So I had sort of written about things from the point of view of human emotions, though my trust is in God. The times of high stress with red tape come in waves, and right now we don't have any major deadlines.
We are in a time of peace. My spirit is at peace and I don't worry about the future. It's partly thanks to my faith and partly the season that we're in. Another season may have me freaking out, but I don't see that as a sign of weakness. I believe that God predisposes us as individuals to be anxious in some situations and stronger in others. I don't see the worry itself as a flaw. It's what we do with it. I'm not afraid of flying, or most travel. But the packing will have me losing sleep every time. Maybe God will take away that feeling of stress someday, or maybe He just uses it to keep me humble. I fully expect to be brought to my knees many more times in this life. When it comes to parenting, Andrei and I sometimes get anxious in contrasting situations. I might be totally calm while he's worrying, and vice versa. But we're both right, and we honor each other's concerns.
I've never liked to speculate. Ever since I was young, I never had any clear ideas about the future. I delayed my college entry decision until the last possible minute, and I declared my major on the last Friday of the last week possible of sophomore year. It was hard when people would ask, because "undecided" wasn't a satisfactory answer. And then people wanted me to make a guess anyway. But I didn't know the future. Then at graduation everyone wanted to know, too. Nope, I never planned to be a missionary. I suppose it is normal to ask these kinds of questions, to show an interest in someone. But....why can't "I don't know?" be an answer? I don't like to say I'm going to do something, if I'm not sure.
Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. -Matt. 5:33-37
Maybe this is why I don't like to talk about it...I don't want to make a promise I can't keep. But the other side of the coin is that I love to make charts and plans and do the research on various leads. So while I might not reveal anything that is uncertain, chances are that I have plenty of ideas brewing, with all of the details mapped up. And I'm happy to share any KNOWN factors with anyone interested. But right now it is on more of a smaller scale; no major life changes at the moment!