I somewhat abandoned my journal during senior year of high school, but freshman year of college exploded with entries.
Here are a few:
"I feel pretty disconnected right now. No fellowship. I think I'll meet some people soon, but it's hard right now, especially since I need the support.
Wow. I just looked over and my roommate is reading her Bible. I wonder if she did that last night too or if she thought I wouldn't approve? I don't know...I'll do my reading now (Romans)."
October 18-19, 2000
"Oh Lord, there is something about the night that I like. I don't know why. But I am glad you are here with me to help me enjoy it.
Jesus, what do you do when someone hurts you? I am asking because I want to be like you. And because you, of all people, have been hurt, even (especially) by ones whom you love. You were so sad. Yet you called one of your enemies a friend! You never stopped loving those who hurt you. You just kept on being faithful to them. Is that what I should do?"
"What is there to say? I want to want to love you. I don't want to just love you because I am commanded to. It's hard to love on purpose sometimes.
There are a lot of people I am concerned about, but I guess I should try to work on my own heart before I go out and save the world.
So what is my problem right now? My problem is I am worrying too much. And I think I need to get my priorities straight. Also, I hate to see other people hurting. So I lift them up to you, Jesus. Even if they don't come to you themselves, I can intercede for them. Be with my friends, Lord. And with my enemies."
"I surrender all. Past, present, future; morning, day, and night."
"I have a lot I'm thinking about but I can't write it all down. So I will let your Spirit intercede for me, dear Jesus. I will probably look back at this later and not remember what I was thinking." [yeah, I forgot]
May 8, 2001
"I was so much in despair the other night that all I could think of to pray was, 'help me, help me.' I think I'm doing better now, but I still need help.
'But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.' Luke 5:16
It's a tiny little verse that got stuck in there. I wonder...what does 'lonely' mean in this sense? Was Jesus himself lonely? Sometimes I like to withdraw to lonely places. But many times it is because I am sad. And then I despair. If only I could focus completely on prayer rather than on worldly anxieties."