Seasons

When autumn comes, I bloom anew;
The Russian frost does wonders for my health;
Anew I fall in love with life's routine:
Betimes I'm soothed by dreams, betimes by hunger caught;
The blood flows free and easy in my heart,
Abrim with passion; once again, I'm happy, young,
I'm full of life - such is my organism
(Excuse me for this awful prosaism)

И с каждой осенью я расцветаю вновь;
Здоровью моему полезен русской холод;
К привычкам бытия вновь чувствую любовь:
Чредой слетает сон, чредой находит голод;
Легко и радостно играет в сердце кровь,
Желания кипят — я снова счастлив, молод,
Я снова жизни полн — таков мой организм
(Извольте мне простить ненужный прозаизм).

Whom better to quote in the fall than Pushkin? :)

(from the poem "Autumn")

At the bookstore

I went to a local bookstore recently to redeem some old gift certificates that I had found while cleaning my room. I felt a little guilty that I wasn't going to be spending much money, but I think I've done my part lately to support the economy. ;)

The gift certificates I'm talking about are not the modern plastic card with the bar code, which you can use to buy things online. This was a calligraphed form on regular cardstock.

As I handed over the gift certificates, the clerk looked closely at one of them and asked,"Have you had this awhile?"

"Yeah," I said. "You don't make them like that anymore?"

"It's just that it's the handwriting of the original founder, who died in 2001." He nudged the other clerk who had also worked there for several years.

"Wow, look at that, " she murmured, shaking her head. They both paused in remembrance of their friend who had passed.

I got a few cents in change back, so I hadn't given them much business. But it was a noteworthy visit, nonetheless.

Breaking up

Play Nice or Go Home

I was shocked to read an article advising people how to "break up" with those who annoy them. See the original article here (it's pretty short).

The article suggests taking steps: first issuing a warning, then gathering ideas and evidence to state your case, then cutting ties if the person refuses to concede.

I find the aforementioned method condescending, to say the least. I can think of a few situations where a person is an addict or has otherwise destructive habits. In that case, intervention is important... +/-

Check Your Motives

...However, the article seems to be referring to people who annoy you personally. And in that case, you would have to be very careful to point out mistakes in a way that is not merely serving your own needs, but is constructive to the other person. There is a fine line between what is simply a personality difference and what is inappropriate behavior.

How do you know that you aren't the crazy one? Think carefully about that before confronting someone.

If someone is letting me know that I'm being offensive, the way that message is delivered to me is very important. Being confronted with a list of "grievances" is not something that I would respond well to. I wouldn't want to feel like I was being plotted against. It's important to think before you speak, but waiting a week while you form a good argument borders on manipulation.


You Don't Have to be Best Friends

I agree that there are some people with whom we're incompatible for one reason or another, and in some cases we can avoid close contact with them. This can save unnecessary stress and senseless arguments. Or we can avoid certain conversation topics.

However, is it really necessary to go through the whole process of telling a person what's wrong with him, if you plan to cut ties? Wouldn't it be better to just walk away peacefully?


Love Them or Leave Them

Also, I find that a lot of the time, these "crazy people" are the ones I'm closest to...my friends, family, co-workers, and fellow church members! And I wouldn't have noticed their "annoying" behavior if I hadn't spent a lot of time with them. If I'm going to hand out warnings or "break up" with each person who annoys me, I'm not going to get very far in my personal relationships. I'm not going to die to myself, and won't do much growing.

You can apply this to a simple case of sibling rivalry. What do you do with kids who keep getting on each other's nerves? One or both of them might need a time-out to calm down! But in a case where feelings have been hurt or injury inflicted, confrontation is needed. Repetitive conflict will need a stronger dose of intervention. But you can't separate the siblings indefinitely; they are a part of each other's lives. Rather than designating one of them the naughty one who is socially unfit, they need to learn to compromise.

I guess the article is just another example of how the Gospel is missing from the way people live their everyday lives. Everything is about "me" and getting rid of those things that stand in the way of my own success.

Is it any wonder divorce is so rampant? If you've been through a complicated situation, I am not trying to minimize your pain. I just think that we too often hear the message that we can control everything, or shut something out that God wants to use to make us stronger.

What I Would Have Written

My modified advice would be:

-if it's a person you don't want or have to see regularly, just keep your mouth shut and find ways to ignore the behavior. Let go of your preferences temporarily.

-if it's a person you plan to spend a lot of time with, find ways to either get used to the issue that's bothering you, or confront the person as quickly and humbly as possible, so you can move ahead.

-always check your motives!

Waiting for the mailman

The vigil is over.

I waited by the door for 4 days. I hadn't realized how often a mail truck of one kind or another comes down our street!

On Tuesday, I didn't get my invitation. But I still needed my HIV results, so I could wait one more day.

On Wednesday, I waited all day, and still didn't have either by evening, until the doorbell rang. It was the doctor from church with my lab results. No invitation that day. But another discovery I made was that many Russian Consulates no longer accept individual mailed-in applications. You must use an agency. So I called the agency to inquire and quickly went about gathering the additional 3-4 documents that they specifically require. +/-

On Thursday, I woke up to the sound of a mail truck. I have learned to recognize the sound! I ran to the window and saw a white truck with the "Fed-Ex" emblem pulling away from our house. After throwing on my bathrobe, I ran downstairs to check the mail basket, but there was nothing there. They must have been visiting the neighbors.

Thursday came and went.

On Friday, I camped out by the front door again. If the delivery service required a signature, I didn't want to take the chance of missing them and having my invitation brought back to some warehouse until I could track it down!

The university had not told me which express mail service they used, nor was there any sort of tracking information, nor were they returning my e-mails.

It felt a bit ironic that 4-5 days was seeming slow to me. But each day I was recalculating the possibilities of getting my visa on time, and those chances were dwindling, especially as the weekend approached.

I was sitting on the couch with my laptop, when I heard yet another truck. I looked outside, and it was not the white Fed-Ex; it was DHL. It had to be for me! I went out on the porch as the delivery man approached. It is true what they show in the commercials about kissing the delivery man. I didn't do it, but I wanted to!

It did require a signature, so I was glad I was home.

Now my visa application is in the mail. Praise the Lord! I wish I could get it before my sister's wedding in a week , but we'll see.