makes it that much harder to see each other. Plus you have many different languages at play. Which languages would the kids speak, and where would they choose to live in the future?

Smiles and Drinking Water

I kind of gave away the post with the title there, but I wanted to start from the end of our trip when we'd already come back to Russia.

Visiting the UK was like visiting the West for me. Sure, British and American culture are not one and the same, but when compared to Russian culture they are very similar. I even ate most of my favorite foods while in London. Yum.

I know the "smile" thing is controversial, but upon return to Russia, I realized that I had enjoyed the friendliness of Great Britain. You can analyze whether or not smiling and being friendly is "natural," but since it was instilled in me from an early age, I feel like I'm myself when I can make eye contact with strangers and greet them, or make some random comment in commiseration, or even crack a joke. Suddenly it turns out I'm not so socially awkward after all. I saw an article recently about expats who turn into introverts while abroad, but I didn't even read it since I consider myself an introvert to begin with. And yet...there is definitely a goofy side of me that doesn't come out unless I'm reeallly relaxed.

So now I'm back to the old dilemma of how exactly to be a polite and gracious individual, while living in another culture! If I behave like a friendly American, I might actually win someone over, but I wish I could be culturally-appropriate, like the young lady that came to visit today bearing a bouquet of flowers and some cakes wrapped in a box with a ribbon. What is selflessness? Does the Golden Rule transcend cultures? Is it better to be stiff and follow cultural norms, or let go and just be your clueless, bumbling self? It is so relevant to missionaries and other cross-cultural workers, as we often put passion into serving people the way we know how, acting with completely pure intentions but a moderate degree of naivete.

And the other item, the drinking water. How nice it was to just put a cup under the tap and have water to drink. Like a small wedge in my pie chart of daily stress was lifted. When I don't have drinking water with me, I worry about being thirsty suddenly, being stuck on hot public transportation or walking somewhere without water...or getting a migraine, or feeling sick to my stomach. On one of the planes we were on, we hadn't purchased water again after security, and David was thirsty already when we were boarding. He kept asking and asking for water, and we had to wait. I was more careful after that to always buy some. That is one of my hang-ups, I guess. I have to add, though...I had some intestinal troubles while traveling. So perhaps I was TOO casual about the tap water, but it was nice while it lasted!

Living simply; living far away (Nepal)

My mom recently sent me a book, "My Seventh Monsoon" by Naomi Reed, an Australian missionary to Nepal.

I took the book along with me to a church retreat last weekend and read a few chapters while waiting for David to fall asleep.

By the next morning, the earthquake had struck. But I didn't actually make the connection until much later. I walked into the conference room to see my friend who had been to Nepal several times, fiddling nervously with her phone. She mumbled something about an earthquake and her friends there. I didn't have internet or anything all weekend...so as I said, it didn't really register, but I could still see how it affected her. It definitely reminds me of Haiti and how many of my friends were affected by the 2010 disaster. Not a place that I've visited, but whatever burdens the hearts of my brothers and sisters is going to get to me, too.

My (Nepal-loving) friend then went on to lead morning worship for us in her sweet, faith-filled way. Later on Sunday, I finally got home to read the news and learn the scope of the tragedy.

Another of the girls who had gone.

Inside an Immigrant's Thought Process

It is really hard to get inside the head of someone functioning in a second language. I know this because it is my everyday reality, in contrast to the people around me!

I like to think of America as this place where anyone can settle down and lead a normal life, even someone arriving as an adult. But I realize that's a bit of an illusion. You never know what's happening behind someone's accent. And because receptive and expressive language acquisition can be different, you never know how intelligent someone is behind the accent...or how much of the conversation he/she is missing, while appearing to function as a native speaker.

Earlier today I was reading a novel about a Chinese student who came to the U.S. on exchange for grad school. She ends up being befriended by Christians and coming to faith...that's sort of the main plot, but I found myself thinking more about the logistics. The author did a good job of portraying some of the cultural nuances: tipping in restaurants, showing hospitality, etc. But I analyzed a lot of other aspects of what was going on. For example, how did the main character adjust to working in the university's dining hall? Did she know all the correct terminology related to washing dishes, etc.? Though the book is told from the heroine's point of view and we know her thoughts, I kept wondering what she sounded like when she spoke. Did she have a strong accent? Did she speak softly, or confidently? Did people respond to her differently than to a native speaker?

This fall marked 10 years since I moved to Russia! I am definitely "used to" living in a foreign country, but it is still a huge adjustment moving somewhere in adulthood. I'm sure my thought process is still so different from the average Russian's...at least in how I react to my environment. The other day I was checking out a few American news headlines and was struck by how I don't even read/watch the local news! Andrei does, and I wondered what different experiences we're having with processing what's going on in the world.

Meanwhile, there are certain areas where I still feel inept. Last week I was sick, and one night I lay awake knowing I needed to go to the doctor but being terrified of what was going to happen. I feel better now, but the site where I had blood drawn still has a huge, unsightly bruise. I don't know if it was a case of miscommunication or incompetence, but...ouch!

Anyway, part of the reason I'm bringing this up is that assessing my own perspective in turn makes me really curious about others. It is so commonplace to see migrant workers cleaning our stairwell, for instance. What's their story? We have some things in common and then some pretty big differences.

I'd better post this before it gets stuck in drafts purgatory...just wanted to share.

Excuses

About this time last week, a friend invited me (via Internet) to a birthday party for her 5 yr old. And I immediately began to form an explanation for why I wouldn't go. I never even wrote back...isn't that awful?

Do I say "no" too much? Is it bad if I am thinking of excuses as soon as the invitations roll in? What is it that I really want to say, other than "I can't make it"? That it's too hard to ask someone to babysit, or too far to travel in an already busy day? Should I put out a public service announcement to my friends that I might be busy for the next 5 years or so? But no, I don't want to do that. Sometimes everything lines up: my availability, health, and desire to take part. And then I have a good time and know that these opportunities are a priority too, of a sort.

So then the day before the aforementioned birthday party, a friend from church called. "Vika just asked me to her son's birthday party," she began...I was surprised, because Vika is MY friend whom I had invited to a few church events, and here she was reaching out to others in my church. "It kind of came unexpectedly, since the party's tomorrow," Sveta continued,"but...Liz, this person is reaching out. I wouldn't go by myself, but the two of us could go." After a brief discussion with Andrei, I called Sveta back and told her I would go.

But first, there was church...

Seeking brothers and sisters

I was contacted at one point by a woman who visits the same group of invalids with whom I am acquainted. It was great to make a connection that had the potential for future collaboration.

So we became "friends" via social networking, and started to correspond, though never meeting in person. I was encouraged to see the work she's been doing.

Except for this one tiny detail...

...She's Russian Orthodox.

And you know, she might have even been there before when we visited. I kind of might have avoided getting acquainted.

Maybe I'm going to lose a few friends for even admitting this, but I'm not very good at mixing (in a religious context) with people of other confessions (that is, non-Protestants). In 10 years of life in Russia I still kind of shy away from deep relationships with Orthodox believers. There are certain topics that we have to avoid. And I realize that some of it is tradition and not really doctrine/belief, but it just feels like it comes between us sometimes. I'm not talking about casual friendship, or even good friendships with Russians who are nominally Orthodox, but when it comes to really partnering in the Gospel...is it possible? And if so, how?

Today I happened to see some caustic comments written by someone who is against adoption of Russian kids by foreigners. Thank GOODNESS Americans aren't allowed to do it right now, they added. My heart didn't respond very graciously and my fingers might have typed a few spirited comments of my own.

I was reminded that, to the rest of the world, we Americans don't do a very good job of minding our own business. And missionaries may or may not be the worst of the lot...we just don't give up, do we?

Unfortunately, politics do play a role in these issues. And I realize it partly bothers me because I am letting it. Perhaps I am too quick to take offense.

But this woman, the church worker...I saw what she wrote on her own page. Help the kittens, Help the invalids,...Laugh at America. And my heart seized up and I felt like a hypocrite writing to her cheerfully about field trips and birthday presents and massage therapy.

I went to bed last night pondering this problem. And when I was traveling home from church today, I saw her through the window of the metro car before the doors even opened. I knew this church worker instantly from her profile picture. In a city of 5 million, God sent her to my metro car to meet in person. It was unplanned, you see...in fact, I think I scared her half to death as I darted from my seat and blurted out her name. "It's Elizabeth," I said. "We've been corresponding..."

Missionary aims

This evening while brushing my teeth and analyzing the world's political conflicts, I found myself wondering...are there missionaries who enter a country where they LIKE the political climate? Does anyone think to him/herself, "This country is so beautiful, and peaceful, and the culture is ideal, and its people are wonderful too, except for the fact that they don't know Jesus, so I'll go serve there"? Isn't there always something we want to fix?

And a follow-up question to that: is it WRONG to want to fix something? Missions and social justice often go hand-in-hand, and Christ certainly calls our attention to the needy. And when we see social problems, we want to fix them, but we also want to find someone to blame. So we blame the regime. Isn't that how it goes?

I can't decide if that is a fallacy or not, to blame suffering on the government. Does it matter where the corruption lies, as long as it is there, in hearts?

Sometimes it seems like life won't get better without a revolution. But I want to teach a different message. I want to spread the hope of living well; of finding joy even when your wait for certain change goes on and on.

Doesn't waiting for change hold us back sometimes? How do we fight that? How do we help others fight it?

Ex-pat Life

We were going through Immigration/Customs control in Boston, and I had written "U.S.A." as my place of residence. But after interviewing us, the Customs officer said, "okay, just cross that out and write Russia next to it." Gulp.

I know I live in Russia, but I'm not Russian. And they'll never give me citizenship. I don't know if Andrei will ever get U.S. citizenship. I always write U.S.A. as my permanent address. I'm supposed to be granted permanent residency in Russia in the fall, but I still want the U.S. address. I know it's probably weird for Andrei and me to have different addresses, though.

I think part of it is always feeling like a second-class citizen in Russia. I feel like a real person with rights in the U.S., even while living/working abroad.

BUT...even that has its limitations. It gets sort of complicated with things like healthcare, having part of it happen here and part of it there. Bank accounts here and there, tax declarations here and there. I start to feel like I should be apologetic for having unusual circumstances; an exotic last name (exotic middle name to the Russians); a job that doesn't have an easy description. But then I think...why should I feel BAD about not fitting someone's mold?

I don't know if I'm necessarily patriotic, but I definitely prefer aspects of American life to life in other countries, and I prefer to have the freedom to come here if/when the need arises. It feels safe to have that option to fall back on.

Maybe that sounds like I am putting my hope in earthly comforts; in a misplaced sense of security. But God is faithful in testing me. He helps expose my idols. Missionaries or not, we all go through those same basic sin issues.

Signs of closure, or continuation?

In a recent post, I mentioned having gotten together with a counselor friend from one of the orphanages. Something tells me we won't be meeting 2-3 times a week anymore. Galina has really been a friend in recent years, and true friends are hard to come by. I don't mean that I am lacking in friends, just that friendships take a lot of time and hard work to develop, and those people become precious.

The orphanage Galina works at has been a major part of my ministry, and it means a lot to be able to keep up with their news.

Similarly, I had a "blast from the past" with another one of the orphanages recently. I was cooking dinner and looked out the kitchen window to see a van parked outside our apartment. As I looked closer, I saw that it had an orphanage logo emblazoned on the sides. This orphanage is the one that's located a bit outside of the city. My sisters were adopted from there. I didn't think I'd know anyone there now, but as I looked down from the seventh floor, I recognized the former director, who knew the girls and my parents and me and remembers all the same kids I've worked with there.

Sure, it's doubtful I would find the time to travel all the way out to that orphanage again regularly. Amazingly, a piece of them had come to me. After turning the stove off, I threw some shoes on, grabbed my keys, and ran outside to say hello. I chatted with Yuri for a few minutes, and then Andrei showed up with the stroller and introduced himself (at which point David came down with a case of stranger anxiety and burst into tears).

So what's the reason for these communication lines still being open? Is the Lord trying to tell me to remain open to orphanage ministry? That is the way I usually interpret it. But I also had the following thought: What if He's sending these emissaries to me as a sort of closure? What if these "see you later" hugs really mean "farewell"?

You know, I think that it would be a tragedy to live in Russia and remain complacent to the plight of orphans.      However, it's also worth noting that my mission was never just about orphans. It wasn't even just about children's ministry. I guess there are missionaries who have more specific assignments, but I've had a different experience. So bear with me as I continue the journey...

Leaving Russia?

For the first 8 days of January, the whole country (practically) is off work and everyone goes to visit each other.

We did a lot of hosting since it’s hard to travel with a little one. Some of our guests were friends from church, while others were from different parts of our past-mine from summer camp, Andrei’s from university.

What was interesting was that everyone asked us the same questions: Don’t you want to move to the U.S.? What keeps you here?

While many Russians have a certain amount of national pride, it is very common for people to dream of moving abroad.

I would say that life outside Russia looks more attractive now than it did a few years ago-and that is even with our own apartment (not a rental), which greatly increases the chances of being able to make a living.  Without going into specifics, there are many ways that the standard of living here is less than ideal. Of course, St. Petersburg is an amazing city with a rich culture and history. 

It makes me mad when non-Russians make negative comments about Russia or her people. I guess it’s partly because it is “my” country in a way and I want to defend it against stereotypes. In general I would agree that there is a lot of corruption and that people are treated terribly. But corruption in a biblical sense can be found in any country. The other reason the criticism bothers me is that it adds to my own temptation, making me doubt my decision to live here. My heart has been happy here, despite a variety of trials and misadventures.

Andrei and I don’t feel “called” to go serve somewhere else. We try to guard our hearts and not do something for the wrong reasons. We believe that God holds our future, and wherever He leads will be best for our family.

They are 8

Maybe I've mentioned this before, but these two girls were born the fall I moved to Russia. Every once in a while I look at them and think, that's how much my life has changed.

While they were being transformed from infants into the savvy schoolgirls they are now, I did a lot of growing, too.

When they were babies, I was a college graduate in a strange land. The one on the left is Nastia; her family lived near one of the orphanages and I would visit them sometimes. My Russian was limited but the young mother would always pray with me. They had very little money, but she would always feed me and it was always delicious. Their family has become very dear to me and they recently had a baby in the spring, who shares my name.

These two were once the littlest pupils and we made a special Sunday school group for them. Now they are with the big kids.

They both got to be flower girls in various weddings. By the time I was getting married, Uliana (on the right) had a little sister. We asked Uliana to carry my train and Sasha to scatter flower petals.

By next year they will be even taller and wiser and prettier. And maybe I will start to measure milestones by how big David is. But I will always remember those girls and the early years.

A Glimpse of Christian Youth in SPB

It's been several years since I participated in any sort of street evangelism, Christian skits, camp sessions, etc. I look at something like this and think "I'm way too old," but whether that's an issue or not, my eyes fill with tears as I see these Russian believers (young or not) trying to reaching their city for Christ via a flash-mob.

This is a Protestant effort; I would be curious as to what kinds of activities young Orthodox believers are involved in.

On another note, I heard that the government wants schools to implement a new "Patriotism" program.....

David's visa journey

Introduction

The changing Russian visa laws over the past several years have required missionaries to make tough decisions about continuing their work in Russia. Whether choosing to live in Russia only part of the time, leave for good, or get a different type of document, it all changes the way we do ministry.

For me, choosing to pursue a residency permit has been a long journey that has left me unable to spend so much time doing the same things I did before. It's affected me physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, and has taken hours and hours of time. But for me, fighting to stay in Russia was what seemed right.

Now, we've come full circle as visa laws are being "relaxed" once again. Will missionaries start to come back? Is there work for full-time missionaries in Russia, or is that era ending?

Over and over again, getting certain documents processed has caused a chain of events that send me on wild goose chases, trying and trying and trying and trying until something works. Usually the solution ends up being the least convenient/practical. For example: we could only get a tourist visa for David and then just a few weeks later, the visa laws changed. Lack of organization, or just Murphy's Law working against us? I prefer to see it as God sending us through His refining fire.

We could have given birth in Russia, or gotten David's Russian citizenship in the U.S., or waited a few weeks  to get one of the new visas to Russia so he could be there longer without needing to exit. But we had our reasons, and God had His reasons, that it worked out this way.

Getting around Tallinn

I'm not staying in Old Town like last time, but the public transportation is pretty easy to navigate, as long as you can have someone point out where to get off. As a mother and child, we get to ride for free. Some countries will let an infant ride for free, but it's nice to feel taken care of as a mother, too.

Despite having so much forest area, things here are very hi-tech in terms of Internet and cellular service. You pay for things like parking with your cell phone. Lots of malls and shopping centers.

Consulate Hours (please note: Americans do not need to go here, you need to process your visa at a different location, see below)

The Russian Consulate is different from how I remember it. You walk in (to the visa section, not the Consular section for citizens) on the first floor, and the windows are all right there. There is a "kassa" where you pay and then there are a few other windows. I talked to one man who motioned at me through the glass...you DO still need to talk to them using a telephone receiver, but I'm more confident of my Russian, 5 years later!

I asked a few questions and he sent me to the Lady who checks visa applications. Maybe she's the same one from last time, I don't quite remember.

The answer is: Americans shouldn't show up in person anymore at the Consulate but should use a third party (like the Russian Consulates in the U.S.). The one appointed for Estonia is called the "Russian Visa Center" (Российский Визовый Центр).

At the center, I glanced at the girl's nametag and saw that she had a Russian name, so I asked if Russian or English were more comfortable for her. I don't speak Estonian and many people here have Russian roots, but it's probably better not to assume. She said Russian was okay.

They accepted everything with no problem after checking to make sure we could apply for one of the new 3-yr visas. Once again we got some information "too late": David could have gotten a homestay visa since the invitations are totally low-key now. I had searched for this information online but hadn't found it...turns out a link from a link on the Russian Embassy site (in Russian) will get you there. Oh well, hopefully he'll enjoy his 3-yr tourist status!

We paid there and got the receipt that we'll use to pick up the visa, at the same location. No need to set foot in the Consulate.

3-yr visas

Here is the Russian version: http://www.kdmid.ru/docs.aspx?lst=country_wiki&it=/Nota_%E2%84%96_46197kd_081111.aspx

If you go to the English site of the Russian Embassy in the U.S., click on Consular Section, and choose your type of visa, then you will see the updated requirements. For example, a homestay visa: http://www.russianembassy.org/Embassy_eng/Consulate/Homestay_visa.html

Main differences:
-good for three years
-holder can stay for six months at a time, but can reenter after exiting
-more expensive (currently $180)
-takes longer (up to 15 calendar days)
-still need an invitation, but might be more casual (check your visa type)
-the Consulates claim they have the right to ask for additional information like bank statements; not sure if that will be enforced at all

Unusual missionary jobs

At some point I was in a biography mood while Kindle-browsing, and decided to download a few missionary volumes. One of these was about Gladys Aylward, missionary to China.*

I'd heard of her before, but only briefly, and I was interested in reading more of her story. It has turned out to be quite a page-turner even though I feel like I'm reading something I might have read in grade school as far as the reading level.

It always amazes me when I read about someone who may have been similar to me but had a totally different calling. Maybe my life would have seemed intimidating to Gladys, but I don't know how I would have survived in her situation. I like this book overall, but I had to take a break after it gave me some violent dreams.

This passage blew me away the first time I was reading it: click for more/-

'So,' continued the mandarin, looking rather proud of himself, 'the government has given me a problem. I need someone to be a foot inspector. A man would not do, because men are not to look at a woman's feet. I need a female foot inspector. But where, I asked myself, would I find a woman who could travel on foot over rough roads and climb mountains to reach the small villages to make sure every girl's feet have been unbound? Only a woman with unbound feet could do that. And I asked myself, in all of China, who is the woman who speaks the Yangcheng dialect and has unbound feet? That woman will be my foot inspector.'

The mandarin stopped for a moment to smile at his logic. Then he proceeded. 'There is only one such woman in the whole district, and it is you, Gladys Aylward!' (see book credit below)

Can you imagine moving to a foreign land to be a missionary, and being commanded to look at people's feet? Obviously many missionaries have medical duties, but what a specific task! It is so bizarre on the one hand, and on the other hand so clearly a witness to God's leading and providence. He brought her there and showed her exactly what to do...

*Gladys Aylward: The Adventure of a Lifetime (Christian Heroes: Then & Now)

Theories-more specific

Sometimes I grumble about overanalyzing and then go and....analyze something. :) Sorry!

A visitor left a comment which let me to an article which was not only insightful, but hit on the word I was looking for:

Contextualization!
 
I was thinking about this question today, with regards to both domestic and overseas ministry:

In preaching the Gospel, should we try to put the message in a specific cultural context? continue/-

Sermons and marketing

A tough point in cross-cultural preaching is that the Gospel must be presented as relevant to everyday life, yet lifestyle among the congregants is more likely to be a variable and not a constant. The biggest worry on a listener's mind might be a completely strange notion to the minister if he is from another country or even a different generation.

Admittedly, I'm more conservative when it comes to using a lot of "modern" examples in sermons. I don't know if illustrations ought to include references to current TV shows, politicians, or sports events.Why? I think Dr. Sills offers a good explanation in his article, Reclaiming Contextualization:

"..much of what many call contextualization is simply an effort to be trendy and edgy. It may be effective, it may attract a hearing, it may not be offensive to the hearers, but that is not contextualization; that is marketing."

So while anyone trying to explain the Gospel must try to understand the specific trials and questions of those he is ministering to, using those interests to make the Gospel more attractive may lead to false conversions. Does that make sense at all?


Discipling new Christians

I'm going to avoid questions of Bible translation and skip to the issues of Christian conduct that sometimes come up.

One thing Christians and especially missionaries argue about is whether it is necessary to allow certain cultural practices to continue once Christianity has taken root. For example, polygamy, use of narcotics, etc.

One problem I see with this question is that in discussing what will be "allowed," the authority is often on the missionary or whomever's shoulders. How about involving the new believers, asking them what their temptations are, and considering that when making church guidelines?

Some say that we shouldn't mess with culture, such as gender roles (Dr. Sills touches on this as well).

But consider the opposite: restrictions may need to be greater because of the temptations that arise for new Christians as they continue to live, surrounded by these practices. For example, a new church community with recovering alcoholics may completely outlaw alcohol, even wine for communion. No compromise.


What about my culture?

To be honest, I don't see these questions as ones that only missionaries deal with. It is more a question of conversion and raising disciples in general. How should Russians minister to Russians, or Americans to Americans? How should anyone witness to his neighbor?

Are we trying too hard to control young believers, depriving them of a chance to discern for themselves?

Or are we afraid to condemn certain sinful behavior, not wanting to seem prejudiced or old-fashioned?

Are we being too general or too specific when putting the Gospel into context as we witness? Too general meaning lacking in examples from everyday life; too specific meaning using plenty of examples, but without relevancy.

Theories

Is it possible to theorize on how to love? Are there methods that work and don't work?

I was pondering some different theories on how to "do" cross-cultural ministry. There are certain words that rub me the wrong way, like "effectiveness," "productivity," "results;" even seemingly fancy terms like "cultural sensitivity" and "going native."

And then I realized that the problem isn't that people sit around talking and analyzing missions, since some observations do hit the nail on the head. The Apostle Paul certainly did a lot of meditating and writing on the subject.
continue/-

The problem is when you try to fit it into a system of doing "A" for "B" to occur. Take a simple concept like conforming to the local dress. If you wear the native costume, then you will be more readily accepted by "them" and will be able to get better access in order to preach the Gospel, and will produce more RESULTS! But what is the focus or priority here? My program? My need to feel fulfilled?

In fact, when we focus on loving the people around us, we arrive at many of the same basic guidelines, yet in an attitude of serving rather than of striving.

When people are in love, they study each other; new friends inquire of each other's interests; teachers try to find out what their students are like. It is done genuinely and that is why it is successful.

And so it makes sense, that when you live among people, in any culture; and when you want to go deeper into their lives and get involved, you start to make some changes to your behavior. Or you find yourself going to the library getting on the Internet to search for more about a certain subject. Because you want to understand. And I don't know how much the level of conformity (or non-conformity) matters in the end; as long as we are submitted to the Lord.

Wanting to help

Sitting at home thinking about Haiti?

Here are a few relief funds that were personally recommended.

1) "Only a Servant Ministries" (in memory of a young missionary who died of cancer)

2) "Heartline Ministries" (recommended by friends who visit Haiti often and are adopting)

A woman from my home church is in Haiti on a medical mission. She arrived just as the quake hit. You can read her thoughts here.

What the new law means

Recently, a few people have mentioned the new law about foreign "laborers" in Russia. Here's an explanation on someone's blog.

The reality is that mass evangelism has been restricted for awhile. I have heard about things getting "tighter," but I think it depends on what you are doing. Every once in a while you hear of a Bible study somewhere getting broken up, but I think that's fairly rare.

I haven't participated lately in anything that would be against the new proposed law. I know that authorities are especially concerned about anyone that could be taken advantage of, such as invalids or children. They fear that children are "impressionable." (I think Orthodox education of children starts pretty early, but apparently that doesn't count.)

read more/-

Anyway, I can't think of a situation in which this law would apply. I attend a Russian church and there's nothing there that would draw attention to missionaries. I don't do any proselytizing in the orphanage or any other public places. What I do is all about life and work and the relationships along the way. But Christ is the foundation, and no law can change that.

I don't have too much contact with other missionaries, so my perspective might not be accurate. If any foreign-run ministries have had to close, I don't think it is an indicator that Russia is closed to the Gospel. It just means that people will be seeking the Gospel in other contexts.

An attitude towards Missions

I was reading this article recently in the Perspectives textbook. I broke up the paragraphs a little so that individual statements stand out.

-"Lack of interest in mission is not fundamentally caused by an absence of compassion or commitment, nor by a lack of information or exhortation.

-And lack of interest in mission is not remedied by more shocking statistics, more gruesome stories or more emotionally manipulative commands to obedience.

-It is best remedied by intensifying peoples' passion for Christ, so that the passions of his heart become the passions that propel our hearts. +/-

-Mission must never have first place in the Church's life. The Church is to have but one Lord-one passion-the One in whom all the fullness of God dwells...

-...It is insufficient to proclaim that the Church of God has a mission in the world. Rather, the God of mission has a Church in the world."

-Dearborn, Tim. "Beyond Duty," 1997. From the Perspectives textbook (p. 70); used by permission of World Vision.

Teen with a mission?

I have mixed feelings about teenagers and missions trips. And I've had mixed experiences. One observation is that because of a certain amount of immaturity, teens are subjected to special rules, which may in turn drive them to feel like less is expected of them because they are young.

On the flip-side, teens often lack a lot of the analyzing that we do as adults. I can remember being bolder about witnessing, because I wasn't worried so much about offending someone because of culture, religion, or otherwise. Again, it's both a plus and a minus.

I can remember a lot of occasions when my teenage peers and I displayed behavior that, when looking back, was not the best witness for Christ. The interesting thing about my situation was that the Russian camp staff watched me grow up, in a way. Although I was aware of being "set-apart," I still went through all the normal teenage struggles. But I was sincere in wanting to serve the Lord. Some of us hide our "ugliness" better than others, but we are all still being refined. As missionaries, our weaknesses are going to come out in one way or another. +/-

Earlier this week, some youths 5-10 years younger than I shared about their recent short-term missions experiences. It was good timing because I had been reading my old Russia journals from the teen years and reminiscing about all my various experiences.

I am really glad that I have these journals. It is so obvious that I'm young from the way I describe things. In some ways it was my place to complain, as I tried to refrain from complaining while serving. Yet I can remember the progression of my thoughts and the spiritual growth that was going on in my heart. I chose my words very carefully so that I would remember. The details are a bit boring, but I included them all deliberately.

The following entries describe a chain of events over a week's time, including a tragedy that happened while we were at camp.

Thurs. July 6th (2000)

Today there were "Olympics" again. Alice led the morning meeting. Her topic was Godly Wisdom. Today was Ira's day off, so Lena came to Group 56 with me instead. I didn't have anything specific planned to do with them. It began to rain very hard and there was thunder and lightning. I spoke to the girls about God a little bit. Some of them believe in reincarnation. One girl has a pet rat named Jessica.

Lena was afraid of it and it nearly brought her to tears. Then we just talked about favorite pets and colors and things. I wrote in some girls' journals. I told them I would do gospel bracelets tomorrow.

Later, people from the village came again. The little girl was all dressed up. She looked really cute. We watched the closing ceremony for the Olympics. Kids received awards in each sport. Various groups performed. We didn't have a prayer meeting because of the various activities taking place.

I went back to the Fisherman's House. I kept hearing music and applause and laughter. Olga told me that they had inflated the bouncy castle. I went over there and found Kirk, Mary, Elliott, Jeff, Tim, Vova Music, and some others. You could swing from a rope to the bouncy castle.

Sat July 8th (2000)

At breakfast I heard that there had been a car accident involving Vova Music, Sasha, and Sergei. The meeting was very quiet and solemn. We prayed about the accident. We had heard that Sasha's neck was broken. Then we sang and my dad led devotions...

We tried to plan for Bible study but found ourselves stuck, so we prayed about it. We decided to just sing and pray with the kids. Later there was another outdoor disco. Faith passed along some of her kindergarten kids to me, so I had a little mob. We signed cards for Vova and Sasha, and for Marina, whose birthday is tomorrow. Sergei may go to jail since he was driving.

The bouncy castle was open but the boys were being really rough. I have a skinned knee now from Tim shoving me.

Thurs July 13

After lunch we had practice for the square dance to be performed Friday night. The end of the session is almost here, so there are a bunch of evening concerts. My partner is Elliot. Then there are Matt and Ira, Faith and Tim, and Andrea and Jeff. Alice was teaching us, but she's not feeling well. One of the dances ("Hurry hurry") is tricky, so we had a little trouble. Afterwards it was too late to visit my group, so I skipped it.

We didn't have time to do much in terms of prayer meetings. The concert tonight featured kids impersonating pop stars. We were hanging around outside the Club before it started. I noticed a couple groups of team members huddled around looking worried. I asked a few people what was wrong, but no one would tell me. I figured there had been a fight, because certain members had begun to get on each other's nerves. Courtney looked really upset. I asked what was wrong and she said, "I think you can figure it out," not in a mean way, just in a hushed voice. At that moment I realized that Vova had died. I said "Oh" and Courtney nodded. I felt kind of stupid that I hadn't figured it out before and annoyed that no one had told me. Elliot came up to me, and I wasn't sure if he knew yet, but he gave me a hug, and it wasn't a silly hug but a sad one. A couple of us went over to pray silently with those about to perform.

At 11, we had a team meeting about Vova. It was very solemn. Also, I was hungry, so my stomach kept growling. We did some sharing and praying. I hated seeing everybody so sad. Having witnessed Vova's baptism last year and seen how kind he was I feel confident that we will see him in heaven. I feel that God will use this somehow. But it's hard to explain to the kids and everybody why things like this happen.