Monday, August 29, 2011

Being alone

I remember a time when my only lover was God. He was the only one who knew my innermost secrets. 

It is quite possible to be single and not a bit lonely, when you have a Faithful Friend. Of course you can wonder about the possibility of having a companion, but it is not necessary to be sad, because single life can be quite full. But I am already losing the perspective I had then, so I'm glad to have journal entries to remind me.

I was lying awake due to jet-lag a few nights ago, while a special person lay snoring sleeping next to me. I wondered...had anything really changed in the past month? Here I was, lying awake again in the darkness...hadn't I forgotten about Someone who used to keep me company?

When Andrei and I were on vacation, we got up fairly late, and it felt awkward to separate for individual prayer time. We did everything together. Sometimes we would both sit at our computers, though not for long. Maybe in the evening I would read a chapter or two while Andrei journalled. But in general, it was hard to get motivated to go off by ourselves and pray separately. I remember going through a similar thing with my college roommate-we had just met, and were sort of getting along, but how do you interject into a conversation (or even a lull), "I don't want to talk right now"? Finally I just pulled out my Bible at my desk and she did the same, and it worked out.

Now that it's fall Andrei and I will both be very busy again, and it will still be hard to discipline ourselves to spend time with the Lord. But on the other hand, we'll be out of the house at different times, so there will be opportunities for reflection. I am glad at least that jet-lag served as a reminder to seek companionship with my Heavenly Father.


4 comments:

  1. You both have your hearts in the right place, so I am sure you will find a way to give yourself that important time. That's one of the blessings of a Christian marriage - and surely being prayerful people is one of the things that attracted you to one another. It is one of the blessngs of a Christian marriage that your partner would encourage you spiritually. But, you have had a good reminder that it is necessary to make it a priority.... It IS harder to make time for God when you have a spouse - and children, I have to say, make it MUCH harder.

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  2. I giggled interiorly at your illustration photo. I like it a lot - but when you were ALONE your blog readers rarely got to see photos of you!

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  3. Ha ha! Well, it seems a little self-centered to post photos of oneself. :)

    I can see how the personal prayer time could disappear. When the other family members are home you think you'll have a quiet time when you're alone. When you're home alone you think, "I'll use this time while no one is underfoot to cook and clean and take a shower and use the Internet without interruptions. I'll pray when the husband/kids/etc. come home and are occupied with something." Then the whole day passes and you still haven't sat down with your Bible...

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