I have been trying for about the past 2 years to read Augustine's "Confessions." That doesn't mean I don't like it. Some of the best works are best read a bit at a time and savored. Sometimes I take that approach to reading the Bible. ;)
But I don't know why Augustine is such a struggle. I open a chapter, start reading, and the topic seems interesting, the words compelling...yet I can only manage about a page (if that) before I either get totally lost or fall asleep.
Maybe part of the problem is the translation. Though Latin, by definition, is made up of complex sentences in which you forget the beginning by the time you get to the end. In my opinion. It would be hard to preserve that in another language.
I can't remember how the topic came up, but I was explaining this problem to my roommate. I brought in "Confessions" to show her, and she began to read out loud. She's a non-native speaker, I might add. And as she read, I suddenly began to understand what the text was about. She put the pauses and emphases in all the right places, so that it sounded like someone telling a long story to someone else (which is the point of "Confessions," the author telling a long story about his own life). I was amazed.
So maybe the key to "Confessions" is to read it out loud. Or to listen to someone else. I made a prediction that all available recordings are probably done in a stuffy British accent (no offense to anyone British, but for some reason the languages of the Ancients are often dramatized with the help of a British accent). So far this prediction has rung true in the samples I've found online.
I haven't found a full version online, except for an offer that expired in August. I'm not sure if I want to download a whole book, but I thought I might be able to find it in parts or a streaming version like they have for the Bible. Any ideas?
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Friday, November 7, 2008
Weakness
There must be thousands of commentaries written on Paul's struggle in 2 Cor. 12:7. I'm not motivated to read them because I don't want my impression to be tainted. But it's clear that many have meditated on this passage throughout the centuries. "Thorn in the flesh" even has its own Wikipedia entry, and variations of the phrase are widely used in the English language to denote a persistent trial.
I opened my Bible to refresh my memory about this incident and to see if there was anything I could apply. I was surprised to read about Paul praying only 3 times. Maybe it is figurative, who knows. But it seems like very little. I think that after 3 times I would keep trying. I don't know if I would have heard God's voice or recognized it as an answer.
I wonder which is better: to keep hoping for deliverance or to accept a condition and move on. Sometimes it seems like people who adapt to life with constant difficulties (physical or otherwise) are more content than those who continue to wait for a miracle. Certainly this is true if the person is completely consumed by his/her waiting. When all emotions and energy are devoted to a specific problem, even if it is time spent in prayer, life can pass you by. Yet, if the problem is debilitating, adapting is not so easy.
As for God's answer to Paul, His power is always made perfect in weakness. And we can always give thanks that He is using our weak bodies as vessels. But does it count as an answer to prayer if God is simply revealing His character, but not giving instructions? Was Paul to regard this answer as a sign for that particular moment, or for the rest of his life?
I have never identified easily with Paul and I haven't envied his life. But I do envy his intimacy with God; his ability to hear God's voice and discern His will.
I am glad the passage is confusing. Imagine if there were more of an explanation. Christian bookstores would be overflowing with "self-help" commentaries on the topic. The key to seeing prayer answered would be to pray the magic words 3 times, turn around in a circle, etc. And if we knew exactly what the "thorn" was, we might limit the application, instead of being able to apply the passage to weaknesses in general.
I am also glad the passage is confusing because I don't find the answer in a human resource. I have to go to the Source. I have to pray about things until I hear an answer. I have to seek God so that I hear when He answers.
Sometimes I'm afraid that the answer will be right in front of my face and I'll miss it because I'm not tuned in to God. Sometimes He tells me gently and patiently, but I don't listen, and understand the answer only through painful (but helpful) discipline.
I opened my Bible to refresh my memory about this incident and to see if there was anything I could apply. I was surprised to read about Paul praying only 3 times. Maybe it is figurative, who knows. But it seems like very little. I think that after 3 times I would keep trying. I don't know if I would have heard God's voice or recognized it as an answer.
I wonder which is better: to keep hoping for deliverance or to accept a condition and move on. Sometimes it seems like people who adapt to life with constant difficulties (physical or otherwise) are more content than those who continue to wait for a miracle. Certainly this is true if the person is completely consumed by his/her waiting. When all emotions and energy are devoted to a specific problem, even if it is time spent in prayer, life can pass you by. Yet, if the problem is debilitating, adapting is not so easy.
As for God's answer to Paul, His power is always made perfect in weakness. And we can always give thanks that He is using our weak bodies as vessels. But does it count as an answer to prayer if God is simply revealing His character, but not giving instructions? Was Paul to regard this answer as a sign for that particular moment, or for the rest of his life?
I have never identified easily with Paul and I haven't envied his life. But I do envy his intimacy with God; his ability to hear God's voice and discern His will.
I am glad the passage is confusing. Imagine if there were more of an explanation. Christian bookstores would be overflowing with "self-help" commentaries on the topic. The key to seeing prayer answered would be to pray the magic words 3 times, turn around in a circle, etc. And if we knew exactly what the "thorn" was, we might limit the application, instead of being able to apply the passage to weaknesses in general.
I am also glad the passage is confusing because I don't find the answer in a human resource. I have to go to the Source. I have to pray about things until I hear an answer. I have to seek God so that I hear when He answers.
Sometimes I'm afraid that the answer will be right in front of my face and I'll miss it because I'm not tuned in to God. Sometimes He tells me gently and patiently, but I don't listen, and understand the answer only through painful (but helpful) discipline.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
"Vacation"
It's school vacation week. It doesn't affect life that much, but the kids from the orphanages have been parceled out to different locations: some to camp, some to relatives. And a few are still in the orphanage.
I wanted to do something fun with the remaining kids, like we had done in the past. I'm working with a different counselor now though, so when I suggested going into the city for bowling or a movie, she didn't seem very enthusiastic. "I'll only have two kids here," she said. "The rest of them are going to relatives." I thought that was all the more reason to help the remaining kids have a fun vacation. Then the counselor suggested that we go to the movie theater near the orphanage, so I agreed. I wasn't sure it would be the fun excursion that I envisioned, but better than nothing. Maybe the counselor just didn't want to go to the trouble of getting permission to take the kids out and make the trip to the city.
On the day I was supposed to go, the counselor called and said, "I've only got two kids here. You don't have to come, you can have a day off. It's your choice. " Hmmm. Now what did that mean? I was already dressed. Did she mean she felt sorry for me and wanted me to rest? Or that the kids didn't want me to come? It was so tempting to stay home, and not go anywhere, and not have to deal with the depressing atmosphere of the orphanage. But I could picture the faces of lonely (or at least bored) children in my head. Maybe they were content to lie around and watch tv, but surely that would get old. I changed my mind several times and then decided to go. I grabbed Uno, Phase 10, Yahtzee, and Set. I also grabbed an English textbook in case anyone was feeling ambitious.
As I walked into the orphanage, I decided that I would spend time with the first lonely child I encountered. I stopped by the floor we usually visit. No first-graders came running. It would have been easy enough to play with the little ones, but they didn't seem to be around. The group that I had wanted to take to the movies also didn't seem to be around. I headed up to the next floor. On the way there, I met Roma. "Are you here for a lesson?" he asked. "No, I just brought some games," I said. "Okay, let's play."
Roma is the most friendly and the most difficult. He is sweet and helpful one moment and the next he is swearing profusely and laughing in my face. I managed to put off Uno and try to teach him Phase 10. But his attention span wasn't quite long enough and he eyed the Uno cards. Then some other boys came and joined us. I remembered why I hate playing Uno in the orphanage: All the American (Australian, etc.) teams that come teach different rules. There's Killer Uno, Crazy Uno, etc. I am really strict about card game rules and refuse to play if there's a rule dispute. Here the kids had learned new rules, like if there's a zero you switch hands or if you play a certain number, you can lay down all your cards with that number at the same time. I didn't want to play with those rules. I wanted to play with the classic rules, which were written on paper.
Roma went into a frenzy of playing numerous illegal combinations of cards and then shouting "It's my turn! It's my turn again!" When I protested, he swore at me, or spoke in some kind of "tongue" he had made up. He was either mocking me by pretending to speak English, or pretending to speak Russian so it would seem like I didn't know Russian. The other boys laughed.
Roma, however, is a success story when it comes to English. He remembers everything that was taught and also memorizes what I say, and then puts together sentences. I only taught his group for one year last year and that was infrequent. He doesn't have English in school, but somehow he converses.
At one point, a counselor came in to check on the kids. I wondered what she would think of my cards and dice. I waited for her to yell an instruction to me or the kids, but at that moment, Roma said something to me in English. A smile broke across the counselor's face. She seemed satisfied and left the room. I guess it looked like I was doing something educational.
After I confiscated the Uno cards, I managed to convince Roma and another boy to try Yahtzee, and we played a full round. Then it was time to leave. I walked by a room of boys, glued to a computer game. The corridors were quiet and empty as I left.
I wanted to do something fun with the remaining kids, like we had done in the past. I'm working with a different counselor now though, so when I suggested going into the city for bowling or a movie, she didn't seem very enthusiastic. "I'll only have two kids here," she said. "The rest of them are going to relatives." I thought that was all the more reason to help the remaining kids have a fun vacation. Then the counselor suggested that we go to the movie theater near the orphanage, so I agreed. I wasn't sure it would be the fun excursion that I envisioned, but better than nothing. Maybe the counselor just didn't want to go to the trouble of getting permission to take the kids out and make the trip to the city.
On the day I was supposed to go, the counselor called and said, "I've only got two kids here. You don't have to come, you can have a day off. It's your choice. " Hmmm. Now what did that mean? I was already dressed. Did she mean she felt sorry for me and wanted me to rest? Or that the kids didn't want me to come? It was so tempting to stay home, and not go anywhere, and not have to deal with the depressing atmosphere of the orphanage. But I could picture the faces of lonely (or at least bored) children in my head. Maybe they were content to lie around and watch tv, but surely that would get old. I changed my mind several times and then decided to go. I grabbed Uno, Phase 10, Yahtzee, and Set. I also grabbed an English textbook in case anyone was feeling ambitious.
As I walked into the orphanage, I decided that I would spend time with the first lonely child I encountered. I stopped by the floor we usually visit. No first-graders came running. It would have been easy enough to play with the little ones, but they didn't seem to be around. The group that I had wanted to take to the movies also didn't seem to be around. I headed up to the next floor. On the way there, I met Roma. "Are you here for a lesson?" he asked. "No, I just brought some games," I said. "Okay, let's play."
Roma is the most friendly and the most difficult. He is sweet and helpful one moment and the next he is swearing profusely and laughing in my face. I managed to put off Uno and try to teach him Phase 10. But his attention span wasn't quite long enough and he eyed the Uno cards. Then some other boys came and joined us. I remembered why I hate playing Uno in the orphanage: All the American (Australian, etc.) teams that come teach different rules. There's Killer Uno, Crazy Uno, etc. I am really strict about card game rules and refuse to play if there's a rule dispute. Here the kids had learned new rules, like if there's a zero you switch hands or if you play a certain number, you can lay down all your cards with that number at the same time. I didn't want to play with those rules. I wanted to play with the classic rules, which were written on paper.
Roma went into a frenzy of playing numerous illegal combinations of cards and then shouting "It's my turn! It's my turn again!" When I protested, he swore at me, or spoke in some kind of "tongue" he had made up. He was either mocking me by pretending to speak English, or pretending to speak Russian so it would seem like I didn't know Russian. The other boys laughed.
Roma, however, is a success story when it comes to English. He remembers everything that was taught and also memorizes what I say, and then puts together sentences. I only taught his group for one year last year and that was infrequent. He doesn't have English in school, but somehow he converses.
At one point, a counselor came in to check on the kids. I wondered what she would think of my cards and dice. I waited for her to yell an instruction to me or the kids, but at that moment, Roma said something to me in English. A smile broke across the counselor's face. She seemed satisfied and left the room. I guess it looked like I was doing something educational.
After I confiscated the Uno cards, I managed to convince Roma and another boy to try Yahtzee, and we played a full round. Then it was time to leave. I walked by a room of boys, glued to a computer game. The corridors were quiet and empty as I left.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
St. Petersburg and economics
In a local newspaper I picked up recently, an economic update included personal tips about what to do when times are tough financially. The following comments are from local deputies as well as voters.
“My wife and I are modest people. We don’t smoke, we don’t drink, we don’t play cards. And with the surplus we feed our dog and cat well. Of course, I do collect books about icon-painting, and the prices on those are a concern. I’ll probably have to moderate my passion.” -Igor Rimmer, local deputy
"Maybe no one will believe it, but deputies don’t especially have anything that they can give up: They live like regular people, from paycheck to paycheck. But I would advise everyone to give little trinkets; things that just show how rich you are." -Oleg Nilov, deputy
"As it is I already live completely ascetically-that’s the charm of the KPRF. This year I went on vacation in my own car, traveled around Russia. I don’t go to restaurants-when I can afford to eat well, it’s only at home." -Sergei Malkov, deputy
"First of all, I’ll start smoking less. Second of all, I’ll start buying cheaper groceries. I’ll abstain from buying new clothes and from going to cafes. Basically, I’ll start to keep a Spartan lifestyle: home-work-home." -Natalya, storeowner
"I won't buy smoked sausages. For a time I’ll stop going on vacation and going to the cinema, I’ll start spending my free time in front of the television: it’s cheap and fun. I would also find myself some part-time work, just in case." -Sergei, machinist
"I would eat as little meat as possible and switch to porridge. Of course, I would have to give up shopping. And I’d cut my husband off from alcohol. By the way, that last point would especially help our family stay afloat." -Olga, barmaid
Source: Zagvozdina, Irina. "Russians advised to tighten their belts." Metro newspaper. 21 October, 2008. Page 03. Translation mine.
“My wife and I are modest people. We don’t smoke, we don’t drink, we don’t play cards. And with the surplus we feed our dog and cat well. Of course, I do collect books about icon-painting, and the prices on those are a concern. I’ll probably have to moderate my passion.” -Igor Rimmer, local deputy
"Maybe no one will believe it, but deputies don’t especially have anything that they can give up: They live like regular people, from paycheck to paycheck. But I would advise everyone to give little trinkets; things that just show how rich you are." -Oleg Nilov, deputy
"As it is I already live completely ascetically-that’s the charm of the KPRF. This year I went on vacation in my own car, traveled around Russia. I don’t go to restaurants-when I can afford to eat well, it’s only at home." -Sergei Malkov, deputy
"First of all, I’ll start smoking less. Second of all, I’ll start buying cheaper groceries. I’ll abstain from buying new clothes and from going to cafes. Basically, I’ll start to keep a Spartan lifestyle: home-work-home." -Natalya, storeowner
"I won't buy smoked sausages. For a time I’ll stop going on vacation and going to the cinema, I’ll start spending my free time in front of the television: it’s cheap and fun. I would also find myself some part-time work, just in case." -Sergei, machinist
"I would eat as little meat as possible and switch to porridge. Of course, I would have to give up shopping. And I’d cut my husband off from alcohol. By the way, that last point would especially help our family stay afloat." -Olga, barmaid
Source: Zagvozdina, Irina. "Russians advised to tighten their belts." Metro newspaper. 21 October, 2008. Page 03. Translation mine.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)